Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Recovering Trio

AN had no fever, no vomiting, no diarrhoea today. Thank God! She had random episodes of coughs but was otherwise well.

ER was ok too. Like AN, he coughed on and off but it didn't appear too bad. He's much more manageable today. Thank God for that too.

As for Mr Liow, I'd like to believe that he's also recovered but I seem to find him walking weird again. Everytime his slipdisc acts up, he walks slanted to his right. This time he told me it was just inflammation of something at his lower back but he's not walking normally. He can lie about anything but not this coz his posture gives him away.. still, he is more mobile this time than the others, although movements are much slower.

One more day for him to rest, 2 more days to work and he'll be flying off to States on Saturday. Technically speaking, he'll be leaving home for the airport at 11pm Friday night...

I wonder if that SQ plane is using Rolls Royce engines.....I have only one hubby. I need him to return in a full piece.

Please pray with us that he will be comfortable during the near 30hrs flight/transit and for journey mercy. Pray that his purpose there will be met, that his meeting up with those reps from other countries will be fruitful.

Its winter now... How nice...how I miss winter. AN had to rub it in by agreeing: "I don't like Singapore. Singapore always hot and always wet."

Last year this time...we were looking forward to Las Vegas and Pinetop...

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Discontinuing Nature's Variety Instinct


They have grown accustomed to this kibbles and then now we are told distributor won't be bringing this in coz prices will be going up in the States and will affect prices here.
I actually believe most owners will pay the difference if their dogs are doing fine on their current diet, no? Beats having to change and risk food allergy and what nots, isn't it?

If only I hv time to cook for them...we won't hv to worry about changing kibbles...

What now? I'm looking at Canida grainless, or Addiction, or Honest Kitchen? Or back to Azmira again? Sigh...better switch while I still hv food to transit them...

Why discontinue??

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Bad things come as a package

ThwMr Liow is better now by the grace of God.

But AN's fever is back! She measured 38.1°c and complained of tummyache. Soon after, she threw up, followed by passing loose stools. Needless to say, the discomfort upset her and she started crying. Thank God after one session each of throwing up and diarrhoea, she seemed better and was her usual self again. We decided to give her fever relief even though the fever wasn't extreme so that she can rest better tonight. So fever us gone too.

Seems to us that it could be a problem with her milk. First time it happened, she threw up in the car to Universal Studio 2 Fridays ago. We thought it could be indigestion.

Last Sat at Valen's baby shower, she threw up again. What else but suspect indigestion again coz she was well both times?

And this evening too...

She has milk every morning but it occurred only these 3 days..we're suspecting but I can't be sure.

The last 2 times might also be due to something she caught at Kinderclinic last Thurs for ER's jab for all we know.

I'm going to call Abbott up to ask if there had been reported cases of similar incidents from this particular batch of Pediasure. In the meantime, no milk for her.

Next up ER. He had been fussing in his sleep since last night, stopping only if I carried and walked him about...oh my goodness...MIL carried him THE WHOLE AFTERNOON because she thinks he's sleepy but wasn't able to sleep and even after he fell asleep, she'd still be carrying him. We asked her to put him back to rocker after he fell asleep but she wanted him to fall into deeper sleep before putting him back.

He kept waking up and she kept walking him about to make him sleep. His eyes were wide and alert a few times when she commented that he looked tired...

Sure hope he's not preferring me to walk him to sleep or be his human mattress...

It could also be due to overstimulation coz we had guests last evening.

Another suspect would be his belly button. It's still moist after 2 months now. dr Lim said he would get us cream for that but we didn't hv it. It slipped my mind til next morning and I keep forgetting til now...

Both kids took turns to crank up just now. It was ..... beyond description...Thank God Mr Liow was able to help with comforting one while I comfort the other, else I'll go crazy...

So thankful the kids are asleep now.

I pray that Mr Liow will TOTALLY recover tomorrow, that AN's fever will not come back even without medicating her, that she will not throw up or have diarrhoea again tomorrow. Praying also that the infant ER will be spared of infections at the belly button or catch anything nasty from his sister. Also, I can't fall sick so that I can care for all of them...please pray with us for recovery for the youngs and old ya?

What a day...one is enough!

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Monday, November 29, 2010

Something serious

The numbing pain at Mr Liow's hips could be something serious according to the doctor he saw.

I remembered the A & E doc he saw at CGH many years ago mentioned the same thing: pain is good indication of working nerves. If it's numbness it may have gotten worse...

I'm worried :( he's on his way to A & E again for x ray. Pray that he'll be fine, or at least for the slipdisc to not,have gotten worse :(

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Sunday, November 28, 2010

A Weekend that Slipped By!

AN's fever lasted till before she slept and we were praying that she would recover soon.

Took her temperature throughout the night and saw her getting better. She was 37.5°c when she woke up this morning and by the time Mr Liow came back with breakfast, she was back to normal at 36.5°c. No signs of other sickness. Have no idea what that was but thank God she's well again.

Ah girl brought Paul over for a visit. It's our first time meeting him and I like him. He's a very pleasant young man, very likeable and decent. Girl, I'm so happy for both of you :)

We had a good time chatting and I realised I missed having ah girl drop by often to keep me company. Hehe. Missed those days when she would come and I'd tell her stories at night before I got married, missed her dropping by after school or during long lunch breaks. She's grown up and dating now. In no time, she'll be busy with her own family... Then it's going to be AN's turn...

With packed activities for this week (it could have been even more packed. There was another bb shower this afternoon that we gave a miss to avoid bringing AN out), I am starting to miss Mr Liow.

All 4 of us slept in the same room on both Fri and Sat night. Mr Liow slept on the floor on AN and my mattress. I always enjoy squeezing together in the same room with people I love. Reminds me of Andy and I sleeping with our parents in the same room when we were young. And when ah girl came, we all slept together. I like the feeling of togetherness.

But sleeping together means someone has to sacrifice due to lack of bed space. Mr Liow is feeling some numbing kind of pain at his left buttocks/hip area. I'm praying its not going to spark off his slipdisc problem again. He has a long flight on Sat..pray that he'll recover fully by then.

I love you dear. Having you at home makes 'work' feel easier and I'm happier. And just thinking of your absence makes me miss you already :(

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Saturday, November 27, 2010

AN having fever

She's running fever of 38.8°c. Have no idea why! She behaving normal and even body warmth felt normal. She did throw up at Valen's baby bash which we suspected was due to indigestion.

Well monitor her to see what's wrong :(

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Imagination on a higher level

AN was 'consulting Dr Liow' one evening.
AN: "Dr Liow! Can you check me?"
Daddy: ".....(talking on the phone regarding work)....."
AN: "Dr Liow..Dr Liow!!"
No reponse from daddy.
AN: "haiya...this doctor doesn't wasn't to talk to me. I better change another doctor..."

AN is a doctor this time, and I'm patient.
AN: "Tell me you are sick."
Me: "em...ok. I'm sick."
AN: "ok. I check you."
Full body checkup with stethoscope.
AN: "you are very sick. Super duper sick!"
Me: "oh no...am I going to die?"
AN looked sad and replied promptly: "no you won't die."
Me: "but I'm super duper sick. I'm dying. Its death painful?"
AN on the verge of tears: "no you won't die!"
I was about to ask again when she raised her voice and told me again : "you will not die. And I don't want you to say that word again."
Me: "which word?"
AN getting frustrated: "die! You won't die!"

Hahahaha! So fun to irritate a 3 yrs old for once.

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Friday, November 26, 2010

At Kinderclinic

AN taking a picture of me taking a picture of her. And there's Mr Liow carrying the little boy, feeling as tired as he looked.
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AN loves grapes

Especially seedless and skinless ones!
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Birth Extract Delivery

Remember I complained about getting engaged tones from ica hotline?

Mr Liow called and got them at his very first attempt.


He was given an RR number by ICA staff but when he called Singpost to check, this RR number was for an article to be sent to Toa Payoh, not Fernvale!

He called in a second time and was given this same number.

We are talking about identification here and they are so mixed up? I wondered if it was AN's birth extract that was sent to the Toa Payoh because they gave us the RR number based on the application reference number I got from them after applying online...

They finally found us the right RR number (I sure hope that's the right one). We'll know after the birth extract comes by tomorrow.

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Thursday, November 25, 2010

6 in 1 jab

ER got his 2nd month vaccination today, finally. Mr Liow had something important on Tuesday so he wasn't able to take leave. Told him if he still is unable to take leave by today, I'll just hv to make my way there with my mum, if she was free. And she was, coz she bought me a pail that dries mops well without needing me to possess strength of a weight lifter, and brought it to our plc. Hee.

Anyway, we didn't get to see Dr Tan. He was super duper fully booked. In fact, Kinderclinic was so busy that we waited 2 hrs to see Dr Lim instead. He's another nice doctor but Dr Tan is one rare PD practically gifted with the power of healing.

ER as compared to AN, was less receptive of the jab on his thigh. AN was as Dr Tan predicted 3.5yrs ago: " she'll cry for 5 secs and then stop." ER did not stop after 5 secs. Dr Lim thought he might also be uncomfy coz his diapers was soiled.

AN was braver... :)

Then came our questions regarding some worries:
1) Weight Loss
Dr Lim said weight loss is unlikely. ER is 5.4kg today, 58cm long and with head circumference of 38cm. He's above average on the chart and I noticed Dr Lim making a mark at the 75 percentile! He said ER had been getting powerful milk and is growing very well. Its near impossible for him to be 5.6kg 2 weeks ago. I feel more assured.

2) White stains on tongue
It's either milk stains or thrush. Thrush is fungal infection and if he's having thrush, it won't just be on his tongue (it'd also be on his gums, inner cheeks etc), and it won't be removable. I did see white spots on ER's gums. Dr looked and confirmed its harmless milk stains that should go away by themselves. The white spots on his gums are calcium buildups and harmless.

I now know why both our mums kept warning us that ER will not feed well if the whitish stains on tongue gets thicker. It's Thrush they were talking about but they didn't know it's a different thing altogether.

3) Jaundice
Cleared! Thank God!!

After seeing the Dr, we went to visit Karen who had given birth yesterday at Mt A too. She looks good and baby Ash too. So dainty...I like little girls...hee.

Had a late lunch and AN was so sleepy she slept thru lunch. Finally settled the CDA thingy. Its going to,take another 2 weeks for them to send necessary documents to us.

ER seems drowsy. Does any of the 6 in 1 jab contain anything that cause drowsiness? He feels a little warm to touch. We are praying hard against fever from the jab. AN never had to suffer fever after jabs and we pray ER will be spared too.

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Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Home alone from 4th - 13th December

Dawn's post reminds me, Mr Liow will be going to Orlando for 10 days and it's going to be me and the kids alone, without him. Thank God mum agreed to come stya with me to help me over the weekdays and MIL over the weekend in his absence. At least I won't go nuts being stuck at home for 10 whole days with a crying infant and attention-hungry preschooler. Not to forget the 2 mess making furkids.

During our 2 years in Tucson, he did go away for more exercises (deployments). Some major ones stretching over a month and some over only weekends. With an older AN by then, it was easier as well. Not to mention, enjoyable (when I was able to drive around by then!! )

Now with the 2 kids at such ages, it's totally different. I can't bring 2 kids out on my own, even if I drive (no guts to drive alone at all!! I could drive confidently without Mr Liow in Tucson...not here for sure.). If I were to travel by public transport, I'll collapse from exhaustion at the end of the day coz I won't be able to bring stroller for sure and manage 2 kids...That means I'll have to sling ER and he's not really that light now.

Even if I survive a day out, I'll dread coming home to sticky floors (and cross my fingers, that both of them do not plot revenge on me and flood the toilet floor before emptying the rest of their bowels outside the toilet...).

So, unless my mum gives me the encouragement, I will not initiate an outing with the kids.

Dear, you really are my pillar of strength. You are my superman. hehe. Enjoy your freedom while you can but remember, the rest of your village will be right there waiting for you. hehe.

Frustration Part 2

Mum took AN out and I thought I hv time to finally settle some payments online. Safari on the iMac doesn't allow viewing of certain pages (missing something) so when I clicked send, I was shown some error code...duh..I'm no programmer. Speak no computer language leh...sigh...

Downloaded IE for MAC but it simply freezes at random pages. Used to work on the laptop when I paid with IE as my browser coz Firefox also didn't work when I had to make certain online payments.

Desperate, I returned to Safari again...this time paying through the bank's website instead of operator's. I prefer paying through operator coz I could monitor status, not through bank.

Took me hours to download, wait, install, wait, pay and wait again...

Then, AN came back. She's got lots to tell me about Strawberry Shortcake at the performance mum took her to, but I was too occupied to listen. I had to file those invoices that had been paid, and leave those that I've not paid somewhere within sight so that I don't forget.

Then ER cried. Time for milk. I went outside to get him and saw pee stains...sigh...I just mopped the floor before going into the room. Why didn't they pee before I mopped? They had from morning till 2.30pm. And it was s if in revenge coz there wasn't just 2 puddles of pee. The whole paper area was soaked in pee. It's no wonder how they stepped on pee before walking out and about...felt like crying....I JUST MOPPED THE FLOOR!!!

Clothes are still in washing machine waiting to be hung up. Thank God mum had already helped me bring down and fold the previous batch.

This is one of those days when all things happen at the same time, causing me to feel busy to the point of frustration...

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The Furkids

The 2 who used to rule the world
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My Human Darlings

And now there are 3...
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Infants are Cute! (ER's growth updates)

Can't help but think ER is cute. Hee. He's been cooing a lot more lately and maintains eye contact while doing that, like he's holding a proper conversation.

I like how he coyly blinks his eyes, sometimes looking away shyly, sometimes widening them as if he was surprised.

He's still wide awake as I'm writing this post, suckling while lying beside me (we've managed to maintain this position for the past week. No spitting up due to nursing this way). He's looking up at me while nursing, and chatting with me at the same time. He doesn't have big eyes but they sure look bigger when he gazes upwards...and that face... So cute. Hee.

He returns our smile too. Put our faces nearer to him and smile, he does the same back, sometimes.

I had been envious of Joan coz Darius is a daddy's boy. He wants daddy most times. Seems like ER is also showing signs too. YEAH! Whenever he's unpacifiable by me, most times after he's passed to Mr Liow, he either calms down or falls asleep! That is amazing, and its good news, for me at least.

He's been drinking rather little lately. Nurses for short periods of less than 5mins and sleep for 2 hours after that.

No more explosive poop that shoots right into us anymore. I didn't get any although Mr Liow said he still does it.

He's rather smiley, more so than cool AN who hardly smiled when she was a baby.

In short, I really am enjoying the infant stage of life this time round. The first time, I was too preoccupied with logistics and worried excessively over milk supply. Plus the lack of sleep made me wish motherhood was just bad dream that I could wake out of.

I'm still complaining about things that happen day in and out. But I see cuteness in ER, those I overlooked in AN. If only they never grow up, how nice. Hee.

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Taking a Break from sleeping alone

AN managed to sleep on her own for slightly less than a week. She started realising that I'd not be with her every time she woke up, so each time I go back to lie with her, she would hug me tight or feel my body to make sure I was beside her and it was not just the pillow. So as not to turn her off the idea of sleeping alone , ER and I have shifted back to sleep with her. We'll try that again maybe next month or later, only after she is able to fall into a deeper sleep.

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Tuesday, November 23, 2010


I'm so frustrated!!!!!

AN's birth cert had survived the US 2 years and we came back with it. Just when we need it now to register her for school, it's missing...

I have already applied for a birth extract and it's been 2 weeks. Not here yet. I found finely torn up pieces of what appeared to be a registered post notification slip (recognised it from the tiny corner...). Thanks to B&M again. I have no idea if it's for the birth extract. Even if it is, I can't arrange for them to deliver it again coz i do not have the RR number.... Of sooooooo many days I'm home, they have to send it when I am NOT home!! WHY??

I went online to find some ways to contact ICA from their website. There is only one number to call and  that number's always engaged. No email address to contact them. The only F&Q info about application enquiry says that I have to get my application number and email address ready. I have both, but then what do I do next??? I cant' even get them to check it up!

This is sooooo irritatiing.

ER's baby bonus thing is also rejected due to incompleted form..What's incompleted about the form?? We waited 3 weeks to hear that form was incomplete. And then now, does it mean we have to reapply and wait another 3 weeks??

OMGoodness....I can only do these things when I'm free and I don't have time in front of the PC to do these often....now one thing's missing and i need to redo another. Will Adnroid go faster and allow flash so that I can do these while putting the kids in bed??? I need TECHNOLOGY to be productive!!!

It's soo....freaking....ARGH!!!!~!!!!

Monday, November 22, 2010

Something's not right

ER WAS 5.6kg a few weeks back. I can't really recall when that was, probably 2 weeks ago. He was 4.9kg few days ago, and 5.2 kg today (and yesterday).

The more I think about it, the more I'm worried. The layers of fats on his thighs and arms are gone and he's not as heavy when I carry him lately too. I don't mind him not having layers of fats on his body or limbs. His sister is one skinny kid and I'm used to bony structures.

But an infant of 2 months old losing fats and weight is not something common. Weight curve should not be going downwards, not this young, right?? My mum noticed the difference too but kept quiet about it. 

Hope to be able to bring him to Dr Terrence tomorrow. We've been trying to book him with Dr Tan for the past few weeks for his jab and 2nd month checkup but coz Dr Tan is toooooo busy, all the way till end of tis year, we can only call in the morning of the day we intend to drop by, to see if Dr Tan happens to have a free slot tomorrow.

No point waiting now..if he's still fully booked for tomorrow, we'll go for the other PDs. He needs his jab and checkup and now, we need to ask about the weight loss.

It bothers me.. :(

What didn't help

Coffee stains on table top that invited ants, spoon still with coffee on it ON THE DRYING RACK, white stains from toothpaste that dripped on reflective surface and mirror that had been left to dry, a screwdriver left on coffee table, some unknown brown and sticky substance on cabinet door....

These do not help.

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What helps

AN trying her best to behave, helps.

She finished her milk this morning, had a decent portion of lunch and even got up after drifting into sleep for nap to tell me she had the urge to pee. No doubt after peeing, she's now wide awake and chatty but we'd want her to not pee in her training pants at all, if she can help it.

She got impatient with her toys while playing just now and willingly walked into the naughty corner of our room when asked to. And she accepted her punishment of having the toy confiscated for (another) one day (it got confiscated yesterday for the same reason.. Somehow tool-toys seem to make her lose patience easily, but she doesn't give up just because she didn't get it to work. So, she needs more patience).

It seems to me that AN behaves better when only one other parent or guardian is with her.

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Sunday, November 21, 2010

One Bad Day

On some days, 80% of the things AN does brings my blood to boiling point.

Taking forever to finish breakfast (only milk), lunch and dinner (IF SHE FINISHES!), her refusing to submit, her throwing tantrums, and now she even reasons that peeing in her training pants before she falls asleep is ok. She seems to have a thousand and one things in her tiny brain that she brings out each day to bring my blood pressure up.

Is this the beginning of defiance??

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Big Mess...

We were out for Isaac's first month bb bash this afternoon and went to meet my family for dinner after that.

It was a long and tiring day and by the time we got home, it was almost 10pm.

The last thing we hoped to see was mess...and being tired, I was hoping the floor will not be too sticky, coz we don't have much energy to mop.

But, not only was the floor sticky (extremely! I was almost sure they peed in the living room and stepped all over the house....), we saw a puddle of pee on the new cushion of our papasan chair...

Well done, Maen.... Well done...

We're finally done with cleaning. Thank God Ethan was not too whiny so we could share duties and get things done soon.

I've soaked the pee area of the cushion. Let's see how many days it'll take for the cushion to dry...

Time now is 12:28am.... I'm tired, physically and mentally...sometimes I wish we don't always have to return home to sticky floors so at least I can choose whether or not I want to mop them when I'm really really tired...

I fear leaving the house now...I fear having more work to do when we return, like today...and with the usual days when Mr Liow thought he would bring me out for a breather.

I was asked twice on separate occasions by different friends if we've considered a domestic helper. I had at some point but we're both nt too keen.

It takes time to train a helper, that is if we are blessed with one who meets our requirements. Good helpers do not come easy, and we don't have time or excess patience to train.

And I see how some kids rely totally on the helper to the extent of nearly behaving crippled (leave empty boxes of raisins on table. Eat and drop food everywhere. Everything must be done by helper, from getting hair blown dry, to having dishes placed on table..and they do not wash their own plates.)

Not all kids with helper behave like that but if mine happen to, I.WILL.DIE. I hate such behaviours but have no remedy for them...not as if I have plenty of time on my hands, or patience, or knowledge on how to bring up perfect kids...

Another one of emo days again...I should just try close my eyes now before ER wakes up for milk, anytime soon....

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Friday, November 19, 2010


I'm missing the jie jie. For the first time in years, I actually am feeling bored. ER fussed quite a bit this morning and fell asleep for almost 3hrs after that.

With that 3hrs that I had, I felt lonely without the constant yaking from AN ringing in my ears like every other day.

I've finished part of the housework already but am lazy to do the others (like dusting the house , bathing BM, changing bedsheets etc)

Am trying to enjoy boredom! Its not exactly enjoyable but its one chance to feel bored that doesn't happen .

I should just make ER go to sleep soon and then change the sheets. Think they're getting dusty, probably. Mr Liow and I had been sneezing. Kids too.

Ok, shall do that.

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I can post pictures

This blogger program on my phone allows me to post pictures when the actual blogger.com tells me I've busted 1G of my given space...

So I'm going to post pictures using this program from now on.

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Ice Cream Day

Mr Liow decided to bring his little girl to Swensons for dinner, followed by ice cream!

Forgot pictures of my fish n chips & Mr Liow's all time favourite: Rum and Raisins...
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A Day of PEACE (beginning with the first 2 hours)

Mr Liow took the big sister out to Universal Studio Singapore for his RSAF family day and that means it's just ER and I at home with the furkids.

ER is peacefully sleeping...and I'm peacefully surfing the net and uploading pictures via bluetooth.

It's quite a feat pairing my phone and iMAC...I wonder why. Both devices are (relatively) new so I'm suspecting (but not hoping) that either of the built-in bluetooth is not working or less sensitive..

IF I have time still, I'll try editing movies!!

p.s: The iMAC is so completely new to me....and almost everything we use on the PC, it's opposite on the MAC. Even the 'close window' button (the cross) is on top left instead of right, and I can't select all with ctrl A....Got to relearn everything again.


It's fun, coz of the big screen and frankly, MAC is more responsive. Sorry windows....

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Here's how she now looks like

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Letters of the Alphabet

AN notices BM's pee and poop whenever she's doing her own business in the restroom.

Someone peed a letter "O" today. It was lowercase "E" yesterday, and uppercase "T" the day before.

This will be another way to teach ER to recognise letters when his turn comes.

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ER lost weight?!

He was 5.6kg 2 weeks ago but when I took his weight just minutes ago, he is only 4.9kg! Did he lose weight? How can that be?

And I noticed his belly button doesn't look dry. I mean, it looks a little scaly with flaking skin and part of the skin around his belly button looked shiny, as if it had been moist. Is it infected? Am going to alcohol wipe the area again...

Oh no :(

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Monday, November 15, 2010

No More Long Hair

Trimmed AN's fringe this morning and while I was at it, I decided to trim the rest of her hair as well.

It got shorter, and shorter....My mum will cry when she sees the long hair's gone. My heart ached too. Surprisingly, the little girl said she likes her shorter hair!

Give her another year and half. Hair will grow back. Hee.

"Walk out of the room to look for me"

Among some common behaviours that AN is punished for each day, shouting for me from her room after she wakes up each day is one that I didn't seem to see much improvement in. Shouting develops into screaming tantrums if I do not appear soon.

And patience is something I hv even lesser of these days... Each time she wakes up crying, I'll hv to remind her that we are at home and she can walk out of her room to look for me. If she shouts in the room, I wait for her to walk out. If she starts screaming, she gets punished.

But then right after waking up from a sleep, do I expect myself to immediately regain composure and recall specific instructions? It's not easy.

AN did it, 30 mins ago. I was awake but trying to fall asleep when I heard her through the baby monitor. The moment I opened the door, there she was, sobbing.

She remembered to "walk out of the room to look for me"! Even in the middle of the night, she remembered...

Have I been thinking worse of her than she really is becoming? I thought she's trying to be difficult each day when she starts screaming for me in the room. I thought she's simply being too stubborn to obey...

Wrong...she's trying to remember. She really is.

Judy, she's only 3 years old. Can you wake up and look carefully? She's only 3!

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Friday, November 12, 2010

Explain explain and explain

When words go a big round before reaching the ears or eyes of people mentioned, they turn foul, like food.

I tried explaining to keep a friend. If explaining works not, I have totally no idea what I can do anymore. I don't even know what's the magic word to use on my 3yrs old, let alone people I do not live with.

Just how did just a sentence to explain a situation erupt into such big misunderstanding?

Can someone explain to me?

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Things have changed

Dawn mentioned something in her blog post some time ago regarding her kiddos after her 2nd child was born and she struck me hard with those words. How true it is, that AN has not changed, but we have. And our expectations of her has also changed.

Once upon a time, she could sing s loudly and she liked, played on her drum or musical instruments anytime of the day, paint or mould with playdoh whenever she felt like it. She would always wake up with me by her side, and we even had time to make brownies and mess the kitchen up. We laughed at the mess and it was fun.

Nw, we have to do everything with ER in consideration. Will she wake him up or fall on him? Will I have time to clear up the mess? Will I hv time to stay by her side so she wakes up with me in her sight?

She's still herself and wonders why things are no longer the way they used to be. And she has to learn to accept changes.

Not easy for a 3 yrs old. She loves her brother to bits (she willingly stops her own nursing and tells me ER must be hungry, or goes talk to him whenever I'm busy and he cries. Not forgetting the toys she shares with him and how she will watch out for dangerous things that may happen to him, for e.g. if his blanket covers part of his face or if he has his fist on his nose). This is a blessing that I am not taking for granted. I remember how I used to hate having to do things that will not affect my brother as a kid.

But she has been punished many times for remaining the same or not being able to adapt to changes as we had hoped for.

I'd feel terribly guilty at the end of the day for punishing her but then same things happen the following day and she gets punished again.

I watch how she's becoming increasingly defensive and she's learning to glare at me the way I glare at her when I'm angry...

I love her. I could never figure out how mum could punish us in the past and tell us that it made her sad when she had to. Now I can fully understand. Coz many times now, I am overcome by anger and lose my sanity. Punishment was mete out not according to how seriously ill-behaved she had been, but how angry I was with that thing she did.

It's harder to tell myself to choose the right thing to do, than I used to think.

Like yesterday (as with most afternoons lately), she woke up screaming at the top of her voice because I wasn't with her when she woke up. She woke ER up but didn't stop when she heard him crying. My dad carried ER out of the room while she continued. I waited for her to calm down but she didn't. The more I waited, the louder she screamed. It came to a point when my blood boiled to max and I went into the room to smack her on her palm, many times, and very hard. So hard my own palm throbbed in pain.

I had the angel telling me to go in and speak to her gently and the devil instigating me to go in to smack her. I listened to the devil. I can still recall the fear in her eyes as I raised my voice at her and smacked her palm..... :(

I must be the worst mum ever...

Both Mr Liow and I think she's trying to behave but being a 3 yrs old, she also has a mind of her own. Things she wants to make decisions over, she wonders why we want to interfere.

I've learnt some lessons as a mum now with so many decisions to make day in and day out: As society changes, as time changes, as things change, one thing can never change. Love will never change. I love Baileys, our first'born', Maen the silly cow, AN the human first'born' and even ER now whom I wondered will take me how long to fall in love with.

If only things can fall in places perfectly, how nice.....

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The Story about Sleep

ER had the best rest ever last night! We tucked in around midnight and he did not wake up till 4plus am. After the 4am feed, he rested another 3hrs and woke up at 7plus.

I should be soundly resting too.....BUT...the elder sis did not sleep as well.

She was punished before bed time and did not go to sleep in peace. At 3:13am, I heard her sobbing and asking for me through the baby monitor.

I rushed over to hug her. I had been losing my patience with her very easily lately and with trying times during every meal, she gets it from me too often...And it's often after she's fallen asleep that my guilt attacks me. Why do I always choose to be so harsh with her when my conscience reminds me that I can choose to be gentle...

She hugged me tightly and said sorry before starting to sob. super heartache.... :( I hugged her for a long time till I thought she should have gone back to sleep but the moment I took my hands away, she woke up and pulled my hands back onto herself and firmly held onto me... I've created insecurity in my baby... :(

Didn't think she should continue sleeping alone coz she'd only continue to wake up and find me missing each time, so I took her to sleep in our room fter she remained awake for the next hour (in case ER wakes up needing my attention).

The end.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

"Bu Shi Wo"

I sneaked a stink bomb on Mr Liow and AN last evening and it did stink a little. The 2 of them had to find something to cover their noses and both started laughing.

Mr Liow then instigated AN to point the culprit (me) out by instructing her to say: "Ni Fang Pi" (you farted) and point at me.

AN stopped laughing all of a sudden and looked confused. She then pitifully defended herself: "Bu shi wo! (it's not me!)"

This tickled Mr Liow and I even further!! The look on her face was priceless. muahahahaha!

Mr Liow then tried to make his message clearer by pointing at me and repeating: "No. I mean, point at mummy and say 'Ni fang pi'!"

AN continued defending herself with: "No! Wo mei you! (I did not!)"

She was half laughing from our laughter and half feeling upset that Mr Liow is accusing her when they both knew I was the one who did it.

She thought about it for a while and we wondered if she finally got Mr Liow's message or if she was just trying to convince Mr Liow that I was the one who passed gas. She pointed at me and went: "Ni fang pi!"

Hehe. So cute.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Sleeping ALONE

It was AN's first night sleeping alone last night and she did it!

I laid down with her till she fell asleep. The baby monitor we used to have beside her when she was a baby, came in handy again.

ER and I slept in the master room with Mr Liow.

The whole night, besides waking up to feed ER every 2 hourly on average, I was also unable to sleep coz I was worried about my girl...I was afraid she would wake up finding herself sleeping all alone in the dark and get frightened.

Thank God there was not a single sound she made at all. The baby monitor didn't catch a single whine. She didn't even budge when I carried a bawling ER to her room for a diaper change. She did find the bedside lamp irritating and covered her eyes with her hands, and then fell asleep again.

ER and I went to sleep with her after Mr Liow went to work. She woke up with us by her side, not realising she survived the night all by herself!

I praised her this morning and told her she slept alone last night. She went:" I don't want to sleep by myself!" Too bad...it did happen.

Am praying that she will survive sleeping alone again tonight.

Monday, November 8, 2010

You don't know, who will know???

Starhub really confuses me to no end...

I was charged almost $300 for data usage but while connected to wifi. They capped it at $88 (as if I should be grateful to them!!) and expected me to pay. The thing is, I am paying for maxonline (internet). Why should I still be paying for connection?

So, I dialled 1637 for billing enquiries and was told that I am actually charged for data activities (downloading etc). Wifi only allows me to go online. I scratch head and was convinced by how it works but it just doesn't make sense to me that I have to pay for wifi (ONLY connection) and data (exorbitant amount for a mere 27mbs of usage!)

I was again, told by the same guy that there was no way I could deactivate Gee Services. But that will be stupid because if I am getting a smartphone, I will have to connect to the world wide web (if it's like what he said, that I can't turn Gee off, would that not mean that I have no choice but pay for internet, whether or not I need to go online?). Why on earth will I be that silly as to NOT get a non-data plan for an extra $10 a month, get connected automatically (cannot turn off according to him) and pay $88 instead? The customer service staff at the counter should have pre-warned me when I got the phone if it's as he said, isn't it?

Made a request to switch to Smartsurf. It only makes more sense that I get 12G of data for $10 more than pay $88 for the little bit that I use each month. Will take a day for the switch..

I was told that I have to call 1633 for 'feedback' (read: complain) and that he would only be able to help me with billing (I asked for a waiver of the $88 because I was surfing only from home for goodness sake, with my own wifi!!)

I didn't trust that guy, seriously...so I dialled 1633.

I asked if I will still be charged for Gee even though I am sure I was connected to my own wifi. The girl said she didn't know. She said she DID NOT KNOW!

Wah.....say.....If you don't know, how should I know???? Can customer service people say "I am not sure" to their customer people these days? In my days at Starhub doing the same thing, those were taboo words!

The most she could help me with, was to get a Samsung Beam 'specialist' to help me turn Gee off. erm...And I thought that guy at 1637 said there was no way I could turn Gee off?? Since she said I could have the Gee service switched off (so that I can be even more sure that I am solely connected through wifi), I asked her to help me terminate the request for the switch of plan to Smart surf. She said she will terminate the order on my behalf. I sure hope it will happen...Starhub has failed me too many times...

I am basically waiting for the 'specialist' to call me before 6pm to teach me to turn Gee off. And hoping to hear from finance department about my waiver in 3-5 days' time.

They do not even give the same info with regards to the same matter, so how??


Saturday, November 6, 2010

The kids (human and furred)

I've found another way to put pictures on the blog!!

This is going to be time consuming so pictures will be rare now. Will still post because if I lose my memory at any time, I know where I can go back to find myself. hehe.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

sticky eye discharge

ER's left eye is getting increasingly watery and I saw a teeny bit of discharge at the inner corner on that eye.

AN had blocked tear ducts when she was an infant. If he's having the same thing, all I need to do will be to massage the inner corner of that eye and clean both eyes regularly.

Hope this is nothing serious

Milky Business

This is a non profitting business that I'm doing for a 2nd time. Was super tough the 1st time but I was able to nurse AN all the way till now.

And I'm a confident human equivalent of a cow, believing I have LOTS of milk.

With AN, I came to a point where a 150mls storage bag wasn't enough to store what I was producing at each pump. I needed 2 bags each time, and the freezer filled up with bags of milk, faster than AN could finish. Even with BM helping to 'clear stock', I still had problems with space to store the excess.

So, this time, after more than a month later, I'm starting to pump and store again. And the confident moo moo cow in me got a shock of my life.... I could hardly hit 100mls after trying my very best!

Near 100mls last evening and only 80mls half an hour ago. What happened to my '150mls and more', and 'past-midnight shift' supply??


But I do remember overdoing it the first time. Was worried I might not have enough for the then baby AN, so whenever I wasn't nursing her, I was pumping. So my body kept producing.

My supply at this stage is either stuck at the 'norm' range, a month into the life of my infant, or my lack of pumping did play a part in the lower amount of milk this time.

Maybe it's just normal that I will not produce too much more than what my infant can drink, whether or not my 'machine' is seasoned. Even Mr Liow's cousin (whose baby is 9 days younger than ER), is already producing 100mls at night!

I do know I'm comfortable now at night time though, unlike my first time, when the b....ts feel full, hard and painful. I had to pump frequently to relieve myself of the pain. Its a (vicious) cycle: pump to relief pain but body produced more to top up.

So, to 1st time mummies who intend to nurse or have just started, trust that your body can give what your baby needs. Don't give in to thoughts or comments, telling you that you have no milk. Just keep feeding and pumping. If you ever have to get into a (vicious) cycle of anything, this is probably one worth getting into.

But of course, if nursing turns into a chore or gets overly stressful, it's probably time to consider giving formula. Being able to enjoy motherhood is more important than getting all stressed up about feeding baby. Formula milk these days contain all the goody stuff to make healthy and smart babies too.

As for me now, I'm stocking up, without regards for how much I produce. I need to build up my milk bank so ER has enough to drink when jobs start coming (hopefully not too long after).

Oh, and this time I feel hungry all the time! I have my 3 regular meals and am constantly snacking (on nuts, crackers, chocolates) in between! And I'll feel so hungry before bedtime I'll not be able to fall asleep until I have something to eat....sob....how am I supposed to lose weight like this?

I felt thirsty very often the first time. This should explain ER's built vs AN's.

Anyway, I'll update on whether or not my supply increases over time as I go along. Hee.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Mr Liow misses our past 2 years

My hubby misses the work environment in Tucson and everything else about Tucson. If it's in His plans that we return, I pray for our readiness. I'm not really ready to go back at this point (after the hectic few months of shifting, adjusting and unpacking..it's rather traumatizing, to be frank). But I miss Tucson and people there (Tucson friends, and PV people in Tucson, although if we were to ever go back, the same people may not be there the next time round).

And if the opportunity arises, when? How old will AN and ER be? How about BM?
Dear, whatever you choose, if you have a choice, we'll go with you.

No more space??

I've run out of  my 1GB space and can no longer upload pictures on the blog!! huh??? This blog is going to be pictureless from now on...I will probably do up another blog ... like .... give me another 3 more years to get it up and going.

Huh....why like that???

Monday, November 1, 2010

Bad vibes - negative feelings again

Didn't feel so good last Fri when Mr Liow rushed off to fetch his mum :(

It's become a routine for him to go fetch her, and it's fine with me (although sometimes when he has to work late and still rush to fetch her, I'd prefer she probably take a cab over or something..It pains me to see Mr Liow having to rush about after a long day at work).

SIL was supposed to drop her at our place before bringing the kids back to her own place on Fri and I do not know what happened (probably there was a little disagreement in between) but MIL called Mr Liow and told him that she wouldn't be coming over that weekend, and the next (which is the coming one). She said something like she has her own home and doesn't need to rely on others, or something to that extent, which Mr Liow didn't really comprehend either.

We were in the midst of eating and he was feeding AN. AN, as usual, was taking her own sweet time at eating (own sweet time is no offence. It's when she doesn't chew...that's what boils our blood!). After she hung up on him, Mr Liow got worried and called her back, assuring her that he would be going over to fetch her since SIL wasn't able to. I think she told him not to go get her coz he said something like "I'll go over once I'm done. Pack your things and wait for me." And he had to repeat a few times.

So, everything was a rush from that point on. AN should have enough by the time he hung up, so Mr Liow took her and left the house. I was left with all the dishes to do...and an infant who would wake up at the wrongest time of the day to fuss...

This brought back what happened during ER's full month bash for the relatives:
My parents came early to help, mum bathed AN after I was done with ER. Then I had time to make sure I look presentable enough for the lunch.

Mr Liow got a call from MIL who was just done with church at 12pm (when relatives were expected to start pouring in) to go fetch her. He left. Then buffet people came, did the setup and I had no idea where to get money to pay them. At the same time, HIS relatives started arriving and my parents didnt know who was who. I was looking like a freak with mascara on 1 eye while ravaging drawers for money to pay the buffet man and greeting relatives my parents do not know.

Church is in Jalan Kayu and we have a direct bus between our home and church. Less than 5 stops away...duno hw to take bus, cab also can right? Won't cost more than $6...Both locations are separated by only a big field...

If my family didn't arrive early, the kids probably won't have even taken their baths yet..!

All these that happened brought back very negative memories, of 'once upon a time', which I will not elaborate now. It was really once a upon a time when he was still in the army and if you recall something, it's probably IT. (Not forgetting 2008 claustrophobic experience for me, and 2010 luggage incident...and more!)

At that point, I felt like a second class citizen again (it happens when you have 2 citizens in the family). One mountain cannot hide 2 tigers.. I know it's stupid of myself to have to compare myself against MIL in Mr Liow's heart but I do...it just never fails to happen over and over again..

At a call, Mr Liow rushed over. Just like that, simple. I was just suggesting to him before he picked up her call, that he could suggest she take a cab over coz he was lamenting about being tired and hoping to stay at home to catch the 9pm show. Was glad he did not, else MIL would probably have felt even worse than she did then..

At a call, he went to fetch her at the busiest hour of the full month bash when it's so convenient between both locations...

What she wants, she gets. FULL STOP. Simple.

How did that (about Mr Liow rushing over to fetch his mum) make me feel like a 2nd class citizen? I looked at all those dishes and was hoping initially that he would have time to wait for me to finish doing those dishes before he left the house but with just one phone call, I'd have to take a seat and wait for my turn. Again, I wondered WHY she couldn't take a cab? She did not need to bring kids along with her. It was just her and her 3 bags (we always wonder why she needs 3 bags when she comes over for just the weekend).

BUT...it's really nothing serious. I keep trying to think positive to remain sane (among the daily things that happen possible to challenge my sanity). I am bothered there and then,when things happen but I'm trying not to be too bothered by him at her beck and call. (note that I mentioned 'trying') .I have more important things to worry about at this stage of my life than to wonder who my hubby loves more now. Like I've been telling him, I doubt he will ever have time for a 'fourth 'person in our marriage.

Maybe I should be thankful for this afterall..