Peaceful Closure

Am going to end this blog on a peaceful note. Therefore I've taken out the last post. :p

To be continued

High time I shifted to another blog anyway.

Here's the link: (Removed. on second thoughts, I'll only give the link to those who has gotten used to reading my blog or have benefitted in some ways, or people who love me dip dip. hehe. email me at judy09@yahoo.com)

BUT

This time, no more chatbox, and comments will be moderated. Please keep the chats coming in though. You have no idea how much I enjoy chatting with you.

Those who somewhat feel unwelcome (from how I post replies to you, you can roughly tell), you will feel more enriched doing community work. Don't waste your time despising my burdens. So, goodbye for the last time I hope.

Like I mentioned, there are friends who had been harsh and frank but they made their points without sarcasm and offered help in many many ways (suggestions, encouragements and even physically offering to help). You do not fall into categories of the unwelcomed. And I am more than thankful to have you be part of my life (if the feeling is mutual).

See you over THAT side *wink wink*

p.s: You don't need password to access because I don't know how to protect my privacy and at the same time, still give you guys the convenience to access my blog. Until I'm trolled again, I don't think I'll need a password.

updated: Just so that I do not need to 'shift' again, I think I'll just remove the link to filter out potential trolling.

The End

I have enough.

There are people who are truly concerned and I am thankful. An anonymous reader dropped me a comment which I've not published but I appreciate your frankness.

No I do not want to be unfair to Baileys and Maen. Yes I did and do love them. But no, no longer how I would have.

Long ago, when I was expecting AN and visited a friend who had only given birth, I saw their dog, a maltese with seriously matted fur, tied up outside their house (a landed). At that point, I did suggest to them, to have the dog put up for adoption. Which is more irresponsible? To leave the dog there or to find him a better family? Everyone will poll differently but I gave the irresponsible suggestion of having the dog given up for adoption. They had no time for the dog. But my friend's dad wouldn't give him up. He couldn't bear to. It's been 4 years now. And the dog is still there, tied up, with badly matted fur and bad skin condition. The dad still wouldn't give him up. Still can't bear to.

Fast forward back to 4 years ago, I wondered if I'd ever neglect Baileys and Maen at that point. I tried my very best not to have that happen. Were they important to me? Of course. When I felt tremors (AN was only 4-5 mths old then), I took the furkids with me and AN. They couldn't walk down stairs then, so we took the lift. Many people who cared not for dogs would have suggested "take the stairs! wait till the lift breaks down. See how you will have to die with your baby because of 2 dogs."

They still were important when we had to come up with a plan to bring them with us to the States. We settled for less (long flight on UA when we could have gone on SQ and not forgetting, Mr Liow has slip disc. SQ would have been of more comfort.), and we even travelled separately because the last domestic flight took only 1 dog. So I took AN and Maen. And then we returned by EVAir 2 years later (again, putting Mr Liow in a plane with little place to stretch and praying hard his slipdisc problems do not surface). We did not even go for the Japan getaway that Mr Liow had been talking about since we knew we would have 2 years in AZ. He wanted to stay longer in Japan when it's time to return to Singapore since SQ transits at Narita airport. But he did not get to do that, because we had to settle the furkids.

Mr Liow did not complain, and I silently appreciate all that he had been putting up with. He'll do as much for us as I need him to. Do I want to push him to a point where he has to sleep in the kitchen for Baileys and Maen, or even AN or ER? He's my hubby. If I have to give even the children up for him, I will.

Have I not tried? Even up till this point, I still am trying. Have I not gotten help? My part time domestic helper gave up on us coz she hates the "dog fur everywhere". But seriously, she wasn't of much help coz the pee stains and fur come back immediately after the floor gets cleaned. She just does SOME work for me.

Everyone has to sacrifice something for another. B used to be my baby, then Maen came, then AN came. When one younger than the other, one needy-er, joins the family, the others have to sacrifice and bear with less attention. The one whom I love most was the one I sacrificed most. Mr Liow had many plans since we got married but I suggested shelving them till later (which then never happened) since we had the furkids.

I could handle 2 dogs and a baby. Never would I have expected myself not to be able to handle a preschooler, 2 dogs and a baby. Really, I never expected things to be this different.

By order of sequence, my kids should go first because they were the ones who disrupted my life. Read this again, will any mum do this to their children, to consider giving them up instead of the dogs (for calling BM dogs, I can expect more one-liner hypocritism)? Tell me if any of your mums did this to you.

Maintaining a public journal is as good as putting myself and my family under the scrutiny of many people who do not know me, and those I do not know.

I have kept journals for as long as I can write. I wonder how many people get judged for their thoughts.

Many bloggers frankly proclaim that they will only write happy posts. Just so happen that silly me write everything I feel, good and bad, happy and sad thoughts. Is that my blindspot, that I'm emotionally unstable? Because I didn't know other humans never had negative periods. Or do I share more than my readers can take?

I do know that I AM extremely susceptible to emotional breakdowns, more so as a mum now. One way of preventing it from turning mental, is to write. I keep writing. I had been keeping journals since I learnt to write. That would be since my primary school days when all I knew was simple English.

I am not apt at expressing myself verbally. And I do not want to burden friends with too much sob stories when they ask a simple question of : "Hey! How are things?"

From here, they read, they know. And of course, along with sob stories, things that cheer me up. Things that make or break me. Things that I am made up of.

But I will no longer write for people who are not truly interested to know what's happening in my life, how I age and my thought patterns as I move on in years, through different parts of my life. And I will not write for people who have somewhat, expected something about me that have only served to disappoint. Because I and you, we're different.

Leave me your email in my comment box if you can accept that I will not meet your expectations and I will do something so you can still follow me on my journey. My life journal will continue elsewhere in blogger, this time more private.

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Headache

Mr Liow fell sick since Fri and is currently nursing the cough and mild runny nose. Hope he gets well soon, before our drive into M'sia.

I had itchy nose last evening and nose was blocked last night. Woke up with runny nose this morning. No cough, thank God.

But my head's throbbing. Am feeling worse as time passes. Been drinking as much water as I can. Praying that I'll be well by tomorrow. Duno how else I can take care of ER if I'm bedridden. Thank God too, that he's still not mobile else it'll be even worse. And he's not taking semi-solids yet, so I do not have to cook and feed him.

Am going to sleep the headache away now.

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Chaos

Mr Liow's uncle was hospitalised yesterday so we went out to visit him. Before we actually drove off, AN needed to pee, so MIL took her upstairs to pee.

Guess what? It had been just 10 mins after we left home and BM somehow managed to pull something off the dining table. They ate AN's snacks and the WHOLE FLOOR WAS STICKY!

Seeing that MIL and AN hadn't come down after nearly 20mins, Mr Liow went upstairs to check. mIL had been moping the floor and picking up pieces of torn packaging and food...

We went out this morning for lunch and when we came back, my diaper bag was ransacked again. Everything was scattered all over the floor! They tore up my new packs of wipes and now my nursing cover has fur all over. And my diaper bag, and all of ER's newly washed towels and bibs.....newly washed...

I'm tired...

What is wrong with them...........it's very very very draining.extremely draining. Can't we even have an hour of lunch without using to worry about how messy the house will be?? If not pee stains, it's fur. We just got rid of fur and they now turn into bandits.

We just came home from dinner. Maen was on our dining table when we got home. How on earth did she get up there???

AN had Coco crunch that she couldn't finish and we left it covered on the dining table. Needless to say, Maen finished every bit.

We had already pushed EVERY food items as far in on the dining table as possible and stacked containers over each other so that they are out of Baileys' reach. They couldn't get the food, they played with my diaper bag. Hours later, Maen got onto dining table and ate up coco crunch. Great. How much coco crunch will it take to kill a 6kg dog?

Thanks for SPCA's number. Sorry to disappoint whoever-you-are because if it's within my control, they will never end up there. But still, thanks for going the extra mile to get me this number. You have been the greatest evil this far.

To: Trolls

Ever since I no longer write "I-will-love-you-till-I-die" posts about B & M, my chatbox no longer flood messages like "oh they are so cute!". Not as if I hv time to worry over this now.

This is reality. Things have changed. The world turns everyday. Geez...

Now I am a dog abusive person.

Hi Trolls, please understand that nothing you write is going to change any situation. Your words do not give me extra time for them.

And after 4 months of not bathing, all that happened to them was that they stank. They are shaved down again and skin healthier than before I last bathed them. They do not sleep among their dung, drink their pee nor get the boot so they fly out of the window. But I do make them sleep without aircon, on their own bed. In the living room. And they drink and eat from their respective bowls. SORRY IF THIS MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE.

We are still on a lookout for families who will be able to care for them, precisely because they are neglected. Like I've mentioned many times, all they get now is basic daily needs like food and water. Don't you read? Or only in between the lines?

Pathetic.

Pathetic are dog owners, quick to judge, quick to condemn.

Pathetic.

5 months later

Today is 7 days into ER's 5th month. Let me just note his progress:

By now, he's able to see (I think. No more cross-eyes or losing focus), grab what he wants, and he reaches out to touch instead of grab. He can also flip but doesn't do it much.

Just a of couple days before he turned 5months, he succeeded in directing his toes into his mouth. He's doing it very often now. He must be excited at this new discovery: that he has more than fingers to chew on now. And he so adorably smile at whoever is looking at him while he savours his toe.

As for me, it slipped my mind to track my own weight loss. And when I did one day last week, I was 45.4kg! But at some point few days later, I was 46.8kg.

It's ok, coz even before I expected ER, my weight could range from 44-46kg all in one day. I was told it curious be that I "retain water", thus the drastic weight fluctuations in just one day, almost DAILY.

So, I think I've gone back to pre-Ethan weight. Yeah! Pre-Ethan size is next target. If I can just go back to pre-Adrielle weight, that will be ideal. I dare not be greedy though. I've read of once-nursing mums who kept putting on weight after the kid has been weaned off breast. I'll just stay with what I have now.

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