To the other side of the world and BACK!!

Peaceful Closure

2011-04-24T23:43:00.000+08:00

Am going to end this blog on a peaceful note. Therefore I've taken out the last post. :p

To be continued

2011-03-02T10:39:00.004+08:00

High time I shifted to another blog anyway.

Here's the link: (Removed. on second thoughts, I'll only give the link to those who has gotten used to reading my blog or have benefitted in some ways, or people who love me dip dip. hehe. email me at judy09@yahoo.com)

BUT

This time, no more chatbox, and comments will be moderated. Please keep the chats coming in though. You have no idea how much I enjoy chatting with you.

Those who somewhat feel unwelcome (from how I post replies to you, you can roughly tell), you will feel more enriched doing community work. Don't waste your time despising my burdens. So, goodbye for the last time I hope.

Like I mentioned, there are friends who had been harsh and frank but they made their points without sarcasm and offered help in many many ways (suggestions, encouragements and even physically offering to help). You do not fall into categories of the unwelcomed. And I am more than thankful to have you be part of my life (if the feeling is mutual).

See you over THAT side *wink wink*

p.s: You don't need password to access because I don't know how to protect my privacy and at the same time, still give you guys the convenience to access my blog. Until I'm trolled again, I don't think I'll need a password.

updated: Just so that I do not need to 'shift' again, I think I'll just remove the link to filter out potential trolling.

The End

2011-03-02T00:29:00.004+08:00

I have enough.

There are people who are truly concerned and I am thankful. An anonymous reader dropped me a comment which I've not published but I appreciate your frankness.

No I do not want to be unfair to Baileys and Maen. Yes I did and do love them. But no, no longer how I would have.

Long ago, when I was expecting AN and visited a friend who had only given birth, I saw their dog, a maltese with seriously matted fur, tied up outside their house (a landed). At that point, I did suggest to them, to have the dog put up for adoption. Which is more irresponsible? To leave the dog there or to find him a better family? Everyone will poll differently but I gave the irresponsible suggestion of having the dog given up for adoption. They had no time for the dog. But my friend's dad wouldn't give him up. He couldn't bear to. It's been 4 years now. And the dog is still there, tied up, with badly matted fur and bad skin condition. The dad still wouldn't give him up. Still can't bear to.

Fast forward back to 4 years ago, I wondered if I'd ever neglect Baileys and Maen at that point. I tried my very best not to have that happen. Were they important to me? Of course. When I felt tremors (AN was only 4-5 mths old then), I took the furkids with me and AN. They couldn't walk down stairs then, so we took the lift. Many people who cared not for dogs would have suggested "take the stairs! wait till the lift breaks down. See how you will have to die with your baby because of 2 dogs."

They still were important when we had to come up with a plan to bring them with us to the States. We settled for less (long flight on UA when we could have gone on SQ and not forgetting, Mr Liow has slip disc. SQ would have been of more comfort.), and we even travelled separately because the last domestic flight took only 1 dog. So I took AN and Maen. And then we returned by EVAir 2 years later (again, putting Mr Liow in a plane with little place to stretch and praying hard his slipdisc problems do not surface). We did not even go for the Japan getaway that Mr Liow had been talking about since we knew we would have 2 years in AZ. He wanted to stay longer in Japan when it's time to return to Singapore since SQ transits at Narita airport. But he did not get to do that, because we had to settle the furkids.

Mr Liow did not complain, and I silently appreciate all that he had been putting up with. He'll do as much for us as I need him to. Do I want to push him to a point where he has to sleep in the kitchen for Baileys and Maen, or even AN or ER? He's my hubby. If I have to give even the children up for him, I will.

Have I not tried? Even up till this point, I still am trying. Have I not gotten help? My part time domestic helper gave up on us coz she hates the "dog fur everywhere". But seriously, she wasn't of much help coz the pee stains and fur come back immediately after the floor gets cleaned. She just does SOME work for me.

Everyone has to sacrifice something for another. B used to be my baby, then Maen came, then AN came. When one younger than the other, one needy-er, joins the family, the others have to sacrifice and bear with less attention. The one whom I love most was the one I sacrificed most. Mr Liow had many plans since we got married but I suggested shelving them till later (which then never happened) since we had the furkids.

I could handle 2 dogs and a baby. Never would I have expected myself not to be able to handle a preschooler, 2 dogs and a baby. Really, I never expected things to be this different.

By order of sequence, my kids should go first because they were the ones who disrupted my life. Read this again, will any mum do this to their children, to consider giving them up instead of the dogs (for calling BM dogs, I can expect more one-liner hypocritism)? Tell me if any of your mums did this to you.

Maintaining a public journal is as good as putting myself and my family under the scrutiny of many people who do not know me, and those I do not know.

I have kept journals for as long as I can write. I wonder how many people get judged for their thoughts.

Many bloggers frankly proclaim that they will only write happy posts. Just so happen that silly me write everything I feel, good and bad, happy and sad thoughts. Is that my blindspot, that I'm emotionally unstable? Because I didn't know other humans never had negative periods. Or do I share more than my readers can take?

I do know that I AM extremely susceptible to emotional breakdowns, more so as a mum now. One way of preventing it from turning mental, is to write. I keep writing. I had been keeping journals since I learnt to write. That would be since my primary school days when all I knew was simple English.

I am not apt at expressing myself verbally. And I do not want to burden friends with too much sob stories when they ask a simple question of : "Hey! How are things?"

From here, they read, they know. And of course, along with sob stories, things that cheer me up. Things that make or break me. Things that I am made up of.

But I will no longer write for people who are not truly interested to know what's happening in my life, how I age and my thought patterns as I move on in years, through different parts of my life. And I will not write for people who have somewhat, expected something about me that have only served to disappoint. Because I and you, we're different.

Leave me your email in my comment box if you can accept that I will not meet your expectations and I will do something so you can still follow me on my journey. My life journal will continue elsewhere in blogger, this time more private.

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Headache

2011-02-28T21:44:00.002+08:00

Mr Liow fell sick since Fri and is currently nursing the cough and mild runny nose. Hope he gets well soon, before our drive into M'sia.

I had itchy nose last evening and nose was blocked last night. Woke up with runny nose this morning. No cough, thank God.

But my head's throbbing. Am feeling worse as time passes. Been drinking as much water as I can. Praying that I'll be well by tomorrow. Duno how else I can take care of ER if I'm bedridden. Thank God too, that he's still not mobile else it'll be even worse. And he's not taking semi-solids yet, so I do not have to cook and feed him.

Am going to sleep the headache away now.

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Chaos

2011-02-27T23:46:00.001+08:00

Mr Liow's uncle was hospitalised yesterday so we went out to visit him. Before we actually drove off, AN needed to pee, so MIL took her upstairs to pee.

Guess what? It had been just 10 mins after we left home and BM somehow managed to pull something off the dining table. They ate AN's snacks and the WHOLE FLOOR WAS STICKY!

Seeing that MIL and AN hadn't come down after nearly 20mins, Mr Liow went upstairs to check. mIL had been moping the floor and picking up pieces of torn packaging and food...

We went out this morning for lunch and when we came back, my diaper bag was ransacked again. Everything was scattered all over the floor! They tore up my new packs of wipes and now my nursing cover has fur all over. And my diaper bag, and all of ER's newly washed towels and bibs.....newly washed...

I'm tired...

What is wrong with them...........it's very very very draining.extremely draining. Can't we even have an hour of lunch without using to worry about how messy the house will be?? If not pee stains, it's fur. We just got rid of fur and they now turn into bandits.

We just came home from dinner. Maen was on our dining table when we got home. How on earth did she get up there???

AN had Coco crunch that she couldn't finish and we left it covered on the dining table. Needless to say, Maen finished every bit.

We had already pushed EVERY food items as far in on the dining table as possible and stacked containers over each other so that they are out of Baileys' reach. They couldn't get the food, they played with my diaper bag. Hours later, Maen got onto dining table and ate up coco crunch. Great. How much coco crunch will it take to kill a 6kg dog?

Thanks for SPCA's number. Sorry to disappoint whoever-you-are because if it's within my control, they will never end up there. But still, thanks for going the extra mile to get me this number. You have been the greatest evil this far.

To: Trolls

2011-02-27T15:35:00.003+08:00

Ever since I no longer write "I-will-love-you-till-I-die" posts about B & M, my chatbox no longer flood messages like "oh they are so cute!". Not as if I hv time to worry over this now.

This is reality. Things have changed. The world turns everyday. Geez...

Now I am a dog abusive person.

Hi Trolls, please understand that nothing you write is going to change any situation. Your words do not give me extra time for them.

And after 4 months of not bathing, all that happened to them was that they stank. They are shaved down again and skin healthier than before I last bathed them. They do not sleep among their dung, drink their pee nor get the boot so they fly out of the window. But I do make them sleep without aircon, on their own bed. In the living room. And they drink and eat from their respective bowls. SORRY IF THIS MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE.

We are still on a lookout for families who will be able to care for them, precisely because they are neglected. Like I've mentioned many times, all they get now is basic daily needs like food and water. Don't you read? Or only in between the lines?

Pathetic.

Pathetic are dog owners, quick to judge, quick to condemn.

Pathetic.

5 months later

2011-02-27T09:59:00.001+08:00

Today is 7 days into ER's 5th month. Let me just note his progress:

By now, he's able to see (I think. No more cross-eyes or losing focus), grab what he wants, and he reaches out to touch instead of grab. He can also flip but doesn't do it much.

Just a of couple days before he turned 5months, he succeeded in directing his toes into his mouth. He's doing it very often now. He must be excited at this new discovery: that he has more than fingers to chew on now. And he so adorably smile at whoever is looking at him while he savours his toe.

As for me, it slipped my mind to track my own weight loss. And when I did one day last week, I was 45.4kg! But at some point few days later, I was 46.8kg.

It's ok, coz even before I expected ER, my weight could range from 44-46kg all in one day. I was told it curious be that I "retain water", thus the drastic weight fluctuations in just one day, almost DAILY.

So, I think I've gone back to pre-Ethan weight. Yeah! Pre-Ethan size is next target. If I can just go back to pre-Adrielle weight, that will be ideal. I dare not be greedy though. I've read of once-nursing mums who kept putting on weight after the kid has been weaned off breast. I'll just stay with what I have now.

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Recovering

2011-02-27T09:34:00.001+08:00

The kids appear to be recovering, I think.

ER is no longer leaking mucus as much now, coughing less and sleeping better at night.

AN on the other hand, started coughing quite badly again last night. She had gradually recovered over the week but the cough came back again :(

It's almost 3 weeks now. Virus, please just go away...

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Shaved BM

2011-02-25T10:52:00.001+08:00

They are both shaved down again. Can't stand the fur flying all over the house and floating in the air. Fur everywhere, even on my nxxxxes when I nurse ER. When I notice them 'there', I sweep them away. When I do not take note, ER ingests them...sigh...Thank God the human kiddos are on breastmilk. I don't know how many time they may have to be sent to hospital for drips due to hygiene problems at home should they not be b-fed. I don't even know how fur got stuck 'there' for goodness' sake.

They look just JRTs again. And Maen who used to have dark spots have aged. Of course, Baileys too, just that he had always been the one with lighter spots. Ang mo (Australian) dog, so he's more of a blondie. Maen's spots are now so light, as light as Baileys', if not lighter. This is how we know they have grown old. Like we have white hairs (and the ang mos have grey ones?)

Oddly enough, those bumps that bothered them in the beginning were all gone, as with that moist lump on Baileys' neck. Up till now, I have totally no idea what those bumps were (or if they were as the vet suggested but apparently, I am supposed to rule that out because Baileys was supposed to have that since long ago...drat.). But anyhow, they are back to looking clean and skin-healthy again. For as long as they stay short-furred, I'll try to bath them weekly. They have slimmed down quite a fair bit though. Need some fattening..up the kibbles amount.

Sorry to say but the last time I bathed them was when they came home in Oct. Been 4 months, I know. But no time to bath them. And when they started to stink, even if I tried to squeeze some time to bath them, I would have no time to dry them. Each takes me almost 2 hours to do a proper grooming regime in the past..and I don't have 4 hours to sit there doing that in peace now.Not unless I'm looking at having AN nag at me to do this and that with her and ER screaming for something in the background (that when all else fails, "he must be hungry"). I don't even have 1 hours of peace to just paint with AN now..OMG..Time management. Where art thou, time???? Where hath thou goneth??

Had pictures, but blogger leaves me no choice but to post them elsewhere. Will post them in their album on my FB when I have time (where oh where are you?). Complain no time, still got time to blog, right? Coz this is one time I take a little break to find my sanity back as I allow myself to let go of cooped up thoughts.

Gtg.

Girly AN

2011-02-25T05:24:00.000+08:00

AN is wearing the dresses she has in her wardrobe, one after another, everyday. And we do not go shopping everyday. She is simply OBSESSED with dresses!

We bought her 2 pj dresses. Why are pjs so costly?? $19 to sleep on? But the look of joy on her face is priceless, so they were worth every shilling.

My mum got her another one. That makes 3, and that made the little girl a very happy princess. Even if she has zero pj dresses, she still has her outdoor dresses to sleep in. That's going to explain why her dresses all look more worn than other clothes.

She says: "All the princesses wear dresses! That's why I need to wear a dress to sleep too."

Adrielle has her own set of princess-y regulations and moves:
"I don't want to tie my hair because princesses don't tie hair." This is after repeating Rapunzel over and over again in the car whenever we go out (title of the cartoon: Tangled).
She picks up the end of her dress and goes twirling the moment she puts one on and whenever she hears music. "That's what a princess do(es)", she says.
When I tell her off for behaving spoilt like a princess, she replies: "I'm a princess what."

I remember mentioning here in my blog when she was about 2 years old, that I was worried she'll grow up behaving like a boy. She hated dresses then, and hated to have her hair tied up!

Now it's all about dresses and how she wants me to tie her hair.

*phew*

She is indeed a girl, our princess :)

Some Peace

2011-02-24T11:24:00.000+08:00

The furkids are away for grooming, AN is in school. I'm finally enjoying some serenity!

ER didnt sleep much last nite and I had to carry him. It happened every hour or less. lost count of how many times I had to get up and out. He seemed better last night compared to Tuesday night. Can't figure out what had been upsetting him.

Baileys and Maen standby outside our room after the 2 early risers (Mr Liow and AN) leaves the house each morning and during naps. Baileys has to keep banging on the door to wake us up without fail (on days when I get no sleep at night, I make it up during the day when ER sleeps). How to ever get enough rest when they all take turns to wake me up!

Now that 3 noisy ones are out of the house and the one noisy one is sleeping better, I'm going to have to recharge a bit.

Or should I wash the shower since for once the furkids are away?

I think I better rest.

Adrielle and Ethan Again

2011-02-24T10:52:00.001+08:00

Adrielle loves playing with Ethan. It's hard to separate them so you can expect how quickly one catches a virus from the other. This was when AN first got sick (and in the process of passing it on to ER)

AN tries to pacify the crying one (sometimes resorting to singing him songs when I am busy). And she is aware soiled diapers upset her little baby too. She wants his diapers changed but dares not do it because she says she will throw up when she sees his poop.

The Giggly Sick ER

2011-02-23T22:51:00.002+08:00

Andy in Christchurch

2011-02-22T23:44:00.001+08:00

For those who do not know my family well, I have a brother who's one year younger and an officer with Singapore's Civil Defence Force. He's a firefighter.

Before he got in, we used to talk about how fires in Singapore are generally mild, and we hardly hear of fires. We thought firefighters in Singapore are paid to do nothing much. How wrong! One day, Andy showed us some clips of real life fires that he led his team to put out.

We were dumbfounded at the magnitude of one such fire they went to put out. It was burning soooo badly at least 6 surrounding units of that HDB flat appeared engulfed. A maid was locked in and screaming eerily in the middle of the night. They got her out but she suffered burns.

There were many others that were no less dangerous. Not to forget, they rescue people, both living and departed. He spoke of drowned corpses that they need to fish out of river etc.

At that moment, I was so proud that he's my brother, a brave fire fighter! Mr Liow couldn't help but remind him to do his best AND remember that he's human too (in case that adrenalin rush during each mission makes him forget he has no superhuman powers). Even Mr Liow gets worried over what Andy has to do.

Soon enough, he got posted out and is now working office hours. He must miss all those actions (coz he's got other plans in progress). But he still gets to go on firefighting missions (if he's needed) during his "on-duty" days, and has to be on standby for big events like National Day, F1 race dates, Youth Olympics (just to name a few).

Just this morning, he called to inform me that there had been an earthquake in Christchurch and he was awaiting instructions to be sent there to assist in rescue work. Our parents said he came home in the afternoon to pack and left after a quick early dinner.

He'll be there for a week.

As much as I always complain about last minute work commitments that befalls Mr Liow sometimes, nothing beats this, that he has to leave the country at last minute notice, for a week, to do dangerous stuff.

Saw on the news that one of the after-quake tremors rated 5.7. That's still bad. Imagine rubbles giving way while rescuers are on them or trapped victims becoming even more trapped.

This disaster is more personal, coz Andy is there. While others are evacuated from danger zone, rescuers like him enter the same danger zone.

To think that we were planning for a mahjong session this Sat evening. Guess we'll have to wait for him to come back in a week. Can't wait to hear his stories!

Lord, please protect him and the other rescuers as they search for trapped victims. We pray You'll comfort those waiting to be found, and families of those who did not make it. Please keep tremors mild so they will not affect rescue works. Please help those doing rescue to look into right places. Please bring Andy home safely. In your mighty name we ask of these.

A week later

2011-02-21T22:52:00.001+08:00

This is start of the 2nd week of the kids' battle against those viruses.

AN's stools have gone back to normal since 2 days ago. She doesn't look like her cough and runny nose will get better anytime soon but she's not coughing as much now as she did last week. She had also been bleeding from her left nostril randomly since last Thursday. It started off as little as bloodstains from scratches but appeared in quite an alarming amount before nap an hour ago. It dripped right out of her nose! Will get her to stop digging for gold in those nostrils of hers and from blowing mucus out to see if it helps prevent bleeding. Seems like frequent and over aggressive blowing of the nose does bring about nose bleeding according to many sources online.

ER too had caught the bug (thankfully not the diarrhoea!). He slept better on Fri night after a horrendously sleepless Thursday night. Nose was blocked from Saturday night and I've not been sleeping since then. He kept waking up gasping for air and as expected, he couldn't nurse well too.

AN is sleeping with Mr Liow again tonight. Really, better to separate than have them catch it from each other all over again. Please pray for that bleeding nose. It bleeds each time AN blows out mucus. We told her not to but the collected mucus gets so uncomfy she goes blow it when we are not paying attention.

As for ER, we're not using the aircon tonight. His nose was blocked last night and I so wanted to suck those mucus out but they were sort of dry coz of the aircon, so I decided not to. Didn't wanna damage his nose. If he's not breathing easily again tonight, I'll suck those mucus out.

I'm also tired coz I carried ER in my arms so he slept better, whole of last night, after noticing that he got woken up every 30mins to an hour.

Me cranky means I become very very unforgiving towards little things AN did. Little things made me flare up terribly. I refused to look at her or forgive her even after she apologised, worse when she kept blowing her nose and digging into it after repeatedly being reminded not to.

Oh God, I need sleep. I need to sleep to behave like a normal human. I need the kids to recover too. AN's bleeding nose worries me but I had to keep calm and make little fuss of it, coz my parents were already starting to panic when they saw that for the 1st time this afternoon. And the level of discomfort ER's sometimes-leaky-sometimes-blocked nose makes him causes me heartache too. Dr say it may become Bronchitis. Please, God. Don't allow it to get that bad.

I'm going to catch some sleep before ER wakes up in discomfort again.

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Our sick ER

2011-02-18T06:38:00.002+08:00

He had been whining whole night so each time he whined, I'd try to nurse him. He was not as easily pacified.

Just fed him medicine (3hrs later than it should have been fed because he was under 38°C those few times I took his temp) but I did not suppose all went in. had only night light on and couldn't really see.

He cried for a while as I wiped his body to bring his temperature down. Somehow the wiping tickled him and he started giggling.

So cute. Hehe!

I'm tired but he's keeping me awake with his smiles and coos. He looks so happy and excited now despite running a temperature of 38.3°C again. That's how he's supposed to behave, else it may well be something serious.

He's 'asking' me to stop blogging now to play with him by waving the wet towel I placed in his head and kicking for attention.

My nose is slightly blocked by now as well. My turn soon I think. Pray that I'll not fall very sick. If I have to catch their virus, I pray that I'll only show symptoms after they recover. And Lord, please make them strong so they won't be affected by this same virus again. Please give me powerful mem mem, enough for both to drink and gain antibodies to protect themselves. Please also protect Mr Liow and our parents from its attack.Thank You for making us well each time after falling sick. We pray for relief and that You'll comfort our kids as they fight this naughty thing. In Your mighty name we ask, Amen.

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祸不单行

2011-02-17T22:42:00.001+08:00

We're back from seeing Dr Lim. AN is not in more trouble than she is in discomfort.

Dr Lim summarised her condition: Her fever peaked on Sun and she was on her way to recovering from stomach virus. Then, she picked up the cough/runny nose virus on Tues, the only day this week that she went to school. That was when she started coughing and her nose started "running" before her fever came back, 37.8°C at its highest. 2 fevers, 2 viruses, 1 week.

Doctor expects her to recover by Sun. She'll not be going to school tomorrow. Not wise to return the virus back to the classroom.

Like the previous time, we were given a variety of medicines. Dr explained that it's good to have them in stock to provide relief when necessary. For fever, we got 2 bottles (one for normal relief, one for high fever), 2 bottles for runny nose (zrytec that's less drowsy for daytime, and polaramine that will help her sleep better at night), one for cough, one for sore throat if it comes, and more probiotics.

I'm super relieved that AN takes her medicines willingly now! In fact, she seems to look forward to medicine time coz she kept asking if it was time for next dose.

She's also drinking lots of water, which was dosed to be good but...she's drinking too much. I give her water in a 500ml bottle and she's at her 5th refill now! Isn't 2.5l of water in addition to soupy porridge a little too much? Or is that fine coz she's still having diarrhoea?

This time, being sick makes her hungry. She keeps asking for food, most of which are either not available or not advisable. But at least she's eating and interested.

Dr Lim also advised us to keep AN and ER away from each other. AN should recover from this quite easily but if ER catches it from her, he'll get it worse.

Bad news is, as we expected, ER caught it and he started feeling warm after his nap. AN couldn't stop kissing him even when sick. Acts of love can be costly. Sigh..

He measured 38.3°C! Gave him fever medicine and he's now at 37.6°C. He's having runny nose too :(

This is going to be a super busy weekend. The official busy-ness starts today with medicine time (following alarm and schedule), helping AN to toilet coz of frequency of diarrhoea and pee (from the amt of water she drank today) and planning for next dose of medicine to feed them.

Mr Liow will care for AN tonight and me for ER as we did last night. Poor Mr Liow still has to go to work. Praying that he will be strong and not fall sick.

Praying that both kids will recover soon. Pray for me to be careful with the medicines (not to fed wrong med to wrong kid at wrong time). Pray that BM will not mess the house up. I can't do so many things at one go :( Praying for super powers after Mr Liow goes to work tomorrow.

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Poor AN

2011-02-16T23:55:00.001+08:00

She had been coughing almost non stop whole of today. Her appetite shrank but surprisingly she still ate. She's also carrying her bottle of honey water around to, asking for more when each time she emptied her bottle.

She's having runny nose now as well. Other than these upsetting and inconvenience behaviours (upsets and inconvenient to her), she actually behaved her usual self.

She's still passing loose stools, almost as explosive as past few days but not as bad. She had it just once yesterday and twice today. Been giving get lactoforte and she's not resisting any dose either. *phew*

That was daytime.

It just got worse after dinner. Her eyes looked puffy and she got really tired. It could be that she was sleepy so I took her into the room earlier. Her temperature is slowly increasing too, from 37°c to 37.8°c half hour ago. She drifted in and out of sleep, waking up in tears complaining of tummyache :( And she kept coughing and threw up once coz of the cough :(

To prevent ER from catching these from her, which I believe he's already caught something (an infant going through these same discomforts will be far worse, for him, and us!), Mr Liow asked me to sleep with ER in our Masterbed room and he'll take care of AN tonight in the kids' room.

I'd been losing my patience many times today coz the cranky and sick princess was more fussy than usual: honey too hot, dun like this bottle, wanting porridge when my dad got her kway tiao soup, whine whine whine. As much as it pains me to see her cringe in pain when tummyache hits her, when she keeps coughing herself awake after finally falling asleep, it is also challenging for me to see it happening as a result of her discomfort.

Really, I must be the worst mum ever :( I remembered feeling very loved when I fell sick as a child. I hope I'm doing enough (I hide to explode, not in front of my poor sick AN). I have to do more than enough! She's already suffering as it is :(

P.s: I can even hear her coughing behind 2 closed doors. Please help keep the kids in prayer ok? Pray for protection and recovery. Amen.

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Multitude of viruses?

2011-02-16T08:15:00.001+08:00

I know children fall sick easily once they get to school (coz they catch viruses from each other real fast) and now sees for myself how easy.

AN missed school on Mon coz she had fever and diarrhoea. She was better yesterday (except for a little coughing at night while she slept), so off to school she went. By the time we went to my parents' place in the evening, her cough had gotten worse. And she had puffy eyes. Mum said AN wanted to sleep the moment she came back from school and fell asleep in no time. She coughed the whole evening and it was even worse last night! She hardly even had much break from coughing!

She must be real tired, so I thought she might appreciate more rest at home and sms-ed Mr Liow (I slept with the kids and Mr Liow in his own room). I didn't realised that he has stopped setting his own alarm and fell asleep while lying close to my little girl as she requested. Didn't feel at ease when I woke up again at 7.30am. Called Mr Liow and he only woke up when he answered my call.

He just rushed out coz he had to get to Tengah base on time and that's at the other end of Singapore. I felt so sorry. I should have informed him, or woken him at least.

Praying that today will be a gd day. Praying that AN will pass normal stool again and that her cough will go away soon. Saw a note in her school bag informing of 2 HFM cases. Praying that she has not caught it and will not catch it.

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Draining

2011-02-15T22:38:00.001+08:00

AN is barely recovering from diarrhoea and tummyache and she's also started coughing last night and blowing mucus into tissue. Her fever has gone down but she doesn't seem to have recovered. She's still at 37°C. Is that fever?

ER is cranky today. We pray he's not infected by her. No diarrhoea, no cough or blocked nose again please :(

It didn't help that Baileys and Maen just can't stop stepping pee all over the floor. I mopped it 3 times today because of the mess. No, it's not because I was too particular. It was like plooping 4 wet paw-sized mops all over the floor. The pee staining just keeps getting worse coz their paw fur is super long now, and absorbent. The floor was wet, with PEE!

3 Times I mopped before leaving for my parents' place for dinner. In merely 3hrs, we returned home to a disgusting house again. Not just pee stains, but a puddle of pee away from the paper that flowed all over the toilet floor along the tile grouting.

And poo. Drips of the softer part of their poop lined the toilet but not on paper. One or maybe even both, scooted on the tiles. I saw 2 trails of poop. No, I didn't inspect the floor but I could see coz they were trails of poo...

It was total chaos. If Mr Liow was not with me, I'm very very sure I'd have lost my sanity tending to a crying baby and preschooler grimacing in pain at her tummy while staring at the mess made in a matter of only 3 hours. Only 3 hours. Do I deserve this sort of mess just to have 3 hours with my parents?

Mr Liow did the cleaning up. He mopped twice, first with dettol and second with just water. I feel like we're living in a waste centre. Never a second of hygiene.

I no longer allow AN to touch BM coz she NEVER remembers to stop putting her hands in her mouth. This finger slurping started only lately...attention seeking? I'm not sure, but no amount of reminding helps. And I freak out when she touches the floor coz I try not to look down now (unless it's the type of mess we had today, I'll not mop the floor), but we all know the bacterias are there! Imagine AN licking up their pee. This is as close as it gets...

This is costing me my sanity. seriously. I don't know when I'll lose it.

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Bad mummy

2011-02-14T03:22:00.001+08:00

AN needed a drink and woke me up. Got her some water in my own tumbler but she refused to drink from it. She wanted her own bottle which I left in Mr Liow's car. She then asked for water in her bottle with a monkey face (I think I dumped that coz we left it in the car for some time and forgot about it. I expected the bottom of that bottle to have formed slime by the time we remembered).

I got frustrated that she had to make this request at 2.30am when she could have just drank the water from my tumbler and then go back to sleep. Almost wanted to tell her to take or leave it but decided to go see what other bottles she has. I used to leave a bottle of water by her side when she was sick since Tucson but forgot to do it today. Bad mum. :( was glad I didn't make it worse by insisting that she's not getting her own bottle.

I found her one, half expecting her to get upset and refuse it. Sick kids can be as cranky as tired ones. What more she's sick AND tired. But she wasn't upset when I told her the bottle she wanted was no longer around. Instead, she sweetly thanked me and drank the water. I asked if she wanted to finish it and she said she'll drink it slowly through the night. My baby girl...she's better behaved than me.

Hugged her till she fell asleep again. She felt warm :( I still feel bad I forgot to get her water and for wondering aloud why she had to make me look for a water bottle in the middle of the night and my sleep. My heart ached the moment I said those words. They do nothing to make my baby feel better.

Lord, please use me to bring AN back to health and comfort her as much as I can, above and beyond myself. How could I have almost refused to meet such a simple request....please teach me to be sensitive to her needs. Please heal her from whatever it is that has been attacking her system so that she will not fall victim to it again. Please give me power-packed mem mem so that both AN and ER will be able to fight away this naughty bug. Please protect them Lord. Amen!

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Fever and Diarrhoea

2011-02-13T22:54:00.001+08:00

She's displaying similar symptoms to those during her last bout of diarrhoea: fever near 38°c and loose/watery stools. It came as fever this morning without any signs. Then it was diarrhoea halfway through drinking milk for breakfast.

We went out for lunch and she unknowingly stained her panties. She probably passed gas and watery poop leaked.

Her fever remained at 38°c throughout the day and she had another toilet session of loose poop. Like the previous time, she complained of nausea too but thank God she didn't throw up, unlike the last time.

Appetite dipped as expected. She had that wee bit of milk in the morning before it all started, 3 fishballs with some soup and several scoops of porridge for the whole day. I've finally convinced myself that "fluid surpass solid" when AN is unwell.

Praying that she'll be well again tomorrow. Have totally no idea what virus that is to have seemingly hit her twice. Pray that it'll just go away!

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What was I upset about?

2011-02-13T01:53:00.001+08:00

He asked me but I didn't know how to put it across. Things just escalated I guess.

We came home, AN was cranky coz it was past her bedtime, and while I wiped ER up before tucking them both in bed, Mr Liow was attending to the cranky AN (helping to make sure her teeth were properly brushed and get her feet washed).

Just when both kids were cleaned, I noticed the towel we use to dry wet surfaces, stink, so I rinsed it. It kept slipping my mind before today and no one will wash it if I do not. It just continues to stink further.

ER started bawling and Mr Liow asked, sounding frustrated (whether or not he meant to sound as such): "What are you doing??"

I was probably over-sensitive but I interpreted the question as: "Why don't you come settle him and leave that towel for later?"

After I was done with that towel (how long can one take to rinse a towel??), I nursed ER and Mr Liow brought AN in. She fell asleep as soon as her face touched her pillow.

By the time ER fell asleep, I thought I could take a quick shower after removing my makeup and contact lens.

Mr Liow was inside the bathroom shitting while waiting for water to fill up the bath tub. Such enjoyment. At that point, I totally felt like a maid.

The whole time I was rushing and he had to rush me further when ER cried. He didn't realise that I probably need some freshening up too after the kids fall asleep. And that I probably mind freshening up in a stinky toilet.....or that I may hope for a quick shower.

From beginning of the day, I started rushing. Rush to make milk for AN, rush to bath them, rush to iron their clothes, rush to makeup, rush to change them, rush to hang clothes up to dry, rush to wash up cups used for breakfast, rush to nurse the crying ER whom, when no one knows how to stop him from crying, will be automatically assumed to be hungry.

Back to the stinky toilet unfit for washing up, my hubby innocently sprayed the toilet with perfume and invited me back in to wash up.

That's how men are: they mean no harm but just because they are not always sensitive enough, friction arises.

And I'm upset because...I think I just envy his freedom when I have to rush, whether weekend or not, public holiday or not.

He fell asleep when I finally found time to watch a movie with him one night but woke up to play games after movie was over. That game went on till few hours before the kids woke up and coz he slept late, he woke late.

He gets to meet guy friends to bond. No kids. He gets to have "company dinners out of obligation". No kids. He gets to watch shows, surf the internet, play games etc, after I and kids leave his side at night. No kids, him. He gets to wake up late on non-working days. No kids.

No wonder some husbands stray. For all the wife does at home, the man starts to lose interest in that disgruntled woman who complains about anything.

This is NOT healthy. So, should I go to work and dump our kids somewhere else so that things will improve? Will it really?

To be fair to the hubby, he does help with the kids when I need to do housework, or when I choose to behave like I can't hear whatever is going on while I stare blankly at the powered on computer screen, or take AN out with him to get lunch etc.

He helps a lot, in fact. He helps clear BM's wastes, download shows to watch with me (if only he can stay awake so we can watch together), take me out as much as he can, sweep and mop the floor so I can hv a break, ..... etc.

After all these tapping on my Android, I realised I am not upset with him. I'm just envious. Do I need to be employed to get some freedom back?

Asking

2011-02-12T00:37:00.000+08:00

I do not understand people who ask: "Do you need this?", gets a firm: "No thank you." but still brings those things anyway.

This is the same person who, once upon a time, scolded us for bringing "things we didn't want" (termed dearly as "useless things" by her), to store at her place, insisting she didn't hv room when *drum rolls* 90% of what were in the bag were WHAT SHE WANTED, and the remaining, our ONE wedding album, an album of old Singapore notes and Mr Liow's sword from OCS. Oh, useless stuff huh?

What I'd term "useless" are things like small cushions one dime a dozen, tonnes more of forks and spoons when we have tonnes of our own, bowls and plates and more containers. No, we definitely do NOT need these stuff and I did say so. What are they, useless things, doing at my place?

And its not easy to be nice to someone who once was so selfish during that period when we needed help most. We had no choice when we had to leave then, but she didn't have to do what she chose to do. She chose to put herself through this inconvenience but she gets something out of it. Good for her...

I will not dump those useless things though, no matter how useless they are. Because, at the end of 2 years, we got OUR "useless things" back. So, I'll keep them, useless things well and return them, hopefully 2 years later.

Family is not calculative. But to survive in one that is, one just has to learn, and adapt.

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Enjoying School Again

2011-02-11T10:15:00.000+08:00

It's Friday again, marking end of another full week of school after a week of holiday before this.

AN is back to enjoying school again.

She had displayed several behaviours through this one month (and couple of weeks), from excitedly waking and enjoying school, to excitedly waking but crying in school, to refusing to get out of bed but is happy in school again.

To help her wake up more happily this week, I carry her to the living room after the alarm goes off so she can wake up less abruptly.

She's also having light breakfast before school (A slice of cheese or milk.)

This is a relatively easier school week. In fact, she seemed happier going to school. Let's hope tis is the last change of behaviour for school.

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A smile in the dark

2011-02-11T07:36:00.001+08:00

I went back into the room after AN left the house with Mr Liow for school. Room was dark, baby was still. Only when I leaned over to give the little boy a kiss did I realise he was awake. And he was smiling at me.

Sooooo cute.....!

I smiled back and he smiled even wider, waving and kicking excitedly.

This mini Mr Liow is my latest addiction.

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The furkids

2011-02-10T11:51:00.000+08:00

Was reading my old posts (those written when AN was ER's current age) and realised I used to enjoy the furkids better then. AN was exposed to them much earlier as well. In fact, at this point, I wonder if ER knew we have 2 four-legged family members roaming around. Maen used to be noisier when AN was little but she's turned quieter now.

With our big sofa before we left for Tucson, AN was always out in the living room. ER is away most days with me at my parents' place now, and even when we are home, ER will be in the room. It's time soon, to place him near the furkids. The new sofa is too small for him to lie on. Floor has too much fur so we most likely won't be placing him in any kiddy seats near ground level..we'll see how we can work things out.

As titled, Baileys and Maen are great at adapting to different environments. They adjusted well to AN the first time (took them a while. Baileys marked the house at different spots during the earlier months then), adjusted well to the new home and hotel stays while we were in USA and did well at both my parents' place and then back to our own place.

With ER now and my sudden obsession over a clean floor, Baileys has also started to watch out for stains. I can't explain how he knew what had been going on but he's gone from walking very near the wall, back to his own bed to lick himself dry and clean before he'd go stepping anywhere else. And if I am anywhere near the toilet when he pees, he will wait for me to approach before he will step out of the toilet. HE expects that when I approach, I'll be wiping his paws dry, in case he steps out with pee-soaked paws.

Just these few days, I noticed him lying inside the pee area, after having carefully selected a dry spot on the papers, just to dry his own paws before leaving.

How does he know???? From the start, Baileys has always been smart and almost human if not for physically taking the form of a canine (he tried jumping at the doorknob to open the door when he was a puppy because he needed to take a leak at that time! Mr Liow and I stared at each other dumbfounded then!)

And now when AN makes me angry, both B and M will instinctively head back to their bed and stay there watching. The moment Maen sees me resting (after housekeeping or disciplining a misbehaving AN), she will approach to lick me and AN, as if to make peace. Baileys knows better than to step on timed mines. Maen cares not for so much though.

As noisy as Maen can be or used to be, she's making less noise now. She would usually bark at noises outside the house but the most she will do now is growl silently. I suppose she's trying to not wake the little human baby up with her barks.

She still walks about with pee-soaked paws after her business in the toilet. She's a 'bimbo with a lozenges on her head'. That little mark on her head is a mark for us to tap on when she needs to be reminded of an appropriate act.

I can tell whose paw prints they belong to from the trails the furkids leave behind after peeing in the toilet. You can too, if you know their character after some time. And given that they are creatures of habits, those paw prints are almost always at the same (almost exact) spots everyday (and I either clean those stains away immediately upon seeing them, or mop them at the end of the day when we come back from my parents' place). Baileys' paw prints stretch from the toilet back to their bed. And since he keeps as close to the wall as he walks, those prints will mostly only be found on the tiles nearest to the wall of our study room. Maen somehow has this habit of running to the kitchen after peeing. Her wet paws prints start from the toilet, towards the dining room (stretches along the dining table), right into the kitchen. And because she doesn't lick herself dry, her wet paws go into the kitchen, out into the living room again and all over the house. One will notice big puddle prints that get 'drier' and 'tinier' as she walks all over the house.

That's when I have to take slow and deep breathes when I see those prints. Just ONE pee time by Maen is enough to deem all efforts on my part to keep the floor clean, futile.

And while the furkids used to enjoy ransacking our stuff in our absence, they no longer do that now. At least they do not do that as often nowadays.

Having been out of home at least 5 of 7 days in a week since start of this year, i've had only 1 case of ransack by the furkids when they emptied the diaper bag of every single content but damaged only 1 facial mask that Shirley and Jing bought for me from their Taiwan trip. They damaged quite a number of AN's toys in Tucson but the number was negligible as compared to the things they would have damaged before the kids came, things not put away, and the extent of damage. If it was in the past, my diaper bag would have been torn into pieces and every item that was previously inside would have either been ingested, or shredded beyond recognition.

The furkids are no long destroyers, and their last few 'glorious' moments, they taught AN to keep her stuff properly, or else in her words: "Baileys and Maen will eat them up!". She still has those chewed up plastic blocks and half eaten plastic chicken and ketchup bottle in her toy kitchen set as a reminder.

Maen is turning 6 years end of this month. They are getting old.

Sometimes I wonder how different life will be without them. Maybe more peaceful, maybe not at all. If not for them, I'd not have come back home everyday after work in the past. I'd have gone out a lot coz Mr Liow used to be even more busy at work. Ridiculously busy. Will we still be married and have kids if I was never home coz he was always working?

I'd probably be out enjoying myself without him and because I can get used to life without him, it will make no sense that we have kids. And I will probably have died from depression taking care of our 1st kid if not for prior training taking care of B and M since their puppyhood days (having gotten used to whining in the night, clearing and smelling waste etc).

The furkids taught me a lot. They helped me get used to a lot of things to prepare me for motherhood. In fact, they were part of the reason our family remains whole and intact.

If there will be no one appropriate to look after the furkids, they will pass on as part of our family. I did mention that I dare not bring this topic up but I can't stop thinking about it. Just like I can't stop wondering which school to enroll AN in, or which doctor to bring ER to if Dr Tan is not around etc. As long as I'm still living, everything in this family will weigh heavily in my heart.

AN's first time riding the Tower of Terror

2011-02-09T17:47:00.000+08:00

She's finally tall enough (weird how Asia rides for kids have stricter rules on height)

When the kids bond

2011-02-09T17:35:00.000+08:00

Emotional

2011-02-08T23:04:00.001+08:00

AN wet herself in class today. According to her teacher, she was too busy playing and forgot to go to the toilet then.

I wasn't too affected at that time.

It just happened again. She said she needed to pee but let go before she even finished her sentence.

This is the second time it happened today. What's wrong with her?? Each time things like these happen, I feel like a failure.

Did she forget? Was it on purpose? Why didn't I remind her to pee?

I can't stop crying now. Partly coz I'm disappointed that she's still consciously wetting herself at this age when she was already off training pants for naps in Tucson. I'm also crying because I consciously too, tried to make her feel bad when she was happily pretending to be a princess earlier before the accident. My heart ached when her joy and laughter turned into silent fear. I succeeded in making her feel lousy. But I'm not happy!!! Now, what's wrong with me too? I was so upset I pulled a blanket from under her and she toppled over. My heart ached further, but nothing could make me tell her "it's ok. Try to remember next time."

I think there's something wrong with me. The problem doesn't lie with anything else. What is wrong with me?

WHAT ON EARTH IS WRONG WITH ME?!

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Terrible Two Doesn't Expire

2011-02-08T08:08:00.001+08:00

From a stubborn 18mths old toddler who spoke little, to a nearly 4 years old preschooler who wants to make her own decisions, the stubborn trait of a terrible two never left.

It does get better sometimes, with reasoning but it's 'patience-consuming'. When the refusal to obey takes over and no amount of reasoning works, I feel like......I wish I can program her to obey.

On the other hand, the little ER is such a dear. He smiles all the time. Of course, being a baby means he cries too but I'm better equipped at handling cries now. Baby cries are easier to bear with than tantrums at an older age. At least that's how I feel.

For trying days when things just can't go right, his smiles seem to be God's way of giving me peace. Zu An = God's peace.

Many times, I wish I could go back in time when AN was still a little baby. And for the same reason, I wish ER will not grow up. Not too fast, at least.

I don't want AN growing up with the idea that I love ER more. The unfair truth is, because she's our firstborn and we have no prior experience coping with whatever will be coming our way, she'll almost always be the "white mouse". Not because we love her any less, but because she gives us the experience to better deal with how ER will be at each stage of his childhood.

I wonder if ER, being a boy, will be even more stubborn than AN is. ER makes us want a 3rd child coz he's super adorable. Makes me wonder, if he's going to be even more terrible than AN at every stage of his childhood, will we have another?

Must pray, must pray. No matter how they are as children, we pray they will grow up as God-loving and fearing adults.

I'm thankful for blogger. Writing made me feel better.

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Our First Loves

2011-02-07T11:51:00.014+08:00

Was feeding them a while ago while ER slept. Baileys waited in down position and Maen did her tribal circle dance as usual. To remind her to wait (in down position like Baileys), I gave her a light tap on the 'lozenges' on top of her head.
Now I finally know what that mark on her head is for! Baileys doesn't have one. Go figure.

I can't remember when I last patted them but I did while they ate. That moment, I was overwhelmed by some strange emotions, something familiar.

I love them and its been a long time since I remembered it. Most days lately, I just hate to see pawprints by pee all over and patches of saliva when they lick the floor, less than a day after I got the floor looking shiny and nice, and for the past few weeks, tumbleweeds of fur right after spring cleaning.

Most people spring clean their house once a year. My mum says I do it every week. But no one can tell. Coz the house looks neglected no matter how hard I try.

That moment of stroking them got me thinking: "Do I really wasn't them to go?"

People who do not know us, speaks on behalf of them, saying that they will be happier with us, that I'm a MFB (some swear words that I'm won't explain more abt) who only pretends I love them.

How many human can second-guess the thoughts of another and get it right all the time? And you think you know my furkids better than I do. *applaudes* I don't even know if it'll make them happier somewhere else although I can only second-guess their preference.

The part of me who loves them, says they will be much happier with attention. And because all they get now is instructions to keep off (the floor when it's cleaning time) and keep out (of the rooms). No mental stimulation, no shower of love out even a hint of it. No time (even if I have, I use it elsewhere).

The selfish part of me finds me more time once they are gone. I can do housework once a week and get less tired and cranky coz I've less to do. I feel less stressed up and the human kids get a more smiley mummy. AN will get to do messy art coz I'll have time to clean up after her when I do not have that amount of cleaning up to do elsewhere anymore!

And then I remember how I longed to see them wagging happily each time I return home from work in the past, how I'd hug Baileys before Maen came, praying that he'll live for a long time and die one day before I do so that I can care for him till I die.

This is confusing to people who do not have dogs or only as pets, not family. How many reading this can understand the dilemma? I don't know.

I've been trying to avoid this topic and allowing myself to run on auto mode when situation arises each day. We'll let the Lord decide. Before anything else happens, they badly need a shower. This weekend, hopefully.

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Farewell Festive Fever

2011-02-06T22:15:00.002+08:00

This is one fever I'm sure 99.9% of the world will hardly ever mind having. But like most fevers, one just has to recover.

Mr Liow applied to have the whole week off from tomorrow and I was definitely more than happy to hear.

Then bad things have to happen. Something came up at work during the CNY and not only will he not be able to go on leave as expected, he's probably going to be busy. And I wonder, why will there be an important meeting for which his presence is necessary, on Wed, if he knows he's already going on leave for a whole week? Sigh.....

It was time of rest for him while he still could, so I didn't really want to ask him for help with housework over the past few days of rest but I was tired too, with waking up early, sleeping late and having interrupted sleep at night. Plus BM's fur is growing out and they are starting to shed again, it's no longer just stickiness I'm trying to clean away everyday now.

I was tired, and cranky. No matter how hard I work each day, the house will never be good enough.

And to know that he won't be around as he said he would, that wasn't much help.

Every good thing has to come to an end. He said he'll try applying leave for the following week. I'm not going to set my hopes too high. Disappointment is not fun.

I need superhuman strength from tomorrow on, and bad reaction from the disappointment to get lost. Time to get the furkids shaved again. Life is back to what it's always been.

Time to recover from Festive Fever.

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Blowing Fire

2011-02-04T21:08:00.001+08:00

AN whispered to me: "Gugu is upstairs breathing fire." when BIL happened to be asking around for her.

My SIL was smoking. This is AN's first attempt at giving a subject to the action. Breathing fire sounds cute. Her girls says she's "upstairs, breathing", sometimes "having some fresh air".Sounds cute. Haha!

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My turn diarrhoea

2011-01-31T08:48:00.000+08:00

Just sent the pretty girl to school in the cheongsam my mum bought for her in 2009. Yes, it still fits her, except that we see more of her thighs. Wanted to take a picture of her in it but with jacket and leggings coz it's a cold morning.

It's still raining after 2 nights and a day. This rain hasn't stopped since Sat night after reunion dinner with my parents. Singapore is hardly ever cold, at least since we came back. This is one of those rare days.

Oh, as titled, I'm also having diarrhoea now as well, or probably loose stools. I can't be sure coz both AN and I had been passing loose stools but for once a day at most. Went online to check and realised, to qualify for diarrhoea, one has to be passing loose/watery stools 3 times or more each day.

To bulk up stools, the articles recommended cheese. Since she's not having diarrhoea and she badly craved cheese last night, I allowed her 1 slice of it.

I was surprised cheese made it to the list coz I had been keeping her off diary products, except "mem mem", if that's dairy.

Much as I want to go pick her this afternoon, I probably won't be able to, with such heavy rain. I wish I took a picture of her just now :(

Mr Liow has another dinner tonight so it's better I stay home. Its tiring to return home to a messy house (or patchy-stained floor on good days) each day, having to shut my ears to a crying infant and mop at the same time. Everyday. Patches. At times, puddle of pee at the wrong places. My punishment for not staying home.

Will probably get him to fetch AN home since he'll be coming home to change.

The loose stools better not erupt into anything worse. I can't fall sick and there are still tonnes of things to wash, clean, pack.

Still Having Diarrhea

2011-01-30T08:47:00.002+08:00

She's still having loose stools and her temperature at 37.4C. And I just remembered besides her stomach flu after Florida, there was another incident since we came back, thus the packs of pro-biotics in the cabinet.

She's not too interested in the probiotics, so I gave her yakult this morning. She finished less than half a bottle and told me she had enough (............).

Am not going to make her eat or drink too much except plain water unless she asks for food. For lunch, we'll probably get her porridge or something soft/ light.

She didn't sleep well last night. She tossed and turned and puffed in anger at times. And she kicked a lot like night. She didn't sleep as she did on other nights and somehow ended up with her legs aimed right at my neck. I could feel her leg near my neck last night but thought nothing of it, till she gave a strong KICK!

OUCH!

That HURT! That karate kick left my neck throbbing in pain -______-" ! My "ouch" woke up her and she apologised as she stroked my neck.

And she woke up at 7.30am today. I was hoping I could sleep in a little more with the 'night activities' that went on my left (ER) and right (AN) side. One asked for milk, one kicking and whining, tossing and turning.

Am just praying that she will recover soon. There's CNY celebrations in her school tomorrow. It's supposed to be something fun and it happens only once a year. For special days like these, I hope she can be in school so she understands that interesting things DO happen in school (or it could be just me thinking that school is boring, brought down by my own experience since my own school days).

Still, if she's still not well by then, we just have to wait till the next fun activity comes up.

Updated@ 11.50pm:
Temperature gone down to 36.7°C but still having loose stools. Is it diarrhoea if she poops only once a day but loose and watery stools?

One down, Two down

2011-01-29T23:40:00.002+08:00

ER is getting better with less coughing today. But it's AN's turn now.

Was just complaining that she didn't finish her milk for breakfast, didn't want lunch and pooped loose stools.

Then she felt warm after her nap. Thermometer showed 38.1°c. So she was rejecting food for a valid reason today.

We were supposed to meet my family for reunion dinner today and AN threw up on the way there.

She's tossing and turning in her sleep now, seemingly in bad discomfort. I just rubbed some oil on her belly because she complained of tummyache.

Poor thing..whatever that may be, I just pray she'll recover soon.

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Bad Start, moody again

2011-01-29T14:59:00.006+08:00

For a start, AN didn't want her milk in the morning.

Then from the very start of her lunch, she didn't want to chew. From blaming mushroom, to vegetables (all her favourites), down to rice grains soaked in soup. 1.5hrs and many many tears later, she finished probably only half portion.

Then somehow she had diarrhea and pooped in her pants (can't remember the last time she had diarrhea..in fact this could probably be her 1st time since birth, other than that time during her stomach flu).

And I have to re-clean the kitchen again. MIL said she wants to make us fried rice tomorrow morning. Should I be thankful? I am feeling ungrateful because we are days from Chinese New Year. Mum despite being busy with AN, came to cook and helped me clean the kitchen already. I have to clean it all over again. It's not as if I can complete cleaning in 2 hours without distractions. With an infant (those who have been through this will know), it's takes at least double to triple the time needed to complete a simple task.

Oh, and the hubby was so sweet to offer to ferry the mum to interchange (even though there's a direct bus there). That reminds me of that bad thought that I apparently failed to shoo off yesterday.

Importance as ranked:
1st) Mum to interchange to meet friends even with direct bus
2nd) Early lunch with Colleagues
3rd) ER and I to Mt A to see Dr

To be fair to the daddy, he was having early lunch before fighting battle again, not on leave. If he was on leave, or able to take leave to bring ER to see a doctor, he most likely would have. Anyway, the mum rejected the offer. Quoting her: "I'm learning to be independant."

Is Neigi's suggestion (that I go and work) going to help turn negative thoughts positive? I should consider because I probably have TONNES OF TIME at home to read so much into things.

It's going to take a little while for me to shoo this away. With this current mood swing that I'm experiencing now, it'll take a while. I'm going to keep myself occupied now. Ta-da.

The School Through Mr Liow's Eyes

2011-01-29T10:26:00.001+08:00

Mr Liow has really funny observations of the kids in AN's school and his descriptions never fail to make me laugh.

He said he sees 4 "zombies" already in school every morning of the weekday. 3 will be munching lifelessly on their breakfast, 1 simply floating around the classroom. Times when AN is not crying, she will join those at the table by default. I don't know if she turns into a zombie too but she is usually awake and chatty on her way to school.

AN had been sharing her peanut butter biscuits with her classmates. 2 days ago when the door opened after school, I saw her seated on the floor with her lunchbox emptied of biscuits in front of her and a friend. She said she shares with them and that's sweet. Hehe!

Yesterday when Mr Liow took her to school, she was ok and did not cry. He saw the same 4 "zombies" and the floating "zombie" drifted towards him. She then started inspecting him from head to toe while circling around him.

The moment AN sat at the dining table and took out her lunchbox (told her she can have biscuits if she doesn't want breakfast from school), the other 3 "zombies" drifted toward her like magnets.

Really, when school starts this early, the kids turn into zombies. Hehe.

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My Lao Gong is so smart!

2011-01-28T17:35:00.001+08:00

I have this app in my Android phone that helps locate it when it's misplaced, simply by using another phone to send an sms to the SIM card used. The app when activated, changes the setting of my phone so that it rings at its loudest. So, it doesn't matter if it's originally on silent mode or vibration, I'll be able to find it since it'll be THAT loud.

MR Liow was trying to reach me but I was far far away from my phone which was on silent mode. No prize for guessing what he did: He sent me the same sms I used from his phone to send to my own each time I misplaced it.

And I was wondering how on earth would I set the volume of my phone to the max when it's usually near the kids and it's almost always on silent mode. Till I saw an sms that says: "Where's my phone"

My hubby so smart! And now you guys know how to get me urgently when I miss your calls. But don't try it all the time coz I may really be lying down with the kids and that loudness will scare the earth out of them.

Never thought of using the app the way he used it. hehe.

A Visit to Mt A

2011-01-28T11:09:00.001+08:00

ER is still coughing and it sounds bad at times, especially at night. In fact he threw up in the afternoon when we were at my parents' place after coughing violently.

Having learnt from experience (AN had to suffer lung infections for us to learn not to wait for too long before bringing the kids to see a doctor), we decided to bring ER to see a doctor.

So, after MR Liow took AN to school, I fed the furkids and then took ER out. WAnted to ask if Mr Liow might be able to fetch us there coz it didn't seem justifiable to pay the surcharge if I were to take a cab there (surcharge for peak hours start 7.30am - 9.30am, if I didn't recall wrongly). He would only be able to make it after 10am, so I decided to go ahead by ourselves.

Cab uncle is a neighbor from our opposite block. We didn't have to wait for long and I was surprised because I used to have problems (before we left for Tucson) getting a cab here. Plus UGLY people who have no regards for others also waiting for cabs, see one, flag it down and then get on it, even though they noticed you already there waiting (for who-knows-how-long). AN asked me why it was not our turn yet when I took her out waiting for cab once. Even kids know people take turns..But, not really when we are back in Singapore..

Truth hurts, but back in Tucson, most (I won't say all) parents teach their kids to wait in line, whether in Gymboree, or playgrounds. Here, parents (or grandparents) either shove the kids to the front and tell them: "hurry up!" or turn a blind eye when the kids innocently push around to get to where they want to be. This is most common at lift landings while we wait for lifts.

So these kids grow up to be adults who do not look around to see if they are first to wait for cabs (or even buses). This is not wrong. It's just not gracious. And I guess to some, it's more practical to get what you want than to be considerate or gracious.

Ok, I'm done with the ranting about manners. As I was writing, I was still blessed because soon after this young lady snatched my cab from right before my eyes, our cab uncle from a neighbouring block came out. He's old and drives super slowly, traffic was heavy and he took another way which he assumed should be better and turned out to be just as bad. I don't blame him. At 8.30am, traffic is heavy everywhere. Cab fare wasn't as scary as I expected it to be. hehe.

The wait at Kinder Clinic wasn't long either. We spent merely 1.5 hours out of the house!

Mr Liow was having breakfast when I called him after we were done. hmm...I was actually wondering why he didn't offer to come fetch us when he had time for breakfast. HE didn't even call to ask if ER was ok or if we had seen the doctor. Was quite disappointed that he rather spend that free hour with colleagues and wondered again, where we were on his priority list, if we were on it. Bad thoughts huh? Shoo.

Cab uncle who ferried us back home had to rely on GPS because he said he wasn't familiar with Fernvale Lane. I didn't realise he took a wrong turn but he was honest and charged me lesser because he was aware the distance was longer with that wrong turn. I paid him what was on the meter. Being honest alone was reason for reward, in my opinion la.

I just realised this post is very much like what a primary school student would have written about an excursion or something..OMGoodness...my life is so meaningless...

Whenever Mr Liow gets to meet friends or colleagues for meals or coffee, I wish I will one day, get to meet my girls for the same things too, without the kids. I do crave freedom too...but will that one day come?

Goodnight Prayer

2011-01-27T23:50:00.000+08:00

What better way to end the day with a prayer!

It works almost the same as a bedtime story, except that we actually talk to our Creator before drifting into a state of rest.

Life is hectic as it is. Returning home to pee in the kitchen where it shouldn't be for 2 consecutive nights and a house, littered with every single item previously kept in my diaper bag but ransacked through by the bored furkids the day before, one can only pray for peace at heart. And self control.

The Lord taught me to take things one step at a time.

1) I had been asking for self control, so while Mr Liow was out till late, I was put to test.

Scenario 1: Returned home to a big mess with things ALL OVER THE house, emptied from diaper bag. Pee in kitchen that flowed all over (big puddle).

Action taken: Pack and mop

Divine intervention: Infant slept through the packing and cleaning, preschooler less requests than usual, nothing destroyed or forbidden food consumed by the k9s in the ransack. One-up level for self control.

Scenerio 2: Mr Liow was home with us. Infant not in best of mood (and health. He puked a whole lot of milk at my parents' place), preschooler with tonnes of 'tasks' she felt like doing. Pee in kitchen for a second time.

Action taken: Cleaned up pee with paper towels. Mr Liow helped with mopping. Ignored preschooler's never-ending requests and non-stop whining in exasperation to chit chat with the unwell infant in the room.

Divine intervention: Felt peace, whose existence I have forgotten about completely! Anger at preschooler's tantrums subsided sooner than usual.

And while trying to coax the youngest to sleep (he wasn't as easy as most nights. He didn't want to nurse, didn't want to be rocked..practically nothing soothed him), the elder asked to drink milk.

For missions impossible, I asked for help by praying.

The Lord soothed both kids to sleep as He listened to me. I told Him I wanted to hear Him again. I heard no voice but I saw His work when I opened my eyes to the sleeping kids.

Life can be hectic, but it can be simple and peaceful. If only I be still and let the Lord take charge.

Girly AN

2011-01-26T09:53:00.001+08:00

Makeup
I was changing ER's diapers one day last week and AN was doing 'makeup' on herself in front of the mirror.

She came to me saying: "mummy look at me! I put blusher and I look so pretty!"

Thinking nothing of it (coz she pretends to put makeup on herself quite often), I took a quick glance and turned my attention back to ER before his poop shoots out at me..but something wasn't right. I thought AN had dark patches on her face....? Or was that shadows caused by the lights, that I've never noticed?

I took a closer look and realised that she DID put makeup on herself: She shaded her nose and under her cheekbones!

I asked her what she used to make herself up and she shared with me her secret: dark blue colour pencil on her nose and cheeks.

Dresses
AN has an obssession with dresses. She wants to put on a dress all the time! She asked to wear a dress to school (thank God the lower half of of her school uniform is a skort. It looks like a skirt from the front at least, so she insisted less on wanting to wear a dress to school), wants to put on a dress to sleep at night, and only dresses to go out in.

She loves to look at pictures of Disney Princesses and asks to have a long long dress which in her words, is "so long it touches my toes" and keeps reminding us about it. We are looking for one, at least.

Hair Pins and hair styles
She pins her own hair up if I forget to, especially now that her bangs are so long they prick her eyes. She likes pretty pins and when she does pin her own hair up, she'll go "Look mummy (or whoever's around her), I pinned my own hair up. Pretty right?"

And in the morning before school, she tells me how she wants her hair to be like for the day: One pony tail, 2 pony tails, 1 braid, or 2 braids.

And not just that, she wants me to do it the way she wants it: "Mummy, I wants my pony tail to be this high.", and points to her ears. She wants her pony tail to stick out from behind her ears.

My vain pot.

Truly Blessed I

2011-01-25T23:32:00.000+08:00

Told mum yesterday that I won't be going over to their place today because housework had been piling up. Days when I do not go over, AN remains at my parents' place without me and Mr Liow will go fetch her in the evening.

Mum actually suggested making lunch for me from their home so dad can bring it over. The rest of the plan remains.

Early this morning , she called saying she planned to cook for us at our place and dad would bring AN back to our own place. Fine with me.

While mum cooked, I managed to get most of the laundry done. Dad reached with AN soon after and helped me fold the clothes as I tucked the kids in for nap.

Mum didn't just cook. She helped me clean the WHOLE kitchen after cooking. The stoves have been washed, table tops, cabinet doors etc.

That's what I mean when I write that my parents help when they notice that I've not had time to do some stuff. They do NOT add stress by questioning me on my time management or why I overlook some things. Or flare up at me.

I got most of the work done with my parents' help. Thank God for them. I'm secretly wishing my MIL will not be cooking this weekend coz she is better at cooking than cleaning. Just one session is enough to put my mum's toll & sweat to waste.

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ER's 1st Flip and his ability to grab

2011-01-25T21:39:00.000+08:00

He did a complete flip this afternoon right before nap time! I was busy with AN and he was impatiently fidgeting while waiting to be nursed to sleep. He was kicking hard and already lying on his side with one leg crossed over the other looking ready to flip, and he was largely inspired, by frustration because I wasn't responding to him. Haha!

AN and I waited for THE moment and it happened! The big sister went: "Yeah! Good job Ethan!" Like we told her when she flipped for the first time :)

The boy showed his newly acquired skill to Mr Liow while I was doing something else.

He's a stronger baby. It took AN a few times of flipping over with one hand stuck underneath her belly to learn to pull it out. I think she just wasn't as strong. This Ethan flipped over (with some efforts coz he's still a newbie aftall) and grudgingly pulled his hand out before grumbling further. Mr Liow said he was able to pull his hand out the second time too.

He's also better at grabbing things now. He stretches his hands out when we shake a rattle at him and he takes it. The rattle stays in his hands for about a min or two before he loses interest.

He attempts to put the rattle into his mouth and succeeds at his first attempt, because he has mastered stuffing his whole fist in, sometimes 4 fingers). It's not too different.

One step closer to civilisation. Next up, we'll probably be waiting for his 2 front to sprout! Hehe.

Tired and Grumpy Ole Me

2011-01-25T09:03:00.000+08:00

AN has recovered from her blocked nose and I thought ER had too but he's starting to cough since 2 days ago. It's worse at night.

Because of that, he's waking up every hr or so in discomfort but I am thankful nursing helps calm him down. Usually in the morning after AN leaves with Mr Liow (abt 7.30am), I'll start doing some housework (be that cleaning, laundry) so that by 11am, I can wake ER up for a bath before going to fetch AN.

For the past 3 wks since school started, 2 wks since they caught the mucus bug (I wonder if ER is still fighting the same one, or something different), sleep had been even more scarce than before. I tried to catch up on more sleep by going back to bed after AN left for school, ignoring housework a bit.But because ER kept waking up, I couldn't really rest too.

And so, having not enough sleep, watching housework pile up, and having not planned well to complete tasks, I'm increasingly touchy, even over tiny matters.

We came home from my parents' plc few hours ago and I tried to ignore the pee stains on the floor (I just tried to not look down). But as I walked about, I saw the overflowing laundry basket (I washed a batch just yesterday and to be sure they dry thoroughly, I can only bring them down 2 days after washing, which is tomorrow), I saw long dued bedsheets to be changed, I saw dust collected over the week as a result of my "no-housekeeping" coz I was at my parents' place during weekdays and out on both days of the weekend.

What set it off was bread crumbs that AN dropped on the bed. I tried to be less strict and allowed her to eat in the room (partly also coz I was really tired and just wanted to lie down a bit.) I shouldn't have allowed her to. She innocently became my target of frustration.

I got grumpy and started clearing up. Since I've powered up the Delphin, I might as well vacuum the whole house. Mr Liow upon noticing that AN is taking forever to finish her London Choco Roll, asked her to put the whole piece of whatever is left, in her mouth. She did, coz she knew mummy was upset about the crumbs already. It was too large a piece for her to swallow and she ended up spitting it out. That added on to my already foul mood.

sigh....

AN can be sensitive at times like these. She apologised to me after a while, for dropping crumbs and then spitting out her food. In the first place, it was my fault that this happened. If I hadn't suggested she eat in the room, if I could just push myself a little more to sit with her at the dining table, these won't have happened.

She noticed my still-grumpy face while I was helping her at the toilet and asked: "Mummy, are you still angry? Why are you still angry? I said sorry already. I'm sorry mum." And started telling me that she loves me.

I knew I was still feeling grumpy, over nothing in particular by then. I couldn't help it.

Sms-ed Mr Liow while I was lying with the kids in their room to just share how I feel. I wasn't angry at anyone. I just felt grumpy, foul and very touchy.

Mr Liow was so sweet. He suggested that he forgo the Wed dinner with colleagues to stay home to help me. The dinner doesn't affect the situation much. I badly need self control to bring about change!

He got up a little earlier than usual to help me clear up BM's mess in the toilet too.

AN, too, assured me that she will try her best to not make me angry.

Lord, please grant me self control. Please give me the ability to pause before reacting to situations and the ability to choose a positive response so that I bring joy and cheer into the family instead of anger and impatience. I fail in this all the time because I can't do it on my own. But I can do it through you who gives me the strength to.

Our Adrielle

2011-01-24T08:26:00.000+08:00

Miscommunication is...

AN: "Daddy, hold my fishballs for me."
Me: "Do you still want them, coz if not Daddy will finish them."
AN, distracted: "ok".

Daddy ate the fishballs.

Minutes later...
AN: "Mummy, you don't finish my fishballs ok? If not when I want to eat them later, I have no more."
Me: "Huh? I thought you said you didn't want them anymore? Coz Daddy finished them already!"
AN: "Daddy, don't eat them please! I want to eat them later!"
Daddy: "WHAT????? But you said you didn't want them anymore??"
AN: "I thought we were going to gu gu's (My SIL) house, that's why I ask you to hold for me only!"

-______-"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And she is like Donkey, out of Shrek

AN: "Lalal....wo bu shi... lala..." (Singing to her self composed music and self inspired lyrics)
Me: "Adrielle, please keep quiet. Ethan is falling asleep. Please don't wake him up again."

AN went silent and all was well....till she started humming softly, slowly increasing her volume.

Me: "Adrielle....pleeeasssseee...."

Silence again

AN: "Mummy, you know what? The other little children keep giving me sweets in school." (Starts sharing everything that happens in school for the millionth time in the middle of the night when she was supposed to be sleeping)
Me: "Yes I know. Can you tell me more tomorrow and SLEEP NOW?"

ER started fidgeting by then and AN went silent again.

Less than an minute later
AN: "Dang dang!"(to the tune of an ending to most common jingles)
ER started crying and I was super irritated by then. AN hurriedly apologised.

All was silent again for a long time... and then .....
AN: "Mummy, can I have mem mem?"

-_____-"

ARGH....!!!!! ADRIELLE!!!!!!!!!!!!

First Blood

2011-01-23T07:56:00.000+08:00

ER slashed his own face with fingernails sharp as razor blades. They didn't look long enough to need a trim but because it was Friday (and MIL usually comes on Fri nights), I thought it was good time to trim his nails. Else it's common I get asked: "why are his nails so long? Don't you trim them?"

Fact is, I do. But they sure grow fast. The nails need trimming twice a week if I prefer not to have to repeat my answer every week to the same question: "I TRIMMED THEM JUST A FEW DAYS AGO!!"

God gives mummies strong and usually accurate gut-feels. Something told me I should NOT cut his nails that Friday (the one that had just gone by) but did so anyway, ignoring the voice that said to wait till they grow a little longer.

True to its word, seconds after the first nail came off, ER started crying. I wondered if I snipped too close to his quick, fearing the worst. It didn't look too bad for a start; it looked like I did cut too near but didn't do much damage.

The moment I finished telling myself : "It's not too bad.", the tip of that index finger started bleeding. It bled, and bled. I washed the finger, applied pressure, checked to see if bleeding stopped after 5mins, saw that it didn't, continued applying pressure for 5 more mins, checked again, saw blood, applied more pressure, checked and repeated.

After 15 mins, I was using a second piece of tissue paper to press on the wound because the first piece was bloody. Not soaking in blood but bad enough for an infant :*(

Tissue paper is no good, coz the fibres may stay in the wound and possibly cause infection. Also if the cut was bad or if the clipper wasn't clean, that's double the chance of infection. But I didn't have anything else to press the wound with. :(

It kept bleeding, so I kept wiping. *heartache* I wondered if he would go into shock from losing too much blood.

The "Voice" told me again: "Drip some breastmilk on the wound. BreastMilk is antibacterial." I trusted it this time.

That finger continued bleeding for a while more and diluted the drop of B-Milk on it. I had to clean it off and drip another drop on his finger. I wished I could use a plaster on him but no, because he chews on his hand. That may worse what's bad enough.

At this point, 2 and half days later, the wound has healed completely (in fact it healed the next day but one could still a tiny scar on the finger tip on Saturday).

I'm hoping there will be no infections and fever as a result of it, no profuse loss of iron, no "anything else unforeseen".

And lesson learnt: Trust the "Voice". I'd rather let him scratch himself a little here and there than to do something just so that I can answer to someone. In this case, I have only myself to blame for lacking discernment.

Less Is More

2011-01-22T23:10:00.005+08:00

Silence is gold, more so when two people have different opinions.

We've never sent my parents gifts during CNY and my parents never mentioned anything about it. These are formalities, some traditional practices that my parents have never expected of us.

She came, questioning me on why I did not buy my parents CNY goods. I replied that my parents never asked for any of such and she insisted that daughters should not go home empty handed.

But of course....this is what SHE would have expected of her own daughter to strictly follow. No prizes for guessing why I appreciate my parents more. They do not stick THEIR traditions onto us and expect us to follow...unlike her.. I was soooo tempted to reply: "They are not THAT old fashion.", exact words she used when she commented that my mum fed me traditional confinement soup: "Your mum very old fashion. I'm more modern."

My foot.

That is not being modern. The right words to use are "more ignorant". And no less "old fashion" like most other elderly, especially Asian elders. Please, don't live in self denial, still believing that you are westernised, just because you've visited many parts of USA and prefers it there.

And while I was settling the kids in the room, putting them to bed, Mr Liow was outside, helping her fix her laptop. When I came out finally, he was still at it.

I asked if he had taken his shower to which he replied that he hadn't. She wanted her laptop be fixed "by tonight preferably". She heard him and commented: "You shouldn't be bathing so late. Its bad for health."

Any concerned mums would have hurried the son to have his shower first before continuing. What a concerned mum my hubby has. Such concerns for her OWN stuff LOR. She continued asking him about her laptop instead of worrying about his health. Just like how she said he should rest coz he was tired but went on to ask him to drive her to factory outlet that's about an hour's drive away (or more), just to get a luggage to jam up the already crowded car.

"Mums are the best", she always says. I say, it depends.

Some relationships survive better when words are few. Especially in one where respect is no longer present. No one appreciates advises from a person who expects more of everyone else than herself.

I'm proud of MY mum. She deserves the award that someone else has been frequently emphasising about. She's not the best, but at least she does things for us without expecting returns, and sincerely cares for our well-being, not by simply saying: "You should not bath too late." Actions speak louder, remember?

Seriously, BTH.

Bottlefeeding

2011-01-20T15:32:00.000+08:00

Attempt #1

Status: Fail

Tried twice. Once when he wasn't really hungry and he didn't want, obviously. Second attempt tried when he was really hungry. Too traumatising for him and we failed again. Hehe.

Wasted 8oz of milk....but not really. The furkids got to drink again. They got it the first time when AN was an infant. Let's see how they do this time. Dared not give them too much, only 4oz from the first try. The remaining 4oz is going to waste. It still pains me to watch the milk go down the drain. And I thought being a 2nd time milking mummy means I'm less inclined to feel it.

Bottlefeeding breastmilk is troublesome. U need to thaw milk, then heat it up. And there's the sterilising part. Lots of work.

I tried to be smart and bought a set of wide base medela teats from USA but after sterilising, when milk was FINALLY warm enough, I realise the teats didn't fit the regular medela collars.

-______-"

I had to dig into the cupboard to find the regular teats that came as together with the bottles and collars.

Glad I bought the sterilising bag from Amazon, so sterilising those accessories were made a little simpler.

He was crying so badly he turned red during our 2nd attempt. Before he starts turning purple, I latched him. The first time since days ago, he happily latched on and DRANK without fidgeting.

Uh-oh.

Need to get him more used to the bottle, else I can forget about taking assignments.

For tomorrow, I've prepared 3 packs in the fridge to be thawed in time.

Baby boy, you can do it ok?

Praying for Charmaine

2011-01-20T08:15:00.001+08:00

There had been a period of time when I saw banners and links to this blog of a lady who's fighting cancer with her baby girl, Charmaine.

Lest we all forget, the little girl is still fighting. Her mum's appealing for O+ blood. The blood goes into a public bank but even though we won't be able to do a donation specifically to Charmaine, it does help in that her wait will be shortened.

The last time I wanted to donate blood, I was rejected coz I didn't meet the weight requirement (45kg). Now it seems the minimum weight is 50kg.

I'll try to link her to my blog first chance I get to be on the Mac today. I'm still not too familiar with Mac and had no time to familiarise. Hope to get it done so more of you can follow the mummy's posts and pray for the family.

Each time I read about Charmaine, I tear. Her mummy's so strong, so is the little girl. Here I am, whining about Adrielle's tantrums and eating habit when one mummy out there is fighting with something extraordinary and still is trying to stay strong for her girl each day.

Please keep the family in prayers as the Spirit leads. And if you somehow feel prompted to help in any ways, please do not hesitate.

Here's a one-time link before I put it on my side bar later.
http://ourfeistyprincess.blogspot.com/

Slowed to a halt

2011-01-20T02:22:00.001+08:00

Our boy has all sorts of behaviours. Most often, he wouldn't want to suckle to sleep (in my arms) and for the past wks, he drinks (as in a proper feeding session) only when lying down on the bed, refusing when I offer him while holding him in my arms. If I insist, he'll suckle for less than 5mins and goes without a feed for anything been 3-5 hrs (he makes noise in between, especially when he needs to sleep. He rather be walked to sleep on most occasions). And he falls asleep, seemingly on an empty tummy.

It was something else tonight: his eyes were closed but he was drinking while lying down, moving his hands and kicking his feet. He pushed me away, so I thought he probably didn't want to drink or suckle anymore. Picked him up to walk him but he couldn't sleep either. In fact, walking him actually woke him up. All these while, he made no noise.

FINALLY after more than an hour, on my latest attempt to nurse him to sleep (after trying and repeating the usual methods), his feet stopped kicking and his hands moved slow....till they came to rest.

*phew*

Was wondering how long he'd take to get to dreamland and praying that all those fidgeting won't end up upsetting him and making him cry. Thank God the zzzzz-bug kissed him in time.

Is this his new 'stunt'? Hmm....

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Not enjoying school

2011-01-19T08:09:00.001+08:00

Past 2 school weeks were good. She would wake up, leave with Mr Liow and upon reaching, put her bag and bottle away before washing her hands and sitting for breakfast.

It's different this week. She cried from Monday and it's Wednesday today. It got progressively worse since Mon.

Mr Liow said the teacher told him she took a long time to settle down. I wondered if it was coz she was sleepy but Mr Liow didn't think so. He said she was chatty in the car.

I wonder if it's the school then. We signed her up at the first opportunity we got and have never once sat in with a class.

She started school full of enthusiasm for a start but just when most kids are getting used to school, she's starting to NOT get used to it. Seems like school is not like what she thought it should be like, or used to be?

I wonder if it's coz school is no fun?? Did school kill her excitement? I had fears that she will start to hate learning with the strict academic system in Singapore. Is this an indication already?

It does feel different when we bring her to school. Atmosphere in class is different frm Gymboree. Maybe preschool is different from Gymboree, or schools in Sgp are generally boring. It's fun and exciting whenever we get to Gymboree. There's music, and lots of colourful things in class. Here in Shekinah, we enter a quiet room with kids quietly eating. No games, no toys, no music, no colourful and cheery things to see.

Is that normal?

I feel like taking her out but will we be able to find her a school that's more fun? Seriously, it's too early to kill her interest to learn.

Am I paranoid? Should I let her continue for the whole N2 year and switch her elsewhere from next year?

Times like these, I start missing Tucson again. I think she'll be happier learning there. :(

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Amazed by Delphin

2011-01-17T23:23:00.047+08:00

One day, last week, Delphin lulled the little boy to sleep on air purifier mode.

It did the same thing again on Saturday while I was vacuuming the house at its highest power. Even Mr Liow was mystified by how it worked because, with high power comes loud noise, usually. Delphin is noisy at its highest power but the noise it made while at work was hardly disturbing.

That's one more plus point for us after ER got lulled to sleep the first time.

That wasn't the only thing that impressed me.

I forgot to dump the dirty water from the tank after use yesterday morning and when I used it this morning, the citronella scent from the essential oil I used in the tank the day before, remained fresh! It didn't smell a single bit foul.

This reminded me of how the water in our then-new Iecology stank after I left it in the tank for about half a day after cleaning. It stank bad after only a few hours!

And Delphin's water tank is so much easier to clean after use: just a tank compared to iEcology's many parts besides the odd-shaped tank.

I'm enjoying housekeeping with Delphin. Hehe.

UPDATED @ 3:06pm, 18 Jan (Tuesday)
They arranged for a product training which was a total waste of time. Anyone who has ever used a vacuum cleaner knows how to use those accessories. Delphin didn't come with many.

-____-"

When I asked about cleaning up liquids before we bought it, we were told we could. Then I realised I could only pick up small amounts of water, little at a time, with the metal bar. No rubber squeegee part given, not even if I want to buy it. The lady just said: "No way to do it." And gave me the why-do-you-need-a-squeegee look, even after I explained that we wet-mop the house sometimes and want the machine to be able to pick up water so we don't need to worry about kids slipping.

I asked about the shampoo function and she looked blankly at me. Had to show her the picture from their manual before she understood. She referred me back to sales and said she won't know much about that.

If she came to sell us the machine, it would be easy to say no. Coz she made the machine appear lousy.

I still like Delphin. I just wish it's Iecology in a Delphin body. Or rather, I wish Delphin is able to do what the Iecology can. It's 2.5 times the price of my snow white afterall..

Too bad for us. This is not USA with a 30days money back satisfaction guarantee. This is $ingpore.

P.s: I still enjoy using it. Just didn't think it's worth paying that much for. It's worth probably as much as ecology or less. Don't you (mm ma & whoever owns one) think? Hehe. No bian liao.

Super Annoying

2011-01-17T00:04:00.002+08:00

REALLY. ... AN seems to be on my nerves over almost everything.

She wants things and doesn't take "no" or "wait" as answers. She takes eternity to finish a tiny portion of food, as usual. What's new? That she's also learnt to not ask for things properly. It's increasingly common that she's stomping to get things her way.

Best thing is, when Mr Liow and i are ignoring her bad behavior, one 'kind' soul steps in to nicely assure her: "don't cry ok? Its ok. I love you.see? You make daddy and mummy angry." And repeats the "I love you, don't make them angry k? Otherwise they won't love you."

*%})[*￦|:¥$®°¤%@'-",~...

Bad behaviour is NOT ok! And being angry does not make us love her less. And quit stepping in when she's vulnerable. She needs to know she's being punished, not unloved!! What we need is a common stand. What she's getting is misconception that bad behaviour makes the whole world angry but grandma still loves her.

Why don't she take that 'kindness' and show it to the nieces? Coz she can't! Its easier to be nice when you are not in charge of discipline!

If you can't help, then step back. Don't make things worse...

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Ethan Ryence at 3weeks into his 3rd month and my 'mummyhood' thoughts

2011-01-14T12:56:00.000+08:00

He was able to grab his own hands since a couple of weeks ago, just in time to do the 'gong xi gong xi' for Chinese New Year, or so we thought. He's still doing it but lesser the past few days but he's grabbing everything else that goes near him.

He's grabbed my glasses when I put my face close to talk to him, grabbed my hair (easily, like AN used to) and my clothes too. hehe. And he looks at what he got in his hands, surprised and probably proud that his hands actually do something besides wave around uncontrollably!

He's able to turn to his side but not flipping yet. AN started flipping after her 4th month so I'm not too worried although it will be nice if he starts to show signs of flipping soon. A friend's son who was born same day as ER has turned (she said turn but seems to mean flip. That's so fast! So the KS-ness in me is a little hoping that ER will do the same soon. hehe.)

Baby Center suggests that ER should be able to push himself with his hands and lift his head up during tummy time. He's able to lift his head up but not as steadily as I imagine the article suggests he should be. But it's ok. A head lift is still a lift.

Dr Tan told us on Wednesday: "I'm sure by now you would have realised that boys are a little slower than girls." He remembers AN even though we didn't bring her with us to ER's vaccination-cum-checkup appointment. That's why we wouldn't mind waiting 3 hours for Dr Tan. He's like a friend (and he even said he's seen our kids grow since AN was a newborn and we're already friends)

I have noticed and do remember that was what I read in the baby books long time ago when AN was an infant herself. Still, it's only a little less than 4 months. Concluding that ER is slower than AN is a little unfair, to him.

Both of them are just, different: AN more cool, ER more smiley. AN more reliant on me, ER more on Mr Liow. AN very petite at 3% (still is) and ER fleshy at 75% (duno how it's going to be like when he starts semi-solids).

I think AN at this age was able to hold things well enough (hold and drop) while ER is still at the earlier stage of being able to hold. I may have remembered wrongly.

"They do catch up with girls later on in life". Dr Tan echoed what I remembered reading in those books too.

Here's a record of his growth:

Heigh: 61.5cm (Mr Liow said he saw 65cm and kept staring at the 65cm mark where ER's heels were but the nurse recorded it as 61.5cm..oh well..as long as he's growing.)

Weight: 6.4kg

Head circumference: 40.5cm

I've checked AN's booklet. ER is bigger in all physical aspects than AN at her 5th month checkup (likely even bigger than she was at an older age). This is his 3rd month checkup!

What remains the same with the both of them is, they are our bundles of joy.

AN at age 4 (this April) is a little more of a handful with her "I-know-it-better" and "I-do-what-I-want-to...NOW". But she tries to step out of that "stubborn" shell and when she does, she's an angel. And those things she says..I should compile them and quote them back to her when she grows up. Mr Liow wonders who taught her to say things she said. It's the Lord who created intelligence and she's just reflecting His work by listening, processing and then speaking (and acting). So it's important we model only good and right things, say only kind words. I struggle in this area, especially when she upsets me. But I will not give up trying.

ER? His smiles, his baby talk, his gazes...aww....I never thought I could fall in love with an infant. AN was not easy because she was our first. And it's no joke getting no sleep, getting sore, cracked and bleeding nipples from nursing for the first time, handling an infant for the first time. To be fair to AN, if she was my 2nd baby, I'd be having an even easier time than I am having now because AN was actually an easier baby than ER. But it's easy to fall in love with an infant now because of experience. I can handle the 'unexpected' fast enough to realise how adorable little babies are! Best thing is, they do not reason with you even though their reasoning makes no sense sometimes. hehe. He "gooos" and "gaaas", asks me "how are you?" and replies "gooooood" when I ask him back. hehe. Other than being busy, it's fun.

As often as I reminiscise about days without kids, an immediate 'after-thought' speaks: "Is life not good now? We have AN entertaining us with things she says, and ER entertaining us with silly smiles and actions".

Life was good, better now.

We never know what the future holds. Mr Liow lost a colleague in the biking accident at Changi during New Year Day and they met just days before he passed on. I can only do what I hope will be best for those I love (and imperfectly because that what I am).

I don't know about tomorrow

I just live from day to day
And I don't borrow from its sunshine
For its skies may turn to gray
I don't worry o'er my future
For I know what Jesus said
And today He walks beside me
For He knows what lies ahead
Many things about tomorrow
I don't seem to under-understand
But I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds my hand

Delphin, the Multipurpose machine!

2011-01-14T12:05:00.000+08:00

It's starting to show increasing value for the price we paid!

ER was fussing a while ago while I was clearing up BM's wastes in the toilet. I turned his cot mobile on to keep him entertained and he was, for a while, but started fussing again. It won't hurt for him to cry a little after whining (I predicted his whining will evolve into mild cries 10 mins later). Since it's going to take a while (say, 5-10 mins to throw and lay new papers), I let Delphin into their room to clean the air as well since I hardly get to clean that room properly because that is where the kids nap. I have time to clean the house only during their nap time on most days but then because they nap in their room, I didn't want to wake them up with the noise from cleaning.

Technically speaking, they have the dustiest room in the whole house.

By the time I was done and went back into the room, the boy was peacefully sleeping! He fell asleep all by himself! Or it could also be Delphin's 'breathing' that lulled him to sleep. In fact, the moment I turned Delphin on earlier, he stopped whining. That left me wondering if he would fall asleep by himself, and he did.

For the price that we paid to have Delphin work for us, I'm starting to 'see' returns more than the dust being drawn into the tub of water. hehe. Good news eh? hehe!

More than 1 way to playing with a rubix cube

2011-01-13T12:40:00.001+08:00

AN sure does use her brains.

She asked if Mr Liow would allow her to play with his rubix cube. He said no and asked if she knew how to do it.

She replied: "No." (that she didn't know how to put all the colours together) but continued:" then can i mess it up?"

Cheeky right?

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Rubbish Dump

2011-01-13T10:49:00.002+08:00

Much as i want to do something about the cleanliness of our home, i have no time to.

ER had been fussing every hour or so last night and I'm dead tired now. Was hoping to steal a little rest here and there and hit back onto my pillow soon after AN left with Mr Liow. This little feverish tiger didn't feel too well and i woke up to rock him after 15mins of shut eye.

For the next 3hours, i had to hold him. He seems to be making full use of this privilege now that he's not well!

The floor is indescribably sticky. Its not just their pee stains. Bailey and Maen licked the whole floor, probably with the intention to save me the need to mop. This is day 3 since i last mopped the floor. I am hiding in the room coz its the least sticky.

The mirrors....there are prints all over. Been a month since i cleaned them but there weren't anything to clean before today. All of a sudden, stains emerged! The window grilles are dusty, as are the windows. There are thick layers of dust on furniture tops, and Mr Liow had to iron his own clothes. All these just because we were out yesterday and i skipped one day of cleaning.

Clothes pile up overnight especially with kids. Clothes plus wraps and blankies.

And the little one is calling for help now. He managed to play by himself for 15mins. Fever seems to have gotten better at 37°c and he doesn't feel that warm to touch now.

Bet I'll hv to leave cleaning till later again. Hope he'll get a better rest now that fever is leaving so that i can do some damage control.

The Jabs

2011-01-12T23:58:00.000+08:00

As expected, AN had problems waking up this morning and told me she didn't want to go to school, citing sleepyness. ~______~"

ER is due for his 3rd jab so i followed Mr Liow when he sent AN off to school. Bad move. AN threw a fit and the teacher had to tear her away from us. Sigh.

Waiting time at Kinderclinic was 3hrs long as usual but all worth it coz ER was seen by Dr Tan. Finally got an appointment for the next vaccination once done. No more walk-in and long waiting time!

We went over to my parents' place after lunch at Nex. ER was fine initially and even chuckled with little teasing by mum. I don't know what happened next but he started crying soon after i took him back coz he looked like he needed milk.

For the next 2 hours, he was uncontrollable. He sounded like he was crying in pain and couldn't be pacified much till Mr Liow carried him. We decided to pack mum's homecooked food and return home for dinner. ER actually cried all the way home and even while on his own bed.

Remembered Pam encouraged us to ask in the name of the Lord when we pray and by then, i was desperate. ER looked like he was in bad pain and my heart ached for him. He had been literally screaming for the past 2 hours and i had no idea why. So i prayed in the name of our Healer, for relief. I prayed for healing for Ethan, if that was what he needed. That minute i said Amen, ER started suckling and fell asleep the next second!

Thank you Jesus.

ER will hv a 5% chance of fever from the vaccination and i am ready to fight it with him. He was fine the past 2 jabs so i pray that he'll be fine this time as well.

It could have been pain at site of jab, pain somewhere else, blocked nose or discomfort from his impending fever that caused him to feel this upset.

For now, i'm just thankful he's peacefully resting after the traumatic crying he was went through a while ago.

Updated at 7:45am (13 Jan)
ER had fever last night and needed to be walked about on 2 separate occasions to feel better. Poor thing. AN woke up one of the 2 times to ask if ER was ok. sure hope so, soon.

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The Wedding

2011-01-12T18:51:00.000+08:00

I can't post pictures of our gorgeous bride of last evening coz of the big limited space left on my loggers account but she really was! Am so happy for her. Sheryn has been a very good friend, one I've had for 18 years. I can't believe its been this long!

She's one of those friends whom you can sit with for hours without talking and not feel uncomfortable. And watching her dance through the door (yes she did, so cute!) yesterday, i can't help feeling moved. I would have cried if she entered accompanied by slow music.

Its always fun meeting the girls. The girls of our next generation enjoyed too and AN had fun laughing at little things Josh did. Thank God my mum had foresight and fed AN before we fetched her to the hotel, so i could allow her to play with the kids while we had dinner. While AN enjoyed herself with the kids, ER enjoyed attention from the adults.

Not to forget, Shuping was there too! Been more than 2 years since we met up. Must really meet again soon to catch up.

Dinner was served fast and we managed to leave at 10.45pm, before dessert though. AN had school early but Mr Liow took leave.

By the time i settled the kids down, it was still past midnight. AN knocked out the moment lights were switched off. ER couldn't sleep well coz his nose was blocked. It was worse than past few nights, poor boy. Was glad AN could sleep well though.

The next news we should be expecting this year will be more babies by shiyun, ting and maybe even Sheryn? The stock will be as busy this year helping God install more babies!

Efficiency is - doing only what benefits the organisation

2011-01-11T16:08:00.002+08:00

"ABCD" organisation knew when we rented our home out in May 2008 (somehow...)and started taxing us at 10% of our Annual Valuation.

End of our latest lease was in March 2010 but they are still charging us 10% for 2011. When I called in, they asked if it was still being rented out (they didn't know that it's no longer being rented out wor...then how did they know in the first place when it was?).

Should we not be vigilant enough, we'd have paid the amount they asked for.

So we're supposed to apply for owner-occupier tax rates again and still pay the full 10% before they will refund us the difference by cheque.

They somehow know when they are supposed to collect more tax from us but do not know when they are not supposed to anymore. How efficient.

What naturally keeps me awake

2011-01-11T12:22:00.001+08:00

ER's blocked nose is getting worse. I don't know if he got it from AN or is that infant congestion. Either way, he's having problems breathing.

He wakes up every hour to latch last night, for comfort I guess. And from near 4am, he couldn't sleep. he wasn't fussing though, but he was chatty.

Ooh...all the "goo-s" and "ga-s", his smiley eyes, his cheeky smile: those were what kept me awake. It's irresistible. The little boy is too cute to ignore. Hehe.

We chatted from 4am till about 5.30am and he got cranky after that. Understandably so, since he had been awake for 1 1/2 hr. I had to walk him to sleep since he didn't want to suckle. He's very UNLIKE AN in this. AN could sleep in no time whenever she latched on. No matter how early I wanted her to sleep in the past, all I had to do was latch her and she would be asleep in seconds. Not ER. Most times, he just wanted us to carry him to sleep. Nursing to sleep happens once in a while.

Having gotten not much sleep and to wake up by 6.30am to help AN prepare for school, I was dead tired. My body recovered once I woke up. AN went to school happily as usual (I tried to not pick on her refusal to finish her milk) and I went back to rest a little more.

Didn't expect that little shut-eye will take 3 hours. I even dreamt that I went out with Lishi. hehe. The next thing I know, I had 6 missed calls from my father and an sms from Mr Liow informing me that my family is looking for me. My dad called to inform me that my mum made lunch and he will be bringing it over to me shortly.

I am blessed. Can't be more thankful for my family. Days like these, I feel how perfect God has made my life to be. But then because of how I choose to respond to random events that happen each day, I end up with results of a less-than-perfect life. I should say, I had a perfect start this morning to the rest of today.

ER is whining again. Got to bath him now. It's Sheryn's wedding dinner tonight and the kids are coming with us. Can't wait to meet the pretty bride and share her special evening with her :)

Laugh or Cry?

2011-01-10T09:05:00.000+08:00

After AN left for school at 7.15am, I sat down to record her time table, look through her school's calendar in details and was about to do some filing, when Mr Liow brought her back. His car couldn't start and he was waiting for his friend to come.

AN will not have time to eat in school, so I made her some milo. As it is on most mornings before school, she could only finish as much as 50mls. Didn't want to force her, so I finished the rest.

We heard ER crying and sweet jie jie AN ran into the room to pat him back to sleep while I was washing my hands. She ended up waking him with her endless yaking and the non-stop kissing on his cheeks. It's frustrating coz I was going to do housework after filing some papers.

ER started fussing as AN yakked on, and then he farted. AN was tickled but I was getting increasingly frustrated coz she couldn't stop talking and monkeying around. Without ER around, its cute. Not when she's waking him up.....

She started laughing hysterically while slapping her thighs: "Mummy, he woke himself up with his loud loud 'poot'. So funny!"

-_____-"

ER was totally up by then, and irritated. I must have been hiding my displeasure quite well, coz AN was still feeling ticklish. Sigh...there goes whatever time I have to do stuff. From 7.45am till now at 8.55am, I'm still trying to coax ER to sleep...

.S...igh.....

Both kids down

2011-01-09T10:33:00.001+08:00

They are still playing as usual but both are having blocked nose.

AN is recovering I think. Her mucus is thick. So is ER's but his blocked nose seemed worse last night.

AN showed signs of blocked nose since her 3rd day of school and has since passed it on to the little tiger boy.

Pray that it won't get any worse. come to think if it, ER's having it better. He's falling sick for the first time after 3 mths. AN first fell sick when she was less than 1 mth old. So pitiful...but she's come a long way. Jie jie can blow her nose now, so as long as the virus doesn't weaken her, it bothers her none.

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Vacuum cleaner investment

2011-01-09T09:19:00.001+08:00

We had a Delphin sales person come over to our place yesterday while Mr Liow was away at his mum's. I watched a rainbow demo before and this machine is similar. It's no doubt cool, knowing the dust particles do not exit from the other end while the machine is at work, but both machines are costly! The Rainbow was abt $5k 4 years ago, and Delphin $3.5k.

Since Mr Liow wasn't around, I couldn't decide (if it was half that price, I'd be more willing). I die at the hands of sales people. The more persuasive they are, the less capable I am at rejecting. More so if the salesperson is friendly and nice.

She almost left when I told her I'd discuss with Mr Liow who came back right then. She spent another hour doing the demo and Mr Liow said "ok lor." after she was done and he got some questions answered.

We now have a dustbag vacuum cleaner, genie, the iecology, the irobot and now Delphin in the house, one more costly than the other.

Mr Liow said as long as I like it. He wanted to get me something most women like, for our anniversary but didn't coz he knew I didn't fancy diamonds. And he bought me the cleaner. Hehe. I think I have to redo my favourite-list. I'm moving into aunty-hood too soon!

I'm giving up the traditional dust bag machine with new bags and filter (self collect) for adoption. There's an odour when turned on even though the filter is new. I don't know how to get rid of that odour. Let me know if any of you are interested and can overlook the odour ya? iecology will go to my parents if they are interested. Genie probably to my aunt.

We're only keeping the robot and Delphin.

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Beck and call

2011-01-07T15:59:00.002+08:00

I got a call at 10am in the morning and was told the cabinets will be coming at 2 pm. I will not be able to wait at home because I'd be fetching AN and even if I rushed back, it would have been near 3pm. She could have come down but she suggested: "Ask you father to go and wait for the cabinet so I don't have to go over. So troublesome."

Trouble? Ask MY father to go through this trouble for HER? She's no one to my father, for goodness sake!!

Delivery time got changed to 3pm, so I took AN and ER and rushed back home (with my father's help ultimately, and I didn't even ask for his help. That's what my parents will go through for us). I'm so super thankful that my parents, unlike some others, have always been supportive and tries their best to be flexible for US. And they never once expected anything in return, never in words, never in action.

AN fell asleep in the cab and staggered back home after alighting.

Then at 3.18pm, I got a call saying the cabinets will not be coming. She added: "It's a free service, so there's nothing we can do about it." I agree with that sentence. Under normal circumstances, I won't have blamed anyone ELSE because it's a favour and we appreciate help. But I can't bring myself to cool off, especially when this was caused by one who practises double standard.

We seriously are not that hard-up for a chest of drawers and some rubbish, are we?

But one good thing as a result of this was, AN went to nap by herself just now. I told her I had to wait for the movers to come with the cabinet and asked her to go sleep by herself first. She did :) yeah. Another step nearer to independance...can I accept that happening?

End of first school week!

2011-01-07T08:16:00.016+08:00

Thursday (6.1.11)
Mum took AN home before dinner yesterday and brought us fried rice that she made. I'm so thankful for mum. She is as busy as us, if not busier, now that AN is at school.

seems like AN is really eating better now that she's in school. Teacher indicated on her parent-teacher communication book that she had both breakfast and lunch but no milk. Back at my parents's, she had almost 1 slice of bread but fell asleep while eating, leaving only an index-finger-sized portion. And this also marks the 1st time she slept without me by her side.

Mum said she was very well behaved, my aunt came to see AN yesterday and complimented her on behaving well too.

Friday (7.1.11)
It's finally Friday! AN has a hard time waking coz she sleeps after 11pm. I'll see what I can do to make her sleep earlier. Quite a feat coz flexibility is limited to when ER sleeps, or wakes. Many times we end up sleeping late coz ER needs attention and the longer he takes to be pacified, the later AN will be tucked in. She can't sleep till lights go out.

Surprisingly, she asked for milk this morning and finished it! I made her 100mls.

I didn't do well enough though :( She wanted to put her pants back on after toilet just before she went to school. I told her she didn't have to, because it was only a short distance to the sofa where her panty and school uniform was. She insisted on putting on her pants even when I could have dressed her for school and she started stomping again. We both got upset. I did as she wanted, to put her pants back on and took it off again. I was rough with her and she cried :(

This time I recovered soon enough to dispel the anger. We hugged and made peace, kissed goodbye and signed "I love you", but still, damage had been done :( Mr Liow smsed me saying AN cried and didn't want him to leave when they got to school. Was it because of the earlier episode?

I'm sure she'll be fine when activities start in a while, I hope.

Mr Liow's mum will be shifting her stuff over later. I wonder what time......Don't know how to call and confirm, as if everyone's required to be at her beck and call...was that not what she would have expected of anyone else if she had to wait them? To at least give a timing??? Double standard..

Hope to be able to go fetch AN today. My heart feels unsettled when I hear she's not happy :(

Updated @ 4:03pm
She came back a happy girl. Mum and I waited outside the classroom and coz the door was frosted glass, we could see some of the little girls standing against the door. We saw a little girl lean against the door, and then one more which I know was my baby girl. She's that petite and I recognise her bag and bottle. hehe. She was actually imitating her classmate who was leaning against the door before she did.

She happily came out when the teacher opened the door for another student whose mum rang the bell (I went knocking on the glass door when there was a door bell -_____-") She saw me and showed me a pieces of artwork in her hands that she said she didnt' make. The other 2 girls each had one with them as well. hmm...Not something she made, so what's it doing with her?

It was one of the teacher's last day and she had a farewell gift of sweets, and inside her bag was a weekly book of report. It records the activities she goes through in a week: art, chinese etc.

They are learning to draw lines: straight, horiontal, vertical, curved etc. That's to prep them to learn to write letters. I'm surprised. AN finished writing A-Z in both big and small caps before ER popped but she's stopped practising since then. Apparent the N2 students have not learn to write anything...?

Does anyone have any idea if montessori students will be able to fit into Primary school well? It seems they do not follow MOE curriculum. hmm..

What sets my heart at ease is knowing AN enjoys herself at school. hehe. That's what matters more at this age :)

Inspired thoughts

2011-01-06T13:40:00.000+08:00

Read the blog of 2 of my buddies who are going through similar stages as I am now, and I feel overwhelmed by the many emotions as I learn to let go of AN little by little..

She's starting to enjoy school. At this point in time, being in school for only 4 days, she probably is still enjoying herself coz everything is new to her. I was expecting her to not take school as well as she is taking but I'm blessed that school seems like a 2nd home to her. she wakes up in the morning, lazy and sleepy. But when she's more awake, she thinks nothing of leaving my side as I dress her up for school. With a hug and a kiss, she leaves me happily.

I don't know how it's going to be like today. I had wanted to go over but it started raining heavily and I didn't want to subject ER to the weather, I had to stay home. I'm going to break my promise to her when I told her this morning that I'll be there to get her at 1.30pm. I pray she'll not be disappointed when she doesn't see me. My parents will go get her and unless she asks for me, mum will try get her to take her nap before bringing her back to me. We'll see how the weather's like before deciding.

She was not really well behaved at my parents' place yesterday. She asked for something that didn't exist and when told that we do not have that, she kept insisting that she wanted it. That was already trying my patience but I swallowed it and calmly told her that it didn't exist. Not there and then. My dad managed to dig something out according to her description and she accepted it (what my dad brought her wasn't something she's ever seen or played with before). I asked her to thank grandpa but she not only refused, she looked away and ignored me. I repeated myself a few more times, giving her the benefit of doubt that she probably didn't hear me and each time I repeated myself, I got louder. She continued to ignore me.

I got upset and reprimanded her. She continued to ignore me!! I told her to go away from me since she's not going to listen to me anymore. She did as told. -______-" She then started crying when I ignored her as well. I reminded her that she was supposed to thank grandpa for getting her something and for being stubborn, she was supposed to apologise.

She didn't.

I don't know for how long but she gradually stopped crying and starting playing with my mum. All while I was still fuming. I can't stop fuming and I don't know why! Mum then asked her to apologise to me but I couldn't bring myself to forgive her, yet. Mum cut an apple up and asked her to give me some. I continued to ignore her and she sadly ran back to popo telling her: "Mummy is still angry with me."

I kept telling myself to forget what happened earlier. It was not super terrible thing she did that I should get THAT upset (she did not thank my dad, that was all. Ok, she also threw tanthrums when not given what she wanted, and she ignored me when I spoke to her). But I couldn't make myself move to hug her and make peace that soon. Finally I did, and things were back to normal.

She actually obeyed me when I ask her to not come to me (since she thinks she didn't need me anymore). But when she apologised, I didn't accept it. Judy, please take note!

She's either becoming increasingly independant now, or fearful of me when I am angry. She doesn't come cling onto me crying and apologising now (because I ignored her too much?)

I'm missing my needy baby :( I actually miss her neediness!

Hugged her pillow and sniffed it hard this morning. I'm not used to not having her by my side when I lie down (back to nursing ER to sleep). I'm not used to not hearing her tell me: "Mummy, can you turn to me?" I'm not used to not having her stick to my back while we sleep. I'm not used to not feeling her presence near me! I think she's better at overcoming separation anxiety than I am.

And she just called from my mum's home. Mum had just gone to pick her up. I asked if she missed me. She said no and added: "I didn't cry today." She sounded happy. Told her I missed her and hugged her pillow as I nursed ER just now and she giggled. She said she will hug her pillow when she comes back later. Mum asked the teacher how things went this morning and the teacher said she was very well behaved. And she ate. Mum made lunch and AN wanted some. Mum's going to feed her.

Maybe I should not be in the picture all the time. I can't be with her every moment in her life.. She probably anticipates certain expectations I have of her and fears that she may not be able to meet my expectations. And she behaves unlike herself coz of that fear. I don't know.

Another mental note to myself: how I behave will affect how AN grows up. She's not the blur toddler anymore. She's a preschooler who watches and learns, listens and understands. Everything I say and do will result in a behaviour. Whether or not that behaviour is acceptable to me in return, it's got lots to do with myself!

I can't control who she learns from (people and family she comes in contact with) but my respond will largely affect her in how she responds to people as she grow up.

Dear Lord, please give me self control and the wisdom to be a good model for AN to follow. Whether or not I'm showing positiveness, she's going to learn. Lord, help me to display positiveness.

Teach me to be like you.

School Day 3

2011-01-05T23:46:00.000+08:00

It was a good school day. Mum and I took ER to bring the big girl back.

The door opened and she was sitting happily with the other kids, waiting to go home. I saw her waving her feet left and right and chatting with another girl. She said she wasn't chatting with anyone but, nevermind.

AN said she finished a bun for breakfast and her lunch of noodles. I'm quite doubtful about the bun but I think she ate at least a little coz she said there was "green and yellow things" inside. It said just "Steamed Bun" on the menu.

Teacher helped her scoop up food and she fed herself. She said the teacher fed "some other children".

They are still in the process of changing some activities in the time table and will pass us a copy when finalised. As of now I don't know what they do in school.

According to AN, it was colouring on Tuesday and "a fat fat girl with cheeks like this (puffs her cheeks up) came to snatch my colouring pencil", she said.

And it was painting on the remains of a toilet roll today.

She had milo before napping and then dinner at my parents' place. If she did honestly finish her lunch like she said, it would have been perfect.

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I miss Adrielle

2011-01-05T07:58:00.001+08:00

As usual, she had no appetite for milk, so I did not insist. MR Liow suggested that she bring her cup of milk to drink in the car. I reminded her to have breakfast in school and she said ok. She finished bread for breakfast in school yesterday.

Am thankful I sent a happy girl off today, gave her a kiss and hug before she happily galloped off with MR Liow.

Right now as I'm writing this, I'm feeling emptiness. I miss my girl even though she'll only be away for half day. She said she cried ytd because she missed me too.

Need to doze a bit. ER woke up from 5am and wanted to chat. He's finally sleeping again at 8am now. Promised AN I'll pick her up this afternoon so I'll be going to my parents' place later after some housework and Baileys & Maen are fed.

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AN is sniffing

2011-01-05T05:40:00.000+08:00

She's started sniffing last night before bedtime and it sounds like her nose is blocked as she's sleeping now. And she's only been in school 2 days.

Praying that she will not have it too hard.

Even ER is coughing a little. I should start kissing both of them very very often from now on. The thing about breastmilk is that once the mum sampled the virus, her body will produce the necessary antibodies for herself and they get passed down to her baby so her baby is protected too.

I had been warned that AN will fall sick often, after she starts going to school. Just pray she'll recover fast! And that ER will not catch anything from her.

P.s: I think ER is falling sick too. He's coughing and sniffing more now too. Sounds like bad news. Uh-oh....

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Wrong move

2011-01-04T13:53:00.001+08:00

So, I told AN to have her meals in school this morning before Mr Liow sent her there. It was not a cheerful goodbye and I felt bad.

Arrangement had been agreed upon, that my parents will pick her up and I'll 'collect' her from their place. But because of the earlier scolding she got from me and the guilt I felt for not sending her off happily, plus Mr Liow mentioned that she sobbed as he left her this morning, I decided to pick her up myself. I was worried she'd feel abandoned coz she got it from me and may think school is punishment.

She had breakfast at school though. She was supposed to have lunch and take her shower in school today.

But, I made these mistake of calling my parents before coming over. I told mum I wanted to be around to pick AN up coz mr liow told me she was sobbing when he left. Mum told dad panicked and disappeared from home.

Mum thought he was on his way to accompany me back to their place (my dad NEVER encouraged me to travel alone with the kids, since AN was an infant). 10mins later, mum called to tell me dad brought AN home, at 12pm -_____-" AN's school ends at 1.30pm.

Dad said he went to peep into the class after he heard from mum that she cried this morning and AN saw him. She started crying after that. Teacher said she didn't cry before that but too late, dad took her home.

sigh...

I could feel myself getting increasingly upset. There I am trying to let go so AN can get used to school, there he went to take her away just because I said she cried.

Was glad I chose to swallow the frustration and calmly told him to let AN cry it out if she needed to because it is normal. He felt bad too coz he said teacher told him AN did not cry before that. He just didn't know how to react when AN saw him and started crying. The only thing he could do was to bring her back to their place.

We just have to try again with the lunch and bath tomorrow. Thank God mum made lunch for AN so she had porridge before dozing off till I arrived.

I pray that I'll learn to swallow my frustrations even if she chooses not to finish her milk tomorrow so that I can send her off happily to school.

My obssession over AN's eating habit

2011-01-04T08:23:00.000+08:00

Just watch Mr Liow take AN off to school. The day didn't start right.

AN did not eat the WHOLE time she was at school yesterday. I did not insist she drink her milk yesterday in the morning because it was early and she was not used to having anything this early (6.40am). But she not only refused cake (she didn't even take a crumb of it!), she refused her lunch in school as well. And she was so tired she fell asleep on the way out for lunch and slept till 4pm.

We fed her some noodles after she woke up and she ate a little before telling me she had enough.

ENOUGH?? Not a single bit of food and after a few strands, she had enough?

My blood started boiling. I tried keeping it down and she managed to eat more with some chatting and jokes. I don't know if she really enjoys watching me blow but it seems she is more likely to do stuff, just to watch my reaction..

She didn't finish her noodles but it was better than none. By then it was 5pm.

All she had for dinner was a cup of milk and a few bits of ONE tiny McWing for supper. That was a mini sized portion of noodles, a cup of milk (200mls) and bites of chicken for the whole day. It's probably something another kid has for one meal...

I made her milk this morning again. This can not go on...She couldn't finish it as usual and seeing how she takes a sip and starts to freeze on the spot made me upset again. It took her 15mins, to drink 50mls of milk. 50 mls!!!!!! She's drinking like a NEWBORN!!

She's 12 kg now, on good days. On days she eats like a mouse, her weight drops. I have no idea how to relax. She's not growing....She's still fitting into clothes of a 2 years old and she's turning 4years old in April. She's half the size she's supposed to be! Can someone please tell me they know another living and healthy preschooler who is 4 years old but is as light and small as a 2 years old?

But no matter how angry I get, if she's not eating, she will not be. I have to understand that when one has no urge to eat, one just CANNOT eat.

And then the issue of anger comes in. I have to learn to manage my anger. More often than comfortable, my anger overwrites my logical reasoning. I get angry, AN feels my anger. But things do not move the direction it is supposed to, even with all these negative energy.

I did a search (now that AN is away at school and ER is sleeping) and found some pointers on managing anger that I'll try when my blood starts boiling the next time:
1. Take deep breathes and remind myself to relax
2. Excuse myself if necessary
3. Think about the problem, work out several possible reactions and choose one that will hurt AN least (or not at all if possible)

I did 'kill' the anger before it started yesterday in the morning when AN refused milk and when she couldn't finish her super late lunch. I can do it again! The evil voice tells me: "But if she doesn't eat, she will not grow. She's eaten nothing the whole half of the day!" I can reply that if I do not display anger, at the very least, I will be less likely to deal with another issue as a result of my display of anger: AN's anger management.

I don't want AN to grow up learning to be angry, learning to display anger like I am. And I realise I'm starting to behave increasingly like someone I hate to behave like in this area of anger...this is really bad influence. I'm using words and behaving nonsensical like her...I'm just stopping short of spouting words like "stupid" and "idiot".. (by the way, this same person thinks it's good training for the kids to be called "stupid" and "idiot". What nonsense?? Will I become like that in future?? PLEASE, NO!!!)

I have to manage my anger before I become like that, before I lose my senses and think it's even right to start physically or verbally abusing the little one I love. This anger thing has to stop.

London Toilet Roll

2011-01-03T19:53:00.001+08:00

We were talking about toilet rolls when AN started singing...
"London toilet roll
London toilet roll
Toilet roll
Toilet roll
London toilet roll..."

She sings a song out of anything.

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"She's so steady"

2011-01-03T18:53:00.000+08:00

This marks a new chapter in Adrielle's life: her first day of school and independence!

She woke up at 6.25am because I was not sleeping beside her and she came looking for me on the bed (she's been sleeping by herself on the mattress beside our bed for the past few days. I lie with her till she falls asleep.) I wasn't aware that it was almost time to wake up and asked her to come lie between Mr Liow and I, till MR Liow informed us that it was only 5 mins more to the alarm.

So, we all woke up (except ER), I made milk for AN which she didn't have appetite for at 6.40am in the morning and then we all dressed up to bring her to school.

She was very shy when we got there and was stuck to Mr Liow and I, one after another. The little girl who got into class right before we did (also named Adrielle!!!) was crying badly. AN kept staring at that Adrielle and she looked confused. We took AN around the class to while other kids were having breakfast. Teacher offered her some chiffon cake and milk but she refused to sit down and eat. She clung tightly to us, all the most after noticing a few other kids who came in were crying too. She didn't cry, but she was starting to look more and more frightened.

Mr Liow decided that it was time to leave her to the teacher so we told her we had to leave. She didn't insist we stay and when we asked her to take teacher Liana's hands, she did and was led away by her.

We then went to look for MIL to pass her dentures back to her. She forgot to bring it home after leaving our place (in anger) last night...Mr Liow fixed some of her stuff and then we brought the set of sound system that used to belong to us, to my parents' place.

While moving the speakers, Mr Liow and I decided to peep in to see how AN was adjusting. MR Liow was able to see more than I could because he was taller and the rest of the glass was frosted other than that area at his eye level. He said she appeared calm and was holding the hands of the other kids forming a circle. They were doing some activities.

A teacher noticed us peeping and opened the door. She almost asked for AN but we stopped her in time. We didn't want AN to be distracted. We asked how she was coping and the teacher said something that would have made any parents with kids in school for the first time, really really proud, and assured. She said: "Nicole? She's so steady! Is this her first time in school? First school?" It is indeed.

The teacher continued that they had been using AN as an example to the new students who were crying, or those crying not because it was their first day in school.

Aww....the little girl is no longer very little already. She's learning to be independant!

Mum and I went to pick her up after her school hours and the moment the door opened, she was all ready with her bag and bottle. She was all ready to leave -____-". Teacher said she didn't want lunch and didn't want to be bathed, so they did not insist.

They'd probably try again tomorrow.

First school day had been a success, something totally unexpected. We thought she'd cry and were praying that she will get used to going to school on her own soon. Let's see how it goes tomorrow.

hehe.

ER at 3 months 13 days

2011-01-03T01:19:00.000+08:00

While waiting for Mr Liow to call home, here's to record ER's growth:

He's 6.1kg now, me at 46.1kg. I have 1.1kg to pre-Ethan weight, 3.1kg to pre-Adrielle weight.

I'd be contented to go back to pre-Ethan weight. Going back to pre-Adrielle weight is bonus, pre-Adrielle SIZE will be a miracle.

Big Fight

2011-01-03T01:13:00.000+08:00

On the 2nd day of the new year, there had been a big fight. First it was between my SIL and MIL who then came over to our place with her belongings (like she used to after a fight with SIL before we went to Tucson).

Then when Mr Liow tried to talk to her (he just wanted to help MIL see some facts), she flared up, and then left our home as well.

Mr Liow is out hoping to find her safely back at her own home now. It's AN's new school day tomorrow. We owe her one, for not making it memorable enough, or for making it too memorable...

People fight (Mr Liow and I argue, my mum and I, even AN is capable of arguing with me now). Why the need to walk out and leave? To make the other party feel guilty? Or is it pride?

Whatever it is, I just hope she's safe. No one is perfectly in the right all the time. I know, me included. Her too.

Leading by Example

2011-01-02T01:16:00.001+08:00

My SIL is shifting and left her kids with us over the weekend.

The girls are older now. So different, and sensible. I find it a pleasure chatting with the older niece in fact. It's AN who had to be taught manner while playing with the girls. :(

Baileys and Maen loves them and at the girls' age now, I feel safe allowing them to interact under no supervision from me. I noticed hw the elder niece gives them belly rubs instead of chase them around the house like she used to when she was younger. Amazing how kids grow..

With Mr Liow's mum and the girls over, the house was livelier over this holiday. And I actually forgot to feed the furkids. The elder niece reminded me. But she accidentally added: "Popo (Mr Liow's mum) said she's not going too feed the dogs because you own them, you feed them." That reminded me, about how MY own mum NEVER failed to feed them when we stayed at their place for 3 mths after we came back. It's ok that MIL doesn't feed them. I don't expect her to. She is right, my dogs, my responsibilities. But imagine her telling the kid that. Teaching selfishness?

When they came over on Fri, she couldn't find some ingredients that the helper was supposed to have packed for her. she got very angry and started calling the helper "stupid" and blamed her for not putting the stuff in Mr Liow's car. The elder niece actually commented: "Poor M is going to get it again." The helper didn't come coz she was busy helping Mr Liow's sis pack, shift and clean the new house. IMO, pack your own stuff and stop blaming the helper for everything that went wrong! And don't bring your anger and rudeness into MY house! The poor helper must be up to her neck with the shift. Can't one do this little thing of packing by herself? By the way, I found what she thought the helper forgot. It was on the table! She just didn't see it...poor helper got scolded by her for nothing and I doubt she'll apologise to her.

We thought SIL wanted the kids home ytd, so we took them out before bringing them home. ER needed a diaper change and the odour from the trash in the babyroom was horribly strong. Mil was with me and she kept commenting on the odour. She got increasingly irritated as I changed ER. After I was done, we made our way to customer service to inform them so they could get a cleaner to empty the trash. The odour was indeed unbearable. The CS staff noted and started dialling (for housekeeping dept I guess) when MIL walked over and very agitatedly raised her voice at the girl saying in mandarin: "This is so unhygienic. It really stinks in there!" I was shocked, the girl was shocked. She didn't have to scold the poor girl. She sees nothing wrong in scolding anyone, and I mean anyone who doesn't agree with her.

From the shopping mall, MIL and kids said they knew their way home. On the way out of the carpark, the older niece made a mistake of suggesting a wrong direction and that took us on a much longer way to their new place. Mr Liow's mum got very frustrated and started commenting that Mr Liow should have turned right instead of left and kept repeating that the short distance had become so much longer.

Mr Liow got irritated with her endless blaming while he drove and reminded her that he didn't know the way coz he had never been to the new place. She then blamed the older girl for giving wrong directions. The younger one said what grandma said earlier: "should turn right, not left " and got told off by the grandma: "if you knew, say it earlier, it is too late now."

Precisely. If she herself knew the way like she said, she should have corrected the older niece right on the spot, not tell the older girl off after the mistake.

The thing was, no one else in the car was frustrated with the extra distance. She was the only one pointing one finger at the niece, and the other at Mr Liow for taking a longer way.

At my SIL's hm, MIL started making insensitive comments and getting touchy yet again, worrying about where she'd be sleeping coz reno is still on-going. SIL assured her that by that night (we went yesterday), the bedroom will be ready for sure. MIL then went around inspecting the house and questioning why works in kitchen is not completed, why this why that. SIL repeated countless times that the workers are rushing works at the rooms first so that everyone could sleep in peace soonest.

If my mum was this insensitive during our reno, I'd have blown up. At this point, I'm just reminded further how selfless my parents had been. They were in no hurry for us to shift out of their home and if they saw something that didn't look right, they helped us, not nag at us to make it right! She's just adding unnecessary stress to SIL...I could sense stress just by being IN the house, more so with those senseless comments and requests...

Mr Liow noticed that the rooms would probably not be ready that same night and asked his sis where her girls would have to sleep. SIL had no idea too and Mr Liow asked her why she didn't want the kids to stay one more night with us. She said MIL wanted them to go hm to her. She said her mum didn't want to trouble us. What trouble could there be (if MIL helps out a little with the extra housework? But no, she's a tai tai.)? We assured SIL that the girls were very well behaved and frankly, I enjoyed having the girls. I think Mr Liow too.

Is there a need to be so selfish, to decide for herself that we will not take the girls in just because she doesn't think we should or would. Ask us, don't decide for us and cause a possible misunderstanding between Mr Liow and his sis who may think we are that heartless to not help her when she needs our help.

She wonders aloud why the elder niece is so short tempered and calculative, then concludes that she's "mean, like her mum.". I've seen enough of her own short-temperedness, just these 3 days alone and for the past decade. We rarely see SIL losing her cool. MIL always says that she knows her own daughter better than Mr Liow knows his sis, that she's rotten to the core (when they quarrel) etc. We see a less than perfect side of her but rotten to the core? How rotten can she be if she makes plans for her kids' future, makes efforts to reserve speaking meanly to her mum when we are around, when she brings her mum with her on some of her holiday trips etc? I don't know my SIL well enough seriously.

Updated: Before I even finished writing this, MIL came back to our place after returning to his sis' place. She came armed with luggage and all. SIL had enough, as I will if I were her. And they got into an argument.

MIL started complaining about SIL the moment she arrived, hoping to get my agreement about what the quarrel was about. I do not agree with her at all frankly, with the rush in reno, purchasing of home accessories and work, the last SIL needs is MIL's ranting and picking on minor overlooks. I kept quiet coz Mr Liow will do the talking after a wedding dinner.

Guess what? She listened to nothing he said, insisted that he sided with his sister, claims that both her kids are useless and decided to leave our home after screaming at the top of her voice at past midnight that she had useless kids! She's trying to inform the whole neighbourhood!

Mr Liow could still keep his cool and ask her to stay. He was just staying facts and not chasing her away but she kept repeating that both him and his sis are useless, at the top of her voice!

I wonder where he gets his patience from...he's never that patient with me when we argue. Now he's patiently receiving her accusations...

By the way, she ridiculously insisted she was never wrong to call the maid or kids stupid because they need to learn to deal with it in future when people give them a hard time. Just weeks ago, she quarrellled with her own sis coz the sis commented that sgporeans are stupid. Just a sentence and she flared up.

I think Mr Liow's mum has many problems.. she has the rights to stepon the world but takes no criticism. Ci xi reincarnate.

With this happening, all the more I appreciate my own mum. We argued but my mum never raises her voice. She went out to cool off but never called me nasty names.

I gave my parents nothing but they never complained. Mil has so much but shouts to the world that SIL doesn't give enough.

I've run out of respect for her. Totally no more left.

My imperfect Angel

2010-12-31T00:16:00.002+08:00

Had been having issues with AN: her being painfully slow at eating, her eating too little, her decisions to do things I said she was not to do, her behaving angry (my fault. She learnt that from me). As of now, these are her worst behaviours.

But I do believe her when she tells me: "Mummy, I'm trying to be a good girl." When she tells me that, its usually as an apology for disobedience. I'm a cruel mummy though. I tell her I don't believe her (even tho I do) because she does the same naughty things after saying sorry. This makes her sad. I badly need self control to stop using such negative attitude and words with her.

I am thankful that those words have not taken effect in her yet. The more negative I am, the more she will not grow up being truly loved and loving. I badly need to give myself time out for being a worse offender...she makes mistakes coz she's still learning but I make mistakes that I AM AWARE I should not be making :( Someday, she will be convinced that my love for her comes with conditions and that is NOT true.

I'm put to shame when I see her silent efforts at "trying to be a good girl". She's increasingly frightened of monsters lately and stays very close to me during bedtime. But coz I need to nurse ER to sleep, I have my back to her most of the time, till she falls asleep.

She'll often plead: "Mummy, can you turn to me?" I'd tell her that I can only turn to her after ER falls asleep. So now, she'll ask: "Mummy, can you turn to me after he falls asleep?" I'll put my hand over her as she snuggles close. Still, by the time I turn to her, she will hv fallen asleep.

And since she hardly gets to hv me turn to her before she falls asleep, she's started asking that I pray for her now. So, we do that. I'm telling her the same thing each night, that our Lord Jesus is bigger than monsters and when we pray, the monsters run away. She didn't want to pray a while ago but after I told her if she doesn't speak to Jesus, he can't hear her, said her own prayers aloud while I prayed for her. I heard her thanking the Lord for everything she has! Sweet :)

She went quiet right after "amen". Must be really sleepy. I turned to her and guess what I saw? She placed her Hello Kitty stuffed toy right in front of her face, as if Hello Kitty is watching her sleep!

She's also started wearing my t-shirt to sleep and when Mr Liow asked her, she replied that she wanted to smell me. How to not love her?

At times like these, I feel soooo guilty. If only we didn't have ER, she'll not need to wait for me. She's been such a sweet sister to him, always willingly waiting for him to be pacified before she gets what she asks for.

I'm really really blessed.

For this new year, I want to be good. I want my actions to assure AN of my love more than words.

"Mummy go work, Daddy relax at home"

2010-12-28T02:23:00.002+08:00

Mr Liow was joking with AN about something and causally made this statement which I happened to overhear.

And so I asked him to define 'relax'.

He smiled sheepishly and hurriedly tried to convince me that it was just a joke.

I know, but it's not very funny.

When he gets to watch TV, surf the net or play games on Wii while our infant hangs from my breast, am I relaxing? While he gets gets proper sleep at night and I get woken up by ER, am I relaxing? When his duties end by Fri evening and mine continues through the weekend, am I relaxing? When he has days of peaceful lunch (occasionally, coz he's mostly too bz to eat), I'll be at war with fussy-eating AN. Not relaxing at all. When there are things to do every second of the day, it's not relaxing.

Not many people see home-makers as workers, and I've had many people envious of my 'tai tai' status. Too many times, people tell me: "I wish I'm like you, don't have to work."

Maybe neatness at home, kids get fed, appointments get made and met, AN learning to read and write, laundry gets washed, bills get paid Etc., these all happened by magic!

I'm not upset though, and not complaining either. Sure, situations do get on my nerves many times but I am actually happier slogging my life away on my loved ones than an employer unrelated to me.

Although there are times I wish I can run away from kiddy tantrums (on bad days, the kids take turns to act up and those cries do make one feel depress), take a break from using my hands to using my brains more, dress up and go out without having to worry if the heavy diaper bag is properly re-loaded everytime, meet friends as and when I want, take leave to not do anything for one whole day, to just "relax", and "don't have to work", I will not trade my duties for anything.

I just wonder how it'll be like if "Mummy goes to work and Daddy relax at home."

P.s: MR Liow does try to help when he's at home. This post is not to say that he does nothing to help.

P.p.s: I love "relaxing" at home. This post is not to say I hate what I'm doing now.

Just wondering, why do people mistakenly comment that mums who stay at home do not need to work?

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We went 'part tor' (dating)

2010-12-28T00:40:00.001+08:00

MIL made plans to take Mr Liow's nieces out for movies today and decided to take AN along too.

So, with only ER left, Mr Liow took me out on a date. Hehe.

We drove to Vivocity and took the tram into Sentosa, pushing the stroller and carrying ER.

It's Monday today! But Vivocity is as crowded as a weekend. The crowd going in and out of Sentosa was even larger..

Mr Liow regretted not driving in. oh well, we'll just take it as experiencing public transport into Sentosa today.

It's hard to see Universal Studio Singapore and not compare it to the ones in LA and Orlando...

Firstly, ER needed to nurse, so we went in search of a nursing room. Guess what, there is one, BUT its simply a small room with 4 walls, poor ventilation, loud (pop) music and no seats, no furnitures. It was a small empty room!

Having no other options (unless I want to nurse ER under the hot sun), I decided to nurse him in the prison-like room standing up.

For the benefit of those who wonder what's in a typical nursing room, there should at least be a chair to sit on. Everything else (like a mirror to make sure the mums are appropriately dressed before stepping out into the public, a place to put our belongings on, a hand sanitiser or basin to wash our hands before nursing) are bonuses. Oh, and ventilation. This nursing room has enough oxygen for a mum and her infant to stay alive for...maybe 15mins or so.

We walked around after ER was done. Hmm....there wasn't a Universal Studio store outside the theme park (Mr Liow said there is one inside). And the Universal Studio globe wasn't turning. Hmm... It's not fun at all..no music, no happy faces. It's more fun inside, according to Mr Liow. Hehe. Will have to pay it a visit someday!

From the outside, it totally didn't feel like the way leading to Universal.

We left Sentosa after the short walk, did some window shopping at Vivo, then MBS, had dinner, then to fetch AN. She enjoyed herself with the girls as usual. She's been asking to meet her cousins right after the wedding dinner last week.

ER is not exactly easier than AN at this infant stage. Mr Liow agrees too. Guess it's just us who are more experienced now, thus handling an infant is less traumatising.

All 3 of us enjoy ER. Yes, even AN. she'll come tell me excitedly whenever ER starts blabbering to her and she'll shriek: "he's so cute!"

Indeed, he is. AN used to be too (she still is, in a preschooler way). We were just too preoccupied learning the ropes to notice this the first time.

So, ya. We went on a date today and held hands after a long time (maybe not. We did hold hands at Genting when Andy took AN on rides and mum carried a sleeping ER so that we had some 30mins to 'part tor').

Let's see when we'll get to go on another date. Hehe.

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Back and Busy

2010-12-24T01:06:00.001+08:00

The trip was good! It was really not an anniversary trip with kids but we enjoyed ourselves nonetheless.

More about the trip in a later post.

We got home in the evening and the moment we stepped out of the lift just outside our home, it didn't smell like good news. We caught scent of Baileys and Maen's faecal mess, when they do make a mess (usually when they have no more space on the paper to pee or poo on coz no one's home to change new papers for them)...MIL had just finished clearing up and mopping the floor clean minutes before we reached home. That explains the odour.

We will need another session of moping tomorrow coz there had been poo all over the tiles outside the toilet and they probably stepped on poop and then all over the house. It takes experience to know exactly how and where to mop when accidents like these happen. And we have to dust the house tomorrow to receive our ministry for Christmas celebration in the evening.

Had just folded clothes I hung up to dry before we left home on Monday, finished with washing the 4th batch of dirty laundry and drying some of the first batch of washed clothes in dryer. Toooo much dirty laundry to do, too little time to wait for them to dry! Its costly to use the dryer but at times like these, the dryer is a life saver!

Domestic matters like these turn me off holidays. Its basically pushing work off and then rushing to complete them in the shortest time possible. How do working mums with no helpers survive after a holiday??

Our dining table is in a huge mess...I'm so tempted to go do some packing up but I'll only be disturbing MIL if I do..

Thank God MIL came to help with BM else ....

Frankly, I truly enjoyed holidays when it was just Mr Liow and I in the past. No furkids, no human kids, no worries...

But then again, when we see how happy AN was at the theme park, that's enjoyment too.

I'm learning to be less particular about housework and mess now. It's seriously not easy...just the thought that the home is not clean enough is already causing me insomnia..

Better sleep now though. The baby will be waking up any minute and I need to conserve some energy for housework part 2 tomorrow.

Good night (or rather, Good morning) to all!

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Tomorrow Genting

2010-12-20T17:07:00.004+08:00

Doubt there'll be wifi tomorrow in Genting, so I won't be able to update.

BM will not be boarded this time. MIL is willing to come keep them company. Thankful for that! If given a choice (our parents never would have agreed to help us look after BM in the past. Duno y.), we'd rather not have to board them at all. Everything at home is familiar and truth is, home is still sweetest.

Will leave home early tomorrow. Hope I didn't forget to pack anything important!

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Blessed 6TH to US!

2010-12-20T03:07:00.001+08:00

This past weekend had been a busy one.

We should rightfully be having a nice getaway and would have if we do not have the kids in tow, yet. With only 1 in 2007, we still managed to spend our then 3rd year anniversary in Sentosa.

Lots of things are different with a 2nd child now. Maybe coz he's still young? I'm not sure how it's going to improve or if it will when he's older.

So, our 6th anniversary this year (which also happens to be MIL's birthday) was spent, doing grocery shopping for dishwashing detergent and diapers after Mr Liow got his car checked, and before meeting his family to celebrate his mum's b'day together.

And day 2 of our anniversary was busy too. Everyone woke up early for MIL's baptism and right after that, she had to attend the tea ceremony of a relative. Mr Liow drove her there, got us lunch and by the time we were ready for a nap, it was past 4pm.

AN needed this nap coz there was also a wedding dinner. She would not have been able to remain sane without a nap for this long day.

She had only less than an hour's nap, but better than none. We started rushing again the moment she was awake: change her, do my makeup and MIL's, change ER, inventory check the baby bag for necessities etc etc. And then we rushed to the ballroom. Rush, and rush!

It's finally over, our 6th anniversary and this weekend.

Mr Liow had something else planned for, in lieu of this year's anniversary that we had no time for this weekend: it's a trip to Genting from Tues to Thurs!

My mum and Andy will be joining us. I'm looking forward to it.

Dear, thanks for planning this getaway. Happy Anniversary to us. I'm blessed with having you in my life, blessed that I've spent half (almost) of my life with you in it. It's the little things in life that make our marriage whole, and it's these same things that happen which sometimes make me wonder why its so hard for 2 people to live together, even after knowing each other this well.

There are couples who go their separate ways because familiarity breeds contempt. I'm thankful familiarity makes me fall in love with you again.

I pray for many more years and as usual, I will not live longer than you will because I won't be able to go through a single day of my life knowing that you will not be part of it anymore.

Yes, I'm more selfish than those who will choose, if they could, to live longer lives than their other half so that their loved ones need not suffer pain of loss. I don't have that sort of courage.

So, please take good care of yourself ok?

Love you dip dip.

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Yucky cockroaches!

2010-12-20T02:19:00.001+08:00

Mum and I had been noticing cockroaches for the past weeks. The first time mum saw one, she wasn't sure if it was a baby cockroach or tick (she's never seen a tick).

The next time she saw it, she wrapped its dead body in a tissue for my inspection. Thank God it was a tiny infant cockroach. There will be one, just ONE crawling from under dining table/chairs each day. mr Liow flipped the chairs over but FOUND nothing though.

This morning, we woke up earlier than usual. It's my MIL's baptism today. But then either B or M peed in the kitchen and the pee flowed along the grouts. The big puddle of pee actually flowed all over the kitchen and under the crates. The sight of that,mess almost made me go crazy...

To clean under the crates, we have to push them aside right? Guess what? When Mr Liow pushed the crates aside, at least 30 tiny cockroaches scrambled out! Arghh! There was pee and cockroaches! Terrible combination...

He wiped every cockroach he could see and every piece of paper towel he used were soaked in pee too.. Ultimate disgusting..

Had wanted to pass to Mark to donate to shelter but just nice Jean's gg to Dallas in May next year so we can pass to her Who knows, the crates were in such a disgusting state...

Nw that the crates are dumped, I hope we won't be finding any more baby cockroaches..

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New job description

2010-12-19T07:31:00.001+08:00

Its MIL's baptism tomorrow, and Mr Liow's cousin's wedding dinner tomorrow.

For both occasions, I can't just appear in t-shirt and shorts. So, after returning home from dinner with Mr Liow's family (time was 9plus when I started), I took a while to try out some clothes. Finally found 2 sets (that doesn't make me feel fat) after an hour, put washed clothes onto bamboo poles to dry, did some big business in the toilet, fed ER, etc.

Realised I've not prepared their outfits for tomorrow, took another hour to find 2 dresses for AN to choose from, and clothes for the little boy. Once done, their bag had to be packed too, with snacks, more diapers and wipes for ER, extra clothes in case of 'accidents' etc etc

Before I knew it, it was almost midnight (and ER was still randomly crying for some reasons).

And right before we were to turn in, I remembered that AN probably has outgrown her dress shoes! Got her to try and true enough -_____-"

But...

I got her a few pairs of shoes in different sizes from Piperlime last year, so *phew* she have shoes to put on.

Part of a mum's job includes fashion coordinating and being able to foresee what the kids, now double the duty, will need, now, tomorrow and months later.

And since I don't have foresight, I'm blessed that things fell in place in the end.

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That about mopping

2010-12-18T03:38:00.001+08:00

I've forgotten that we used to survive in this same house with floors mopped once a week!

Now floors are mopped everyday, sometimes twice a day.

Had been using steam on the floor for a while but stopped coz I suddenly recalled a friend saying it consumes LOTS of power!

True enough! Our utilities bill this month: $389.xx! For only this month!

*faint*

THE PRICE WE HAVE TO PAY...for what nesting instinct that comes as part of the motherhood package.

I'm back to traditional mop and pail.

One compliment I got (a positive appraisal) from MIL last wkend: "I can't see where the dirt comes from." when I told her it must be dusty somewhere and showed her my feet.
Must have been the rooms which I mop only once each week.

How not to mop everyday when dust and dirt and fur and hair,prevail here, right under our feet, on the tabletops, and in every corner of the house?

Sigh...

I must learn to relax...I must relax...I MUST RELAX!

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New Blog or...not?

2010-12-15T17:20:00.001+08:00

I can't post pictures again...maybe I should sign up for another blog? Hehe. Reuse every single design back here. Think about it...

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Petty me

2010-12-14T10:00:00.001+08:00

When I started breastfeeding AN more than 3 yrs ago, it wasn't easy. Both our mums didn't think much of breastmilk but thankfully, it was Mr Liow's aunt who helped with my confinement and she let me do what I had to.

It was during weekend when Mil came over that was the struggle. It started with lots of explaining why breastmilk is best but being countered with how its going to be easier and 'better' for baby to take formula. Not to forget, no water for baby. Again, it didn't seem humane to her, so she gave, ignoring us. That was then.

But all those were past. Our parents have witnessed how healthy AN was in her 1st year and are 'converts'.

It was weird though that when I was chatting with Mil last weekend about her sister being rather discouraging towards the daughter's (Mr Liow's cousin) attempt to breastfeed. I commented that it is hard when the mums do not understand our desire to nurse but then, most mums feed formula milk in the past. It's tough too, to change the mindset they have that formula is best. I'm not against formula milk. AN was on half half for her 1st few months of life.

Guess what she said? "I knew how good breastmilk is. I read a lot. That's why it was easier for you last time. Not like ps (Mr Liow's cousin)"

HUh?

How should I reply? That opened up an old can of worms. She had not been supportive at all when I needed the support at the very beginning. If I had not insisted, if Mr Liow was not supportive, I'd have given up.

Yet she remembered that she was one rare supportive Mil? No! She was not one then! She just gradually grew into our style and watching me nurse became natural after that! I would be thankful if she (and my mum) stopped suggesting formula then! Arrrghh...!

It's conversations like these that puts me off.

Is she really that forgetful? Or does she only want to remind herself (and whoever else) that she's better than she really is?

Maybe I'm just petty. Not that I want her to remember she had a part in making it hard for me then. I just don't like it that she thinks she had been very supportive right from the start!

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Our Keys Guardians

2010-12-14T00:18:00.001+08:00

Our main key plus those for window grilles, heavily guarded by Woody, Darth Vader, and I-don't-know-who-is-that.

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Welcome note

2010-12-13T16:12:00.001+08:00

AN's 1st note to her dad

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Fruits Galore!

2010-12-13T00:23:00.001+08:00

I should start taking pictures of fruits from now on.

Krislyn, Andy's girlfriend's dad is in the fruit biz and he's been sending us loads of yummy fruits!

My parents got giant juicy and sweet brown pear-like fruits and blueberries for a start. Then when Kris knew AN loves blueberries, her dad gave us 6 boxes. And bro came early morning yesterday to deliver a pretty set of 4 packs of strawberries and a pack of grapes.

The thing about these fruits is, they are all sweet and juicy! I think her dad picked the best of his freshest batches for us. I love berries but those that I've ever bought are between tasteless and sour, or not very juicy.

And one can expect a few fruits that have ripened too much in a pack. Those from Kris were perfect: every single piece were fresh, bright coloured, sweet and juicy!

We finished a pack on that same day. Left with 3 packs, see if my mum wants any. I'm tempted to feast on more, maybe tomorrow with my laoban.

1 hour and 20 mins more to his flight arrival. Counting down...

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Day 9: Not everyday is Sunday

2010-12-12T16:36:00.001+08:00

My 'Sunday' came yesterday. It was nice and peaceful.

It's Sunday today, but feels less so...

Was mopping the floor and ER kept waking up. Thank God though, that he slept through our breakfast...

Took me 2 hours just to mop the living room and 2 rooms.

MIL came back from church so she could stay in sight of AN. This girl needs someone around her lately, and if I'm not free to stay around her, anyone else can do.

Rushed thru ER's bath time so that AN could have her lunch. She had been nagging about having bread with milo again but refused fried rice for lunch. Had a showdown with her, she apologised and agreed to fried rice.

Took her 2 hours... TWO HOURS to finish 80% of her food. My blood started boiling after the first hour.

MIL helped rock ER to sleep whenever he woke up during the 2hours and I could see he wasn't resting well.

MIL wasn't feeling well herself and had medicine but wasn't able to rest peacefully coz that boy kept waking up.

ER finally appeared to be in a deeper slumber after a while more and since AN couldn't sleep with wet hair right after her shower, I did wiping. Considering that the last time corners of the house was dusted, it was by our part time helper before she smsed me writing that she broke her arm and had to rest. That was about...a month ago??

But surprisingly it was not very dusty when I wiped! I think mum did the dusting for me. She told me she wiped the TV console when she saw me do it last Wed. So, I stopped wiping. She must have wiped more than just that then.

AN then decided that she wanted bread with milo when I was finally done and showered. Had that and was supposed to sleep but couldn't stop yaking and asking to do more stuff: wanted to read, wanted to pee, kept getting up to pull the blanket over ER coz she didn't want him to feel cold (sweet of her), asked to have my pregnancy wedge to sleep on (been hers since ER came out), sang songs she made up, one after another...and before she finished this last song, sleep caught up with her.

It's 4.30pm now and I'm taking a break. ER must have slept enough just now and he's wide awake now. He is talking so much I wonder if AN had secretly passed on an invisible marathon torch to him before she fell asleep: torch of endless talking.

I guess by the time ER has enough of talking, AN will also have enough of sleeping. It's ok though, coz I'm not tired.

Mr Liow will be home in less than 12hrs. AN had been asking for him for the past week and when she learnt he'll be back early tomorrow morning, she got excited too.

Can't wait...we miss the man.

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Day 8: peaceful schedule

2010-12-11T18:01:00.001+08:00

She's got so many things she wants to do but deprived of, coz I either have no time to sit through a proper session of play or some other activities with her, or it's something that requires cleaning up which I do not foresee I'd be able to complete till who-knows-when.

By God's grace, even though there's no one around to help today (MIL made lunch and dinner for us before going out), I had the luxury of time to complete each task peacefully today! Keyword here is PEACEFULLY.

I mopped the floor while ER slept. AN was playing by herself and not being very insistent about having me play with her today as compared to other days.

I even had time to play Jenga (tumbling blocks) with AN while ER kept himself occupied by yaking to himself.

He fell asleep again while we skyped with Mr Liow, and then we had lunch.

The kiddos' bath times today were also peacefully executed (AN usually helps me bath ER so she's not the problem. It's him who needs to be asleep so that I can shower AN in peace). And sleep, he did.

We had more sessions of Jenga and checkers (while snacking on strawberries) and then it was time for nap.

AN couldn't sleep coz she was hungry, so I made her milo that she could dip bread in. I have no idea since when she learnt to eat like this because the last time I suggested she could dip bread in milo, she wasn't interested.

Finally she was tired but ER woke up. Took little coaxing before he went back to sleep again.

While nursing him back to sleep, he was playing with "mem mem": he suckled and let everything flow out of his mouth as he baby-talked with me and finally, he emptied what was in his mouth by spitting the remaining "mem mem" out. Then he drifted into dreamland too.

I have just woken from a good 2 hours' nap.

*streeeetcccccch*

Life is good today. Hehe.

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Day 7: The mums

2010-12-10T21:04:00.001+08:00

Thank God for the mums, both.

MIL spent last weekend with us and cooked for us. She's back again this week. Relationship now is somewhat different.

There are still differences. I still have problems with some of her values or ways of doing things but we have more to talk about now, somehow.

She's been sharing with me stuff and asking for my opinions. She maintains her stand and I maintain mine. Topics were close to heart and I appreciate the sharing session.

As for mum, she's been here the whole week, helping with the cooking, some housework and with the kids. I'd have felt my privacy being invaded in the past. I know, ungrateful me. This time, maybe as I age, I'm learning to appreciate the help. What privacy? How much can privacy be worth?

One day when it's my turn grow old, I hope to fade away quiety. Life is this simple. What used to be important are no longer as important now.

Day 7: -____-" cleared

2010-12-10T20:55:00.001+08:00

I still maintain that I did not receive any missed calls to be informed of no-show but an understanding has been established. I was supposed to receive the call but I didn't. It could have been due to anything: network, lost call, wrong number dialled, or whatever else. And the trip was a rush.

Previous post to be ignored and taken off.

Day 6: Admin matters

2010-12-09T15:34:00.002+08:00

First HPS, then my IC renewal (ok, these are personal matters), then CDA, AN's birth extract, school registration, stemcord payment, bills (utilities, phones, internet, tv, etc to check, pay and file), filing...

Really can't afford to forget any of these..because, efficiency of certain organisations are not up to standard!

HPS took so much efforts and so long to get approved, birth extract too, almost got lost in the mail, my handphone bills are high for ridiculous reasons, CDA got rejected after we've waited 3weeks because form was "not complete" and they didn't specify why.

And I received a letter from Stemcord saying that the fees will be deducted from Mr Liow's credit card few days back. Haven't found time to file it and I got a call today asking me for the CDA account number.

The staff asked me exactly when I received the letter...and among all the letters I've filed, I couldn't find this particular one...-______-"

Wrong time, wrong thing...

Apparently, they didn't think that they sent any letter to me. No records of that in their system. I won't mind providing them with the CDA account number since this its going to be how their yearly fees will be paid.

I'm just worried they will charge us double. Last time when we signed AN up and indicated the Yoongs as our referral for rebate, they too did not rebate the Yoongs! Not very honest of Stemcord. We won't have known if we hadn't asked them coz the Yoongs forgot about the rebate too.

Sigh...will see how. I've dug into every possible file and found no such letter...will check again after the kids fall asleep before calling Stemcord up again...

Can't do without an effective filing system...I'm not good enough.%

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Goodnight Prayers

2010-12-09T05:34:00.001+08:00

As I lay me down to sleep
I pray dear Lord, my soul to keep
May angels watch me through the night
And keep me in thy blessed sight
Amen

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Day 5: More interesting words she's used

2010-12-08T23:20:00.003+08:00

While skyping with Mr Liow this afternoon, AN was busy with something behind me. She dropped it I guess, and went: "Oh shit!"

Again, I looked back but she didn't hide this time. She repeated herself when I asked her what she said. I'm ok with "oh shit" but I was curious where she heard that from. She said daddy says it. Mr Liow was like: "No! Not me!" over Skype and both of them started pointing fingers at each other. Hehe.

She said it again a second time and I told her she can say: "oh my goodness" instead. I heard her use "oh my goodness" once, and "oh my god". I think she's learning to punctuate her sentences with words now.

When ER suckles till there's "letdown" of breastmilk (and milk spurts out uncontrollably), and then he lets go, there will be a mess! I've gone: "jia lat!" on many of such occasions. AN saw this happen today, panicked and went: "jia lat! Mummy I get the hanky for you!"

Mum and I looked at each other, wondering if we heard her say that. She noticed and repeated herself: "mummy, jia lat...so messy."

*faint*

For those who wonder what "jia lat" is, it's literally translated as "eat strength" from hokkien and means big trouble or simply "oh no" (I wonder why the words and its meaning are not related).

These exclamation do not bother me as much. Hee.

By the way, AN was in her best behaviour today, or at least I noticed her trying. We had no arguments today. She was cooperative, said sorry immediately when she realised her mistakes and stopped doing what she apologised for.

One thing though, was that she needed someone with her all the time and ah girl happen to be her companion for the whole day and since last evening.

Poor yiyi. hehe.

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