WARNING: LONG AND NEGATIVE POST. SKIP IF YOU DO NOT WISH TO BE AFFECTED.
I need help because of this stupid pregnancy symptoms that make me sick each day. I need more help than before. Who wouldn't hope to rest a little more when sick?
Of all times, MR Liow also fell sick, and when he almost recovered from his last ailment (the 'Cough'), he spent his few hours at home after work playing his computer games. And the very next day, the slip disc came.
3 weeks ago, he was on afternoon shift. To make things easier for me, he cooked 3 out of 5 days. While he cooked, I did the other housework (bath AN, clean the irobot, clean Baileys/ Maen, took trash out etc). Yes he did try.
That was before he was bedridden.
I got increasingly tired, physically, emotionally and mentally as day went by.
We were supposed to see the gynae on 10th Mar (Wed, yesterday) and he said he wanted to go with me to see the baby and help with AN. Fine. He chose the date and time the last time we went to see Dr Rachel.
Then on Monday (8th Mar), he started making calls and preparations to go back to work. I overheard him on the phone. He did not exactly tell me that he would not be going to the gynae with me.
I no longer hold any expectations when things collide with work. I no longer expect him to come home in time to have dinner with us. By 7pm, I would go ahead and have dinner with AN, whether or not he's home. He said he wanted to be around to see the baby and the date was to his convenience. But in the midst of preparing for things to happen at work, he had no decency to inform me about the gynae appointment, whether he will be going with us, whether I should go without him, whether he wanted me to change the date. No mention of it.
Finally, I asked him on Tuesday what his plan would be for Wednesday (yesterday). He then mentioned that he had to go back to the office for important things and suggest I call in the ask if we could see the doctor in the next few hours. I think this is a ridiculous request (firstly, if we had to make appointments to see the gynae, what makes him think we can get an appointment on that very day, in the next few hours?). Moreover I never liked to talk to anyone on the phone here. Reception is lousy and I have problems understanding them on the phone sometimes (and vice versa). I told him I'd go ahead and bring AN to see Dr Rachel on Wednesday without him (and I was upset. He could tell.)
So, he got irritated and commented: "I'll call them up to change the appointment date. Always when I ask you to call, you don't want to." HELLO, WHO WAS THE ONE WHO CHANGED HIS MIND?????? As expected, the change of date to the same day was not possible. The next available date would be a week later on the 17th March. HOW ON EARTH AM I SUPPOSED TO CALL AND TELL THEM WHICH DAY MY HUSBAND WILL BE ABLE TO MAKE IT AFTER THEY TELL ME I COULD NOT SEE DR RACHEL ON TUESDAY?I WILL HAVE TO ASK HIM AND HE WILL HV TO CHECK HIS OWN SCHEDULE, ISN'T IT?
So, the date got changed.
I told him that I was really tired and hopes he recovers soon so that I can get some help. He then replied: "Do you think I like to be sick?" He thought I was blaming him. I was telling him that I really needed help.
He went back to work on yesterday, came back and continued to be busy with calls. He did call back in the afternoon yesterday to ask how I was doing. Afternoon was bad coz AN took 1.5 hours to eat enough for lunch.
When he came home, instead of asking about things, he started complaining about how a counterpart refuses to allow the guys to further their studies and not give proper explanations. That's depriving them of going further in their career and future. As much as I agree and feel with him, I waited for him to ask about me. Nothing.
He felt something was wrong and asked me what was going on. After taking a while to form my thoughts, I told him that I felt alone in this pregnancy, as if it was my own business and none of his.
He got upset and defended himself saying that he did try. He reminded me that he cooked 3 weeks ago, that he helped feed AN. He admitted that it was his mistake to play games on one occassion but went further to remind me that I have to see things he did to help and not only focus on days that he did not. He had no control over what had to happen on Wed...blah blah blah.
I had nothing else to day.
He wanted to know what was wrong, I told him what I felt. I NEEDED HELP!!!! OUT OF THE MANY MANY MANY THINGS THAT I SAID, THE THING I REPEATED MOST WAS: "I NEEDED HELP!"
I feel sick, I feel tired, there are days I feel like throwing up, when the head hurts so bad, when I do not feel like leaving the bed at all. But I cannot. I have to get up to feed AN, to prepare lunch for her, feed her, entertain her, teach her, prepare dinner for everyone else, clean the house where and when necessary. I cannot rest.
I needed concern, at least concern, if not help. Maybe a hug works just as nice?
I did not get enough. I must have expected too much. He said he did his best but I did not appreciate his efforts.
Yes, it was my fault.
I should not expect too much. He tried to help, I should be appreciative. I cannot expect him to show me more concern, I cannot expect him to help me with more housework, or give me massages when my back hurt.
I did not expect him to say sorry. I just wanted him to know that I need more concern, and if possible, some rest when he can be around. That was all. Simply that.
He heard me blaming him, got all defensive and heard none of what I meant to tell him.
Under normal circumstances, I would have expected less.
This stupid hormonal changes are bad. BAD BAD BAD!
But it's my problem. My own problem. I just have to learn to deal with it. He said sorry. It's no fault of his anymore.
From now on, I will be responsible for my own emotional, physical and mental ups and downs of this pregnancy. From now on, I will no longer let him know how I feel. I change to suit the environment. I have done so, I can do it for this one. I can do it all by myself.
On a side note, AN was super sweet to me. We couldn't reach an understanding and I broke down. AN kept asking me why I cried and asked Mr Liow to "say sorry to mummy.".
She asked me: "Mummy cry because papa shouted at mummy?", "Papa make mummy angry?", "Papa naughty again?"
She's an angel, always been one especially when I cry. She's not the only one. I find comfort in Baileys and Maen too...great comfort. There is something in them that soothes the emotions and calms the nerves that no one has been able to provide.
If ever I can choose to do everything again, I probably will not get married and spend my time helping dogs that need help. Maybe when the kids are all grown up and BM are no longer around, I can spend some time helping the homeless animals.
If you do not know what unconditional love looks like, look at what these animals have to offer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Something's making me feel upset.I need help because of this stupid pregnancy symptoms that make me sick each day. I need more help than before. Who wouldn't hope to rest a little more when sick?
Of all times, MR Liow also fell sick, and when he almost recovered from his last ailment (the 'Cough'), he spent his few hours at home after work playing his computer games. And the very next day, the slip disc came.
3 weeks ago, he was on afternoon shift. To make things easier for me, he cooked 3 out of 5 days. While he cooked, I did the other housework (bath AN, clean the irobot, clean Baileys/ Maen, took trash out etc). Yes he did try.
That was before he was bedridden.
I got increasingly tired, physically, emotionally and mentally as day went by.
We were supposed to see the gynae on 10th Mar (Wed, yesterday) and he said he wanted to go with me to see the baby and help with AN. Fine. He chose the date and time the last time we went to see Dr Rachel.
Then on Monday (8th Mar), he started making calls and preparations to go back to work. I overheard him on the phone. He did not exactly tell me that he would not be going to the gynae with me.
I no longer hold any expectations when things collide with work. I no longer expect him to come home in time to have dinner with us. By 7pm, I would go ahead and have dinner with AN, whether or not he's home. He said he wanted to be around to see the baby and the date was to his convenience. But in the midst of preparing for things to happen at work, he had no decency to inform me about the gynae appointment, whether he will be going with us, whether I should go without him, whether he wanted me to change the date. No mention of it.
Finally, I asked him on Tuesday what his plan would be for Wednesday (yesterday). He then mentioned that he had to go back to the office for important things and suggest I call in the ask if we could see the doctor in the next few hours. I think this is a ridiculous request (firstly, if we had to make appointments to see the gynae, what makes him think we can get an appointment on that very day, in the next few hours?). Moreover I never liked to talk to anyone on the phone here. Reception is lousy and I have problems understanding them on the phone sometimes (and vice versa). I told him I'd go ahead and bring AN to see Dr Rachel on Wednesday without him (and I was upset. He could tell.)
So, he got irritated and commented: "I'll call them up to change the appointment date. Always when I ask you to call, you don't want to." HELLO, WHO WAS THE ONE WHO CHANGED HIS MIND?????? As expected, the change of date to the same day was not possible. The next available date would be a week later on the 17th March. HOW ON EARTH AM I SUPPOSED TO CALL AND TELL THEM WHICH DAY MY HUSBAND WILL BE ABLE TO MAKE IT AFTER THEY TELL ME I COULD NOT SEE DR RACHEL ON TUESDAY?I WILL HAVE TO ASK HIM AND HE WILL HV TO CHECK HIS OWN SCHEDULE, ISN'T IT?
So, the date got changed.
I told him that I was really tired and hopes he recovers soon so that I can get some help. He then replied: "Do you think I like to be sick?" He thought I was blaming him. I was telling him that I really needed help.
He went back to work on yesterday, came back and continued to be busy with calls. He did call back in the afternoon yesterday to ask how I was doing. Afternoon was bad coz AN took 1.5 hours to eat enough for lunch.
When he came home, instead of asking about things, he started complaining about how a counterpart refuses to allow the guys to further their studies and not give proper explanations. That's depriving them of going further in their career and future. As much as I agree and feel with him, I waited for him to ask about me. Nothing.
He felt something was wrong and asked me what was going on. After taking a while to form my thoughts, I told him that I felt alone in this pregnancy, as if it was my own business and none of his.
He got upset and defended himself saying that he did try. He reminded me that he cooked 3 weeks ago, that he helped feed AN. He admitted that it was his mistake to play games on one occassion but went further to remind me that I have to see things he did to help and not only focus on days that he did not. He had no control over what had to happen on Wed...blah blah blah.
I had nothing else to day.
He wanted to know what was wrong, I told him what I felt. I NEEDED HELP!!!! OUT OF THE MANY MANY MANY THINGS THAT I SAID, THE THING I REPEATED MOST WAS: "I NEEDED HELP!"
I feel sick, I feel tired, there are days I feel like throwing up, when the head hurts so bad, when I do not feel like leaving the bed at all. But I cannot. I have to get up to feed AN, to prepare lunch for her, feed her, entertain her, teach her, prepare dinner for everyone else, clean the house where and when necessary. I cannot rest.
I needed concern, at least concern, if not help. Maybe a hug works just as nice?
I did not get enough. I must have expected too much. He said he did his best but I did not appreciate his efforts.
Yes, it was my fault.
I should not expect too much. He tried to help, I should be appreciative. I cannot expect him to show me more concern, I cannot expect him to help me with more housework, or give me massages when my back hurt.
I did not expect him to say sorry. I just wanted him to know that I need more concern, and if possible, some rest when he can be around. That was all. Simply that.
He heard me blaming him, got all defensive and heard none of what I meant to tell him.
Under normal circumstances, I would have expected less.
This stupid hormonal changes are bad. BAD BAD BAD!
But it's my problem. My own problem. I just have to learn to deal with it. He said sorry. It's no fault of his anymore.
From now on, I will be responsible for my own emotional, physical and mental ups and downs of this pregnancy. From now on, I will no longer let him know how I feel. I change to suit the environment. I have done so, I can do it for this one. I can do it all by myself.
On a side note, AN was super sweet to me. We couldn't reach an understanding and I broke down. AN kept asking me why I cried and asked Mr Liow to "say sorry to mummy.".
She asked me: "Mummy cry because papa shouted at mummy?", "Papa make mummy angry?", "Papa naughty again?"
She's an angel, always been one especially when I cry. She's not the only one. I find comfort in Baileys and Maen too...great comfort. There is something in them that soothes the emotions and calms the nerves that no one has been able to provide.
If ever I can choose to do everything again, I probably will not get married and spend my time helping dogs that need help. Maybe when the kids are all grown up and BM are no longer around, I can spend some time helping the homeless animals.
If you do not know what unconditional love looks like, look at what these animals have to offer.
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