Day Whatever: Neverending never ceasing never never never

Bad bad bad.

Milk for breakfast.

Nothing for lunch.

GROUNDED BROWN RICE COOKED FOR 2Hours (good for any year old babies to eat!!!!!) with her favourite brocolli and carrots in chicken stock. That's dinner. GROUNDED BROWN RICE, for goodness sake! I'm short of making rice smoothie for her to just swallow without even needing to chew. But it won't even help for this kid who takes an hour to even swallow milk. What is wrong with her??????

Again, again, and again I asked her to chew and swallow.

She had that mouthful in there for an hour already. And that was her 1st quarter.

Everyones sick of reading about ANs eating habits. I'm sick of feeding her. I'm sick of putting in efforts to cook. I'm sick of using words like "chew and swallow" more than the number of grains of rice in her bowl, I'm sick of crying at every meal.

Days are only happy when we are out whole day and she happily starves.

Is this life? IS THIS LIFE???????????!!!!!!!!!

Updated @ 10.15pm:
As frustrated as I was with more waiting than feeding her, I tried not to raise my voice. It's not easy: the energy builds up, and then breaks down into tears and a migraine.

AN is 'happly' when I do not shout at her. She walks abt singing and humming, takes out toys to play with them, come over to hug and kiss me (she only does tt without being requested to when I'm upset). As she hugs me, she'll ask: "Mummy not angry anymore?" and smile at me whatever my answer is.

After 2 hours (she stopped eating after 1 hour and spent the next hr chewing her food), Mr Liow called. We talked, I blew up and then gave up feeding her.

As I had my dinner, she danced around me and wanted to have what I ate. It was spicy, so I made the same thing for her, minus the chilli.

She ate a little and asked to have brocolli (which I also made, thank God!). She had some brocolli, then asked for cheese. After taking a few bites, while watching me prepare sandwich for zoo, asked to have ham. I gave her ham and she stopped after a few bites too. Then she saw me pack M&Ms, Gold Fish, Gold Fish-Chocolate and baby biscuit. For the next hour, she asked for them one after another.

It was almost 10pm by then so I did not give her more food. Moreover I was already feeling nausea after finishing her portion of noodles, brocolli, cheese and ham immediately after my own dinner. She asks for things but almost never finishes them. I'd rather she ask for food though, however rare that may be.

I'm so tired. Really tired. Am thankful we do not stay in a high rise building now. I don't know where I will be.