I love my baby

It still affects me each time I remember those words I read about how terrible the disciplinary method we are using is. Under normal circumstances, I'd probably be angry for that day but not cry over it that much.

Blame it on my pregnancy hormones (conveniently) but since then, each time AN acts up now, those words come back and I would question my next move: to correct her or give in. The evil me will say: "Give in! And then when she starts behaving like that all the time in front of those people, just tell them that is the result of being too lenient and wasn't that what they were expecting??"

And yes, I turned away from AN to cry in exasperation instead of correcting her. That's how powerful simple words can be, even if they appear harmless to everyone else. Powerfully discouraging, even though my first reaction when I saw them was firmly insist that I am not going to care what others say.

After praying against these negative thoughts, I went online again to search for help on 3 year old behaviours and found AN to be going through a normal phase that will pass with age and correction. And I found this:

http://lavistachurchofchrist.org/LVanswers/2004/2004-05-06.htm

Yes, the bible did talk about discipline! And the many verses. I am responsible for AN's upbringing. Was that not why I stayed home full time? She is my ministry, my work and responsibility. If I were to give up just because some people spoke without senses, my work will not be complete.

I have to be firm and strongly trust that through prayer, I can continue with the work our Lord has has blessed me with (Phillipians 4:6-7)

I've been requested not to post some thoughts but it bothers me, very much.

Without revealing too much, I'm just going to voice out what a SAHM feels.

The last thing a SAHM needs, is criticism for her teaching methods, especially from people who have not lived with the family long enough, and does not even understand the child enough to know what the child likes to eat besides vege and mushroom.

Once upon a time, there was a mum who gave up her job to take care of her 2 children. And there was a mum who continued working and left her children to grow up without parental care. There are families who operate the way best suitable for their lifestyle. No one has the rights to tell the other family how wrong they are to be doing this and that. No rights at all. U are just an outsider when it comes to internal affairs, family or not.

A SAHM has to bear with the kids nonsense day in and out, right from the beginning of the day, till the child goes to sleep. The child goes through different periods of sleeping patterns and on some days, the child simply has too much energy to be tucked in, whether the parents are tired or not.

On some days when nothing seems to go the way the child wants, the child acts up and gets punished, be that a simple verbal warning, many reminders or time out. Not all situation calls for the same sort of punishment. And we are trying out what we can do at different times of the day, at different stages of life, targetted at different sorts of bad behaviour. Every course of action is personalized.

And then a SAHM has to worry about the child's education when the time comes, without having to relax on checking back constantly on the child's social and moral behaviour as well.

For all the hard work and sleepless nights put in, for all the researching from nutrition, to behaviour and punishment, from spending quality time with the child, to teaching the child to read and write, for every single thing a SAHM mum does for the good of her child, all the thanks she got was criticism and more criticism.

Our reward for staying home does not come in the form of good apraisal (in this case, it's plain shitty appraisal..I must be damn damn lousy, really!!). No bonus, no positive affirmation or encouragements. People prowl around to catch you at the slightest thing they disagree with.

I probably should consider working full time and blame someone else for my daughter's behaviours that are not acceptable, even if majority of the 3 year olds are going through this same phase as my child is. Isn't that so much easier? Push blame, point fingers. My child, I have the right to blame whoever is not up to my standard in teaching her to behave. Who else has the rights to judge me and tell me that I am torturing my child with time out and that what I'm doing is ineffective when they do not even realise what the punishment is for and when the behaviour is already corrected the way we did it?

Who are you who have never once been of any help in bringing my child up, judge the effectiveness of every single method I hv tried on my child? How many methods have you seen me use on her? How many methods of discipline have you used on kids you have brought up?

And I do not even use the cane on my daughter, yet people look at us in disgust, claiming that what we are doing is abusive and wrong.

Tell me, what is right? Tell me, what is right that works for EVERY SINGLE CHILD?

AN, lawyer in the making

AN can be real sly. She had milk right after we got home, couldn't finish her bread with peanut spread coz she 'had enough' according to her, so we tried to tuck her in earliest possible. She asked for milk soon after and I told her no. She just had half a cup less than an hr before and couldn't even finish her bread. She then changed topic and we started talking about something else.

After a while, she asked if her little brother needed to drink "mem mem". I told her yes because little babies do not have teeth to eat with, so they can only drink. She then asked if she could feed her little brother milk. I said yes, if mummy does not have enough for him. She asked if he could drink her formula milk, I said not till he turns one year old coz that was for big children. And then she asked if she could drink her that, to which I said yes. She then started pleading: "can I drink my milk, please please please?"

It took me a while to realise she was asking for milk again, in a different way. And to think I was tricked by her into saying yes!! My little trickster!

She insisted I said she could have her milk when I said yes, which was only because I meant she could have that formula because she passed her first birthday.

Well, at least she tried tricking me and almost succeeded in coaxing me out of the bed to make more milk for her. I would if I wasn't that tired.

Cheeky baby.

A day out with AN

Met PJ and Cailyn yesterday in the afternoon for lunch but we all ended up having only dessert. Both kiddos were not hungry then, and neither were we. Had a very short chat and then we proceeded to Toys'R'Us so that the kids can play and I thought we would have more time to chat but AN had to have me follow her around and when both girls started catching 'scents' of different category of toys, we got separated for a while.

I had to settle my HPS issue by yesterday coz I've a wedding lunch today and CPF will have closed by the time we are done. Thank God CPF and SINGPOST are within walking distance at Tampines. PJ and C kept us company while we waited to enquire about my situation but once at Singpost, I thought it would be better they carry on with the rest of the day without us because the line at Singpost was SUPER long. It's probably normal for the line to be this long but I hardly had to be there to find out. Given a choice, I rather pay at the machines!!! Lesser waiting time...

AN kept herself entertained by singing her own songs (existing songs with her own lyrics). Is embarrassing coz she was quite loud in a fairly quiet environment but I can't possibly ask her to be quiet coz she was not being naughty. I let her be, and she caught the attention of a lady in the line. Hehe. That lady kept looking back and giggling from the front and at some point where we 'met' at a curve, she started talking to AN.

After an hour of waiting (thereabout), it was finally out turn. I almost freaked out when AN told me she needed to pee just as I was the first in line, finally!! She insisted she was urgent and when I turned to look at the number of people after us, I prayed hard she will not pee in her pants and decided to continue waiting.

She managed to keep her pee till we finished the transaction. Thank God her urge came at the last minute else we really would have to leave the line for her to go potty..Phew.

AN got hungry and asked for noodles right after we went back to CPF to present the receipt. One more issue down, and I am now left with Renewal of my IC. We went to the foodcourts again and I got beehoon to share with her. She was hungry and tried to eat but bring very tired as well, she actually dozed off while eating!! Poor baby. I carried her lying down and continued to finish the remaining (almost full bowl of food) on my own. It's one of the rare times I dine out alone. Never enjoyed eating without company outside home.

Called Mr Liow to see if he would be getting off work anytime then coz I had to carry AN and 2 bags. Quite a feat considering my poor back conditions these days. If he wasn't able to, I'd take a cab home.

He said he'd try, so I waited. There wasn't any seats within sight that I could rest on while waiting!! And I was too tired to move around looking for seats, so I stood outside TM waiting for about 30mins, till we both started to perspire. I then went into TM to wait. Didn't know why I was so silly to be waiting outside when it was much cooler inside

-_________-"

I noticed some empty seats at Mc.Donald's that some people had also been sitting on, without having to be a patron. I grabbed the next available seat ! It was sooooo comfy to have a place to rest my butt and aching limbs and shoulder. AN was still fast asleep!

We waited for Mr Liow and it didn't matter how long more he would take coz having a place to sit and put the bags down was enough to make me happy. He arrived soon after, we had dinner and then met PJ and C up again for bubble tea.

We finally got to sit down for a chat before PJ had to rush off to fetch Torres. C is a very smiley girl, so sweet! She's less shy compared to the first time we met a month ago but at this age, I think many girls are still not ready with strangers rightaway. AN wanted to hold C's hands as they walked earlier and C wasn't ready to. And at the end of the day when C wanted to give AN a goodbye hug, AN turned her down. By the time we left, C was tired. Glad she had dinner so she wouldn't feel hungry later on.

AN didn't have much herself, only that few scoops of noodles before she dozed off and a few more scoops of more noodles after we met Mr Liow up, and oh, LOTS of ice while we were catching up over tea! She kept going: "Mummy look! Small piece of ice!" and then popped them one after another into her mouth each time I nodded my head. She knew I was too distracted to limit her. Hmm.

It is to be a long day today starting early. Going to be fun! YH is back and will be back for a short while before he goes back to Utah. Hoping to see him today after ministry meeting, after church wedding. Hehe.

Ah Gu loves AN

Mum found a pack of bird's nest on the table and we think it was my brother who brought it home. She called him and realised he bought it, and she told him off

-_______-"

She thinks he should have asked her to get it for him if he wanted to get because he is not familiar with bird's nest and when she heard he paid slightly over a hundred for that amount of supposedly top of the line bird's nest, she got even more upset, believing that he got conned. Those should easily have cost more than $300.

After they hung up, I couldn't help reminding me mum that it's always good to be thankful. I can understand how she feels upset he might have gotten conned (which may not even be the case). But it's just not right to call someone up to tell them off for 'wasting money' on 'unmatched quality products' or saying 'you don't know how to get the right stuff'. His intention was good in the first place. Poor Andy.

I felt even worse when mum said bro got it for AN. He really dotes on the little girl. He came back with treats for her, toys and now even bird's nest. I've never imagined my brother would splurge on my little girl at all and I'm touched.

Anyway, told mum that it might sound less hurtful if she told him to let her know the next time he wants to get herbs or more bird's nest or anything he's not familiar with. Beats putting him off by saying he wasted his money on something lousy. Sounds so mean...

Moreover, even if my bro did spend over $300 on the bird's nest, he wouldn't have told her the truth. She would probably get even mote upset coz he 'wasted THAT much money on equally inferior products'. Sigh...

My brother loves AN. aww... That's so sweet.

Administrative Issues

Being away for 2 years means there are tonnes of administrative issues to be settled..

I am supposed to have my IC re-registered by Mar but still have not done so. Thank God I will be allowed to do so with just my passport to prove that I was out of the country during this period of time.

I asked for turn-on of utilities before we returned home and was supposed to submit the application form together with our IC to prove our ownership of our home but couldn't do so till we returned. By the time I remembered to have it done, it was way pass the deadline and we were given a letter of warning that they may turn the power supply off anytime soon. NO!!!! The contractor needs the power to continue with the reno!! Thank God once again that they were flexible and willing to put a note next to our account so that we had time to do something about it.

And then my HPS premium has also expired. This time, I got no flexibility of time to renew it. I was given till only this Saturday to do so, else I have to apply for new coverage. I was supposed to go all the way down to CPF building to get a form, and then make payments at Singnet -____-" There is no other easier way out, neither will CPF wait any longer for me to renew. Too bad, for me.

What else? I can't even remember till we receive another warning letter....Blame it on my bad pregnancy memory...sigh...

Missing Tucson

People had been asking us if we missed USA. I thought I did not (but I do miss the friends we made there.) I had been enjoying local food back home and been too busy with AN and the baby bump (that's been causing me constant backaches and breathing problems), plus some admin matters that I've yet to settle (get my new IC done, top up my HPS premium which us already expired etc..).

Now being sleepless, I'm starting to miss more than just people.

I missed bringing AN to Gymboree to meet her friends. I missed watching her climb, dance, sing, paint, tear, paste and make messes without a care. I missed driving her around and missed having a mix of routine including play and 'studies'.

I missed driving her to get food for BM, missed bringing BM to Lambert Park, missed driving AN to Isabelle's place where AN gets so much attention from Kimberly who loves her so much (Isabelle said Kim unbashfully proclaimed that her she cannot live without AN. So cute. Haha!).

I missed the occassional potluck gatherings, especially during cooler seasons. I missed being able to promise AN a swim if she behaves, miss watching her enjoying herself in the pool (she didn't even want to stay in the pool at SIL's plc 2 wks back).

I missed looking out of our patio to see people casually walking their dogs, missed bringing AN for strolls in the evenings when Mr Liow was on afternoon shifts. Missed AN waving at neighbours who waved back with a smile, missed the very spacious everything, the mountains, the cactuses, the moon that's almost always visible, the feeling of carefreeness that borders along the line of boredom sometimes (being busy with only AN and BM, and cooking).

I don't quite miss travelling or online shopping as much as I thought I will. I did enjoy doing these but think we had an overdose of both for 2 years. It's those things I missed about Tucson that one can probably never get sick of.

Here, AN attempts to wave at drivers who either never notice her waving, thinks she's not waving at them, or simply can't be bothered to wave back. Waving and smiling at strangers simply do not belong in our Singaporean culture. AN will often tell me:"Mummy, they never wave back." Someday, she will lose the urge to be friendly (wonder if it's good or bad). She's still shy when strangers approach her though. As long as there's a certain distance, AN is a friendly stranger. Hehe.

She misses her painting sessions at home. And since we came back, she's not been practising writing, not been cutting random magazines, not been drawing. We didn't have the tools (they are all in the boxes) and we didn't have the routine to do them anymore. I don't even know how we go through each day now, with AN not doing much.

I think I now know why AN's behaving the way she had sometimes: a bored kid is an upset kid. She starts to demand for things at the wrong time because she doesn't know what to expect next and has nothing to do...and when rejected, she gets upset of course. Back in Tucson, she knows where to find her stuff and knows what she's allowed to do what at stipulated times of the day.

I finally see the importance of a routine that those books keep talking about when it comes to disciplining children.

I really should start getting her into a routine of something again, real soon!