Mild Tempered or Unable to Reject

AN used to have a few jie jies who will play with her during gatherings and take really good care of her. Two have gone back to Singapore and only Kimberly is left. There are now new jie jies who enjoy playing with her just as much but it could be due to the age differences, one jie jie was a little too insistent on having AN pretend to be sick and wrapped her with towel before tucking her in bed under a thick blanket. I didn't know what the girls were doing till I went into the room for a random check and saw a teary eyed AN comfortably tucked in. She stretched her arms out to be rescued the moment she saw me but she did not cry then.

Seeing that she was ok after she got out of the layers, I left the room while the girls continue to play.

Short while later, I heard a little girl's cries from the room and went in to have a look. AN was crying. Her hands were on the handles of a toy stroller while she cried. The eldest jie jie probably got worried that they could be in trouble and started explaining that they were playing when AN started crying. Another jie jie said AN wanted to push the stroller out but the eldest jie jie stopped her.

I gave my girl a tight hug while asking to hear her side of the story but AN could only cry. The eldest jie jie then commented that AN didn't know how to speak, only knew how to cry.

That comment upset me, not so much that I suspected AN was being bullied but more of the fact I'm heartbroken that AN didn't know how to say 'No' when she was being made to do things against her wishes. On second thoughts, AN wasn't bullied. She was just too young to participate and the eldest jie jie just didn't realise that.

Reminds me that how I had been treating AN will relate to how she handles relationships as she grows up. I had been too ..... forceful and has created in AN, a fear of standing up for herself, an inability to reject. :(

Maybe she was 'victimized', or rather chosen for roles no one will play, because she was the youngest. Maybe she will learn to say No whenever necessary as she grows up. Maybe I'm thinking too much again, but that was a good reminder to me that what AN grows up to be like will depend on how I behave as her mother. And how much I pray for my daughter.

I do not want AN to grow up to be a bully but I certainly do not wish that she will be on the receiving end. I pray the Lord will give her the wisdom to deal with situations in ways pleasing to Him.

From these little incidents (another being the eldest jie jie sneering at AN for not knowing how to even shoot from a gun. It didn't bother me at all that AN had never played with a gun), AN appeared to be one who will not fight back. Maybe she's still young but I pray she will continue to grow up with a merciful spirit like I notice in her at this age.

Towards the end of the day, she went on to give the jie jies a goodbye hug and 'I love you' sign while saying that out loud. That warmed me so much....why have I been blinded to AN's sweet sweet temperament and the little tantrums seem to always look worse than they really are?

Lord, please open my eyes to see AN's good and encourage her to grow in them. Please help me to see AN's fault so that I can pray for her. Please help me see myself each second of the day so that AN will be able to see who you are in the right light. Please keep me under control each day and protect AN's little spirit from my anger. Please, please remind me that building AN's character is much much more important than how much she eats each day, or how many alphabets she can recognize.

Amen!