Finally found time to blog, while sitting at the toilet bowl (again?). Have learnt to multi-task as such.
Let me see...I shall post some of the more memorable events of the past week.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Incident 1
Everyday is the same, except that I get busier with an increasingly mobile baby who's also getting smarter. She's able to open cabinet doors we've managed to keep closed till few weeks back (with heavy duty rubber bands fastening those door knobs), climb in and out of her playpen (without falling as of now)...basically she's everywhere and at times, where she shouldn't be.
There was a day she went to play with Baileys' lau sai (and with no change to his diet whatsoever, I have no idea why he lau sai that day...).
I heard her whine a little and saw her running towards me frowning. She smell VERY much like lau sai when I hugged her and I saw her smack her lips in disgust. At that very split moment, the only thing that came to mind was "did AN eat sai?? Lau Sai at that!". I was already worried about the lau sai, wondering if he had worms in his system or something (can't be tho...he's on heartworm prevention that also prevents worms...*pulls hair*)
There were traces of poop being dragged on the floor. Either Baileys stepped on it accidentally while leaving the toilet, or AN went to dig her finger into the sai and drew on the floor with it.
Her finger showed no sign of poop BUT it stinked REAL BAD.
I washed her all over and prayed hard that she won't start throwing up or convulse, or ... just not to fall sick *crossed fingers*. Mr Liow assured me that she probably didn't eat it. I checked both BM and all 8 paws were purrfectly white, so it couldn't have been any of them who messed the poop up. AN is the only culprit left.
Thank God it's been a week or two and she's still alive and well *phew*. So is Baileys. hehe.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Incident 2
I think I'm going crazy.
AN has this habit of sweeping my hands away while I feed her. With training, I've gotten better at avoiding her sweeping hand but there had been countless time when I wasn't paying attention and she managed to sweep the bowl of soupy food onto the carpet. Most times a spoonful of food and other times, the WHOLE BOWL AND ITS CONTENTS!
Once, twice, three times...soon it was almost every other day that I had to do serious cleaning up coz wet food landed on the carpet.
It happened again last Friday and it was almost as if I was overpowered by anger, I picked her up and threw her onto the sofa.
:(
She was watching Little Einstein while she did that and even when I threw her onto the sofa, she was still humming and waving her hands to the music.
At that moment I felt my heart aching... : ( I was like one of those nasty nannies caught on tapes for abusing kids under their care. I was doing that to my own child?
After feeling the pain, I felt angry again (for whatever reasons..that's why I feel like I'm going crazy..). I had to clear up te HUGE mess and she decided to get off the sofa to step around it.
I threw her back onto the sofa again. This time I think I scared her and she started to cry but in a matter of seconds, she was attracted by the Little Einstein program again and forgot about the commotion.
Took me a long time to pick up the porridge, piece by piece (I swear there were thousands of pieces of mushy porridge bits all over the floor), and there was soup on the carpet which I had to dry.
AN made several attempts to get off the sofa but I shouted at her to stay up there. I believe I really frightened her coz she started to cry. At least it sounded to me like she was frightened.
There were mixed emotion in me. Both that of extreme anger, and pain that I literally 'threw' her away. Even as I think of that now, I felt terrible...
Please keep me in prayers. I can't do it on my own..I really can't. Everyday is a test of patience. When communication breaks down (she understands what I want from her more than I understand her), she gets frustrated and cries (too many times a day for my comfort. It gets really nerve-wrecking, seriously nerve-wrecking).
Screams, cries, demands, tanthrums, mess to clear, stuff to pack, food to cook only to get rejected by baby, finally a moment of nap BUT she wakes up at the slightest sound and is even crankier than before she fell asleep.....these stuff take turns to happen every minute of the day. I'm already running on backup patience, and running low on it..
Please pray for me.
I know I still love her tho and I am never going to let anything similar happen again. I don't want her to grow up scarred...I am fearful.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'Incident' 3
This is a good one tho.
Mr Liow woke up earlier at 9am on Saturday to help me settle Baileys and Maen (who wake up early at 7am each day to scratch on their baby gate to be let out).
Oh, I forgot to mention that their scratching adds on to my touchy temper lately.
It was a good rest for me on that day after their scratching ceased.
He tried to help around the kitchen by keeping extra utensils that were left to dry on the rack overnight.
I woke up to a neat kitchen that morning.
My day for once since a long time ago, started on a positive note.
That helped fuel me for a positive relationship with AN too.
He's also been helping me put groceries away after we return home with them, and helping me bring AN away so that I have that few minutes of personal time (TO PANG SAI! Or just to stare into space for a while)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'Incident' 4
This is also a good 'incident'.
I met up with one of Mr Liow's colleague's wife, Joey on Saturday. The family will be leaving for Singapore 1st wk of December and she needed help with cosmetics, mainly MAC.
So, Mr Liow took care of AN while I was gone. In fact he took her out for the few hours, to the bank, and to Foothill Mall to shop around a little. She was asleep throughout the whole 'outing'!
I went out with Joey last week, bringing AN and AN was so troublesome Joey finally understood why I suggested we meet to go out during weekends, so that I could shop in peace with her without AN as a distraction.
We had a good time shopping and swatching colours.
And coz the weather had just turned really nice, we had coffee in an outdoor cafe, and had a really good chat.
She's a prayerful woman, which I realised after talking to her. She's also gone through what I am going through now, with AN. I told her what I did to AN that day and she confessed that there were also days when she had a little too much of her boy's nonsense and succumbed to crazy methods of dealing with her boy. She regretted to too heavy a punishment she metted out on him many times. I am glad she empathised with me.
And I realised she loves boots too!
Oh my, the more we chatted, the more we realised we had so much in common!
It's really a pity we did not get to know each other better much earlier (I 1st met her in..June? We did not really talk much then.)
That was a really nice break from AN, and it was really nice to find a friend with common interest, and most importantly, another prayer partner.
I thank God for a friend in her, and it's amazing how friendship can develope over a cup of coffee, and cosmetics. hehe.
She shared that for the 1.5yrs that she had been here, she found noone who would be interested in fashion, makeup, cosmetics and such. The ladies here would mostly be more concerned about which childcare centre to bring their kids to, which PD (baby doctor) is nice, which shopping venue is having sales etc etc.
She wanted to know more about makeup and when time drew near for her to start buying things to bring back to Singapore, she wished she could have a little help with products.
She shared that she was so surprised our 1st casual introduction led to THE topic of makeup, and thankful that our friendship has developed thus far, that soon. It was like the Lord did not ignore this seemingly insignificant wish she had.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So, yup. This had been another fruitful weekend for me. Another one that I can be thankful about.
I've seen what havoc anger can create when I lost myself (and how I've hurt my little girl) and committed this senseless act to the Lord, I see the effort Mr Liow put in to help me off load a little, and I found a praying buddy at this part of the earth.
I am thankful.
Let me see...I shall post some of the more memorable events of the past week.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Incident 1
Everyday is the same, except that I get busier with an increasingly mobile baby who's also getting smarter. She's able to open cabinet doors we've managed to keep closed till few weeks back (with heavy duty rubber bands fastening those door knobs), climb in and out of her playpen (without falling as of now)...basically she's everywhere and at times, where she shouldn't be.
There was a day she went to play with Baileys' lau sai (and with no change to his diet whatsoever, I have no idea why he lau sai that day...).
I heard her whine a little and saw her running towards me frowning. She smell VERY much like lau sai when I hugged her and I saw her smack her lips in disgust. At that very split moment, the only thing that came to mind was "did AN eat sai?? Lau Sai at that!". I was already worried about the lau sai, wondering if he had worms in his system or something (can't be tho...he's on heartworm prevention that also prevents worms...*pulls hair*)
There were traces of poop being dragged on the floor. Either Baileys stepped on it accidentally while leaving the toilet, or AN went to dig her finger into the sai and drew on the floor with it.
Her finger showed no sign of poop BUT it stinked REAL BAD.
I washed her all over and prayed hard that she won't start throwing up or convulse, or ... just not to fall sick *crossed fingers*. Mr Liow assured me that she probably didn't eat it. I checked both BM and all 8 paws were purrfectly white, so it couldn't have been any of them who messed the poop up. AN is the only culprit left.
Thank God it's been a week or two and she's still alive and well *phew*. So is Baileys. hehe.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Incident 2
I think I'm going crazy.
AN has this habit of sweeping my hands away while I feed her. With training, I've gotten better at avoiding her sweeping hand but there had been countless time when I wasn't paying attention and she managed to sweep the bowl of soupy food onto the carpet. Most times a spoonful of food and other times, the WHOLE BOWL AND ITS CONTENTS!
Once, twice, three times...soon it was almost every other day that I had to do serious cleaning up coz wet food landed on the carpet.
It happened again last Friday and it was almost as if I was overpowered by anger, I picked her up and threw her onto the sofa.
:(
She was watching Little Einstein while she did that and even when I threw her onto the sofa, she was still humming and waving her hands to the music.
At that moment I felt my heart aching... : ( I was like one of those nasty nannies caught on tapes for abusing kids under their care. I was doing that to my own child?
After feeling the pain, I felt angry again (for whatever reasons..that's why I feel like I'm going crazy..). I had to clear up te HUGE mess and she decided to get off the sofa to step around it.
I threw her back onto the sofa again. This time I think I scared her and she started to cry but in a matter of seconds, she was attracted by the Little Einstein program again and forgot about the commotion.
Took me a long time to pick up the porridge, piece by piece (I swear there were thousands of pieces of mushy porridge bits all over the floor), and there was soup on the carpet which I had to dry.
AN made several attempts to get off the sofa but I shouted at her to stay up there. I believe I really frightened her coz she started to cry. At least it sounded to me like she was frightened.
There were mixed emotion in me. Both that of extreme anger, and pain that I literally 'threw' her away. Even as I think of that now, I felt terrible...
Please keep me in prayers. I can't do it on my own..I really can't. Everyday is a test of patience. When communication breaks down (she understands what I want from her more than I understand her), she gets frustrated and cries (too many times a day for my comfort. It gets really nerve-wrecking, seriously nerve-wrecking).
Screams, cries, demands, tanthrums, mess to clear, stuff to pack, food to cook only to get rejected by baby, finally a moment of nap BUT she wakes up at the slightest sound and is even crankier than before she fell asleep.....these stuff take turns to happen every minute of the day. I'm already running on backup patience, and running low on it..
Please pray for me.
I know I still love her tho and I am never going to let anything similar happen again. I don't want her to grow up scarred...I am fearful.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'Incident' 3
This is a good one tho.
Mr Liow woke up earlier at 9am on Saturday to help me settle Baileys and Maen (who wake up early at 7am each day to scratch on their baby gate to be let out).
Oh, I forgot to mention that their scratching adds on to my touchy temper lately.
It was a good rest for me on that day after their scratching ceased.
He tried to help around the kitchen by keeping extra utensils that were left to dry on the rack overnight.
I woke up to a neat kitchen that morning.
My day for once since a long time ago, started on a positive note.
That helped fuel me for a positive relationship with AN too.
He's also been helping me put groceries away after we return home with them, and helping me bring AN away so that I have that few minutes of personal time (TO PANG SAI! Or just to stare into space for a while)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'Incident' 4
This is also a good 'incident'.
I met up with one of Mr Liow's colleague's wife, Joey on Saturday. The family will be leaving for Singapore 1st wk of December and she needed help with cosmetics, mainly MAC.
So, Mr Liow took care of AN while I was gone. In fact he took her out for the few hours, to the bank, and to Foothill Mall to shop around a little. She was asleep throughout the whole 'outing'!
I went out with Joey last week, bringing AN and AN was so troublesome Joey finally understood why I suggested we meet to go out during weekends, so that I could shop in peace with her without AN as a distraction.
We had a good time shopping and swatching colours.
And coz the weather had just turned really nice, we had coffee in an outdoor cafe, and had a really good chat.
She's a prayerful woman, which I realised after talking to her. She's also gone through what I am going through now, with AN. I told her what I did to AN that day and she confessed that there were also days when she had a little too much of her boy's nonsense and succumbed to crazy methods of dealing with her boy. She regretted to too heavy a punishment she metted out on him many times. I am glad she empathised with me.
And I realised she loves boots too!
Oh my, the more we chatted, the more we realised we had so much in common!
It's really a pity we did not get to know each other better much earlier (I 1st met her in..June? We did not really talk much then.)
That was a really nice break from AN, and it was really nice to find a friend with common interest, and most importantly, another prayer partner.
I thank God for a friend in her, and it's amazing how friendship can develope over a cup of coffee, and cosmetics. hehe.
She shared that for the 1.5yrs that she had been here, she found noone who would be interested in fashion, makeup, cosmetics and such. The ladies here would mostly be more concerned about which childcare centre to bring their kids to, which PD (baby doctor) is nice, which shopping venue is having sales etc etc.
She wanted to know more about makeup and when time drew near for her to start buying things to bring back to Singapore, she wished she could have a little help with products.
She shared that she was so surprised our 1st casual introduction led to THE topic of makeup, and thankful that our friendship has developed thus far, that soon. It was like the Lord did not ignore this seemingly insignificant wish she had.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So, yup. This had been another fruitful weekend for me. Another one that I can be thankful about.
I've seen what havoc anger can create when I lost myself (and how I've hurt my little girl) and committed this senseless act to the Lord, I see the effort Mr Liow put in to help me off load a little, and I found a praying buddy at this part of the earth.
I am thankful.
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