Time to change my disciplinary tactics

It's been time out for a year and seems to have worked but as AN grows older, she becomes more stubborn. As she becomes more stubborn, she's also becoming increasingly rude and is lately starting to get slightly physical by sweeping or slapping things or hands away from her when she doesn't like the attention.

As I lay down now, I wonder what I've been doing wrong to seem to have made her even more I'll disciplined than she was at 2 yrs old.

I'm glad I came across an article (let's see if I can find it again) that suggests that if time out does not work on a 3 years old anymore, it may be time to change tactics. At this age, they are able to reason and what worked in the past may not work anymore. The article suggested that at this age, they observe and imitate. I guess her behaviour now is pure reflection of myself as I discipline her.

I hardly hit her but I did 2 days ago when she was extremely stubborn and when I hit her, she daringly told me: "I don't like mummy to hit me!" I smacked her thigh once for each time she told me that. I told her I had to smack her because she does not listen to me anymore and she replied that she heard me but just did not want to do it my way. Discipline time is now debate time with her insisting that she is not in the wrong.

At this point, I guess, punishment is no longer a good way to discipline her.

From now on, I'm going to try listen to her more and tolerate her nonsense (to see if she had been mirroring my reaction when she misbehaves). I'll try positive parenting. Try searching online and reading books and you'll find all sorts of conflicting solutions to bringing up a child, and one tactic may work for a while but not forever!

I hope to be more cheerful than firm this time round (some parenting guides tell u that u have to show the kid who is in charge, some tells u that u are a friend, some tells you that you are like a coach to guide and not to discipline). I'm desperate. If one doesn't work anymore, then forget it.

Let's see, maybe instead of time out, I'll try going into a room together with her to listen to what she has to say for misbehaving. Maybe I'll tell her where she went wrong patiently instead of firmly, whether or not she is willing to acknowledge that she hears me instead of firmly insisting that she replies me if she understands me.

I feel very terrible each time I recall how I seem to be traumatizing her. To me, it's discipline but to her, it may be that mummy's overpowering her. For a child, I wonder if I terrified her so much she had to protect herself by being defiant..

I want her to know that I love her...I'll take a different approach tomorrow..

Update about her weaning off night nursing:
She had her suckles in the afternoon for short periods and I reminded that there will be no mem mem for nights anymore.

She agreed but as hours passed, she pleaded with me that she wants mem mem still.

At midnight, she tried to not sleep (like past 2 days) and told me she wanted to drink something, and then she wanted to "colour something". Just when I brought 2 books out to read to her, she said she was sleepy (it was way past her bedtime, so she has to be sleepy)

We struck a deal: 10 secs on each side. She kept her promise and did not ask for anything else. I wanted to stroke her back to sleepy but she angrily refused to let me do it. Minutes later, she angrily said: "Go away. I don't want you." She was facing away from me so I am not too sure if she was sleep-talking or talking to her bolster which is probably in her way..

This "I don't want you" concerns me because I'm worried she will turn into an unloving and unhappy child.

I am going to change how I discipline her. Will do anything to help AN recognize that we love her despite her tantrums.