Our First Loves

Was feeding them a while ago while ER slept. Baileys waited in down position and Maen did her tribal circle dance as usual. To remind her to wait (in down position like Baileys), I gave her a light tap on the 'lozenges' on top of her head.
Now I finally know what that mark on her head is for! Baileys doesn't have one. Go figure.

I can't remember when I last patted them but I did while they ate. That moment, I was overwhelmed by some strange emotions, something familiar.

I love them and its been a long time since I remembered it. Most days lately, I just hate to see pawprints by pee all over and patches of saliva when they lick the floor, less than a day after I got the floor looking shiny and nice, and for the past few weeks, tumbleweeds of fur right after spring cleaning.

Most people spring clean their house once a year. My mum says I do it every week. But no one can tell. Coz the house looks neglected no matter how hard I try.

That moment of stroking them got me thinking: "Do I really wasn't them to go?"

People who do not know us, speaks on behalf of them, saying that they will be happier with us, that I'm a MFB (some swear words that I'm won't explain more abt) who only pretends I love them.

How many human can second-guess the thoughts of another and get it right all the time? And you think you know my furkids better than I do. *applaudes* I don't even know if it'll make them happier somewhere else although I can only second-guess their preference.

The part of me who loves them, says they will be much happier with attention. And because all they get now is instructions to keep off (the floor when it's cleaning time) and keep out (of the rooms). No mental stimulation, no shower of love out even a hint of it. No time (even if I have, I use it elsewhere).

The selfish part of me finds me more time once they are gone. I can do housework once a week and get less tired and cranky coz I've less to do. I feel less stressed up and the human kids get a more smiley mummy. AN will get to do messy art coz I'll have time to clean up after her when I do not have that amount of cleaning up to do elsewhere anymore!

And then I remember how I longed to see them wagging happily each time I return home from work in the past, how I'd hug Baileys before Maen came, praying that he'll live for a long time and die one day before I do so that I can care for him till I die.

This is confusing to people who do not have dogs or only as pets, not family. How many reading this can understand the dilemma? I don't know.

I've been trying to avoid this topic and allowing myself to run on auto mode when situation arises each day. We'll let the Lord decide. Before anything else happens, they badly need a shower. This weekend, hopefully.

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