My imperfect Angel

Had been having issues with AN: her being painfully slow at eating, her eating too little, her decisions to do things I said she was not to do, her behaving angry (my fault. She learnt that from me). As of now, these are her worst behaviours.

But I do believe her when she tells me: "Mummy, I'm trying to be a good girl." When she tells me that, its usually as an apology for disobedience. I'm a cruel mummy though. I tell her I don't believe her (even tho I do) because she does the same naughty things after saying sorry. This makes her sad. I badly need self control to stop using such negative attitude and words with her.

I am thankful that those words have not taken effect in her yet. The more negative I am, the more she will not grow up being truly loved and loving. I badly need to give myself time out for being a worse offender...she makes mistakes coz she's still learning but I make mistakes that I AM AWARE I should not be making :( Someday, she will be convinced that my love for her comes with conditions and that is NOT true.

I'm put to shame when I see her silent efforts at "trying to be a good girl". She's increasingly frightened of monsters lately and stays very close to me during bedtime. But coz I need to nurse ER to sleep, I have my back to her most of the time, till she falls asleep.

She'll often plead: "Mummy, can you turn to me?" I'd tell her that I can only turn to her after ER falls asleep. So now, she'll ask: "Mummy, can you turn to me after he falls asleep?" I'll put my hand over her as she snuggles close. Still, by the time I turn to her, she will hv fallen asleep.

And since she hardly gets to hv me turn to her before she falls asleep, she's started asking that I pray for her now. So, we do that. I'm telling her the same thing each night, that our Lord Jesus is bigger than monsters and when we pray, the monsters run away. She didn't want to pray a while ago but after I told her if she doesn't speak to Jesus, he can't hear her, said her own prayers aloud while I prayed for her. I heard her thanking the Lord for everything she has! Sweet :)

She went quiet right after "amen". Must be really sleepy. I turned to her and guess what I saw? She placed her Hello Kitty stuffed toy right in front of her face, as if Hello Kitty is watching her sleep!

She's also started wearing my t-shirt to sleep and when Mr Liow asked her, she replied that she wanted to smell me. How to not love her?

At times like these, I feel soooo guilty. If only we didn't have ER, she'll not need to wait for me. She's been such a sweet sister to him, always willingly waiting for him to be pacified before she gets what she asks for.

I'm really really blessed.

For this new year, I want to be good. I want my actions to assure AN of my love more than words.

"Mummy go work, Daddy relax at home"

Mr Liow was joking with AN about something and causally made this statement which I happened to overhear.

And so I asked him to define 'relax'.

He smiled sheepishly and hurriedly tried to convince me that it was just a joke.

I know, but it's not very funny.

When he gets to watch TV, surf the net or play games on Wii while our infant hangs from my breast, am I relaxing? While he gets gets proper sleep at night and I get woken up by ER, am I relaxing? When his duties end by Fri evening and mine continues through the weekend, am I relaxing? When he has days of peaceful lunch (occasionally, coz he's mostly too bz to eat), I'll be at war with fussy-eating AN. Not relaxing at all. When there are things to do every second of the day, it's not relaxing.

Not many people see home-makers as workers, and I've had many people envious of my 'tai tai' status. Too many times, people tell me: "I wish I'm like you, don't have to work."

Maybe neatness at home, kids get fed, appointments get made and met, AN learning to read and write, laundry gets washed, bills get paid Etc., these all happened by magic!

I'm not upset though, and not complaining either. Sure, situations do get on my nerves many times but I am actually happier slogging my life away on my loved ones than an employer unrelated to me.

Although there are times I wish I can run away from kiddy tantrums (on bad days, the kids take turns to act up and those cries do make one feel depress), take a break from using my hands to using my brains more, dress up and go out without having to worry if the heavy diaper bag is properly re-loaded everytime, meet friends as and when I want, take leave to not do anything for one whole day, to just "relax", and "don't have to work", I will not trade my duties for anything.

I just wonder how it'll be like if "Mummy goes to work and Daddy relax at home."

P.s: MR Liow does try to help when he's at home. This post is not to say that he does nothing to help.

P.p.s: I love "relaxing" at home. This post is not to say I hate what I'm doing now.

Just wondering, why do people mistakenly comment that mums who stay at home do not need to work?

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We went 'part tor' (dating)

MIL made plans to take Mr Liow's nieces out for movies today and decided to take AN along too.

So, with only ER left, Mr Liow took me out on a date. Hehe.

We drove to Vivocity and took the tram into Sentosa, pushing the stroller and carrying ER.

It's Monday today! But Vivocity is as crowded as a weekend. The crowd going in and out of Sentosa was even larger..

Mr Liow regretted not driving in. oh well, we'll just take it as experiencing public transport into Sentosa today.

It's hard to see Universal Studio Singapore and not compare it to the ones in LA and Orlando...

Firstly, ER needed to nurse, so we went in search of a nursing room. Guess what, there is one, BUT its simply a small room with 4 walls, poor ventilation, loud (pop) music and no seats, no furnitures. It was a small empty room!

Having no other options (unless I want to nurse ER under the hot sun), I decided to nurse him in the prison-like room standing up.

For the benefit of those who wonder what's in a typical nursing room, there should at least be a chair to sit on. Everything else (like a mirror to make sure the mums are appropriately dressed before stepping out into the public, a place to put our belongings on, a hand sanitiser or basin to wash our hands before nursing) are bonuses. Oh, and ventilation. This nursing room has enough oxygen for a mum and her infant to stay alive for...maybe 15mins or so.

We walked around after ER was done. Hmm....there wasn't a Universal Studio store outside the theme park (Mr Liow said there is one inside). And the Universal Studio globe wasn't turning. Hmm... It's not fun at all..no music, no happy faces. It's more fun inside, according to Mr Liow. Hehe. Will have to pay it a visit someday!

From the outside, it totally didn't feel like the way leading to Universal.

We left Sentosa after the short walk, did some window shopping at Vivo, then MBS, had dinner, then to fetch AN. She enjoyed herself with the girls as usual. She's been asking to meet her cousins right after the wedding dinner last week.

ER is not exactly easier than AN at this infant stage. Mr Liow agrees too. Guess it's just us who are more experienced now, thus handling an infant is less traumatising.

All 3 of us enjoy ER. Yes, even AN. she'll come tell me excitedly whenever ER starts blabbering to her and she'll shriek: "he's so cute!"

Indeed, he is. AN used to be too (she still is, in a preschooler way). We were just too preoccupied learning the ropes to notice this the first time.

So, ya. We went on a date today and held hands after a long time (maybe not. We did hold hands at Genting when Andy took AN on rides and mum carried a sleeping ER so that we had some 30mins to 'part tor').

Let's see when we'll get to go on another date. Hehe.

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Back and Busy

The trip was good! It was really not an anniversary trip with kids but we enjoyed ourselves nonetheless.

More about the trip in a later post.

We got home in the evening and the moment we stepped out of the lift just outside our home, it didn't smell like good news. We caught scent of Baileys and Maen's faecal mess, when they do make a mess (usually when they have no more space on the paper to pee or poo on coz no one's home to change new papers for them)...MIL had just finished clearing up and mopping the floor clean minutes before we reached home. That explains the odour.

We will need another session of moping tomorrow coz there had been poo all over the tiles outside the toilet and they probably stepped on poop and then all over the house. It takes experience to know exactly how and where to mop when accidents like these happen. And we have to dust the house tomorrow to receive our ministry for Christmas celebration in the evening.

Had just folded clothes I hung up to dry before we left home on Monday, finished with washing the 4th batch of dirty laundry and drying some of the first batch of washed clothes in dryer. Toooo much dirty laundry to do, too little time to wait for them to dry! Its costly to use the dryer but at times like these, the dryer is a life saver!

Domestic matters like these turn me off holidays. Its basically pushing work off and then rushing to complete them in the shortest time possible. How do working mums with no helpers survive after a holiday??

Our dining table is in a huge mess...I'm so tempted to go do some packing up but I'll only be disturbing MIL if I do..

Thank God MIL came to help with BM else ....

Frankly, I truly enjoyed holidays when it was just Mr Liow and I in the past. No furkids, no human kids, no worries...

But then again, when we see how happy AN was at the theme park, that's enjoyment too.

I'm learning to be less particular about housework and mess now. It's seriously not easy...just the thought that the home is not clean enough is already causing me insomnia..

Better sleep now though. The baby will be waking up any minute and I need to conserve some energy for housework part 2 tomorrow.

Good night (or rather, Good morning) to all!

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Tomorrow Genting

Doubt there'll be wifi tomorrow in Genting, so I won't be able to update.

BM will not be boarded this time. MIL is willing to come keep them company. Thankful for that! If given a choice (our parents never would have agreed to help us look after BM in the past. Duno y.), we'd rather not have to board them at all. Everything at home is familiar and truth is, home is still sweetest.

Will leave home early tomorrow. Hope I didn't forget to pack anything important!

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Blessed 6TH to US!

This past weekend had been a busy one.

We should rightfully be having a nice getaway and would have if we do not have the kids in tow, yet. With only 1 in 2007, we still managed to spend our then 3rd year anniversary in Sentosa.

Lots of things are different with a 2nd child now. Maybe coz he's still young? I'm not sure how it's going to improve or if it will when he's older.

So, our 6th anniversary this year (which also happens to be MIL's birthday) was spent, doing grocery shopping for dishwashing detergent and diapers after Mr Liow got his car checked, and before meeting his family to celebrate his mum's b'day together.

And day 2 of our anniversary was busy too. Everyone woke up early for MIL's baptism and right after that, she had to attend the tea ceremony of a relative. Mr Liow drove her there, got us lunch and by the time we were ready for a nap, it was past 4pm.

AN needed this nap coz there was also a wedding dinner. She would not have been able to remain sane without a nap for this long day.

She had only less than an hour's nap, but better than none. We started rushing again the moment she was awake: change her, do my makeup and MIL's, change ER, inventory check the baby bag for necessities etc etc. And then we rushed to the ballroom. Rush, and rush!

It's finally over, our 6th anniversary and this weekend.

Mr Liow had something else planned for, in lieu of this year's anniversary that we had no time for this weekend: it's a trip to Genting from Tues to Thurs!

My mum and Andy will be joining us. I'm looking forward to it.

Dear, thanks for planning this getaway. Happy Anniversary to us. I'm blessed with having you in my life, blessed that I've spent half (almost) of my life with you in it. It's the little things in life that make our marriage whole, and it's these same things that happen which sometimes make me wonder why its so hard for 2 people to live together, even after knowing each other this well.

There are couples who go their separate ways because familiarity breeds contempt. I'm thankful familiarity makes me fall in love with you again.

I pray for many more years and as usual, I will not live longer than you will because I won't be able to go through a single day of my life knowing that you will not be part of it anymore.

Yes, I'm more selfish than those who will choose, if they could, to live longer lives than their other half so that their loved ones need not suffer pain of loss. I don't have that sort of courage.

So, please take good care of yourself ok?

Love you dip dip.

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Yucky cockroaches!

Mum and I had been noticing cockroaches for the past weeks. The first time mum saw one, she wasn't sure if it was a baby cockroach or tick (she's never seen a tick).

The next time she saw it, she wrapped its dead body in a tissue for my inspection. Thank God it was a tiny infant cockroach. There will be one, just ONE crawling from under dining table/chairs each day. mr Liow flipped the chairs over but FOUND nothing though.

This morning, we woke up earlier than usual. It's my MIL's baptism today. But then either B or M peed in the kitchen and the pee flowed along the grouts. The big puddle of pee actually flowed all over the kitchen and under the crates. The sight of that,mess almost made me go crazy...

To clean under the crates, we have to push them aside right? Guess what? When Mr Liow pushed the crates aside, at least 30 tiny cockroaches scrambled out! Arghh! There was pee and cockroaches! Terrible combination...

He wiped every cockroach he could see and every piece of paper towel he used were soaked in pee too.. Ultimate disgusting..

Had wanted to pass to Mark to donate to shelter but just nice Jean's gg to Dallas in May next year so we can pass to her Who knows, the crates were in such a disgusting state...

Nw that the crates are dumped, I hope we won't be finding any more baby cockroaches..

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