Day 10: blessed 3rd birthday

Countdown: 4 days

It's hard to believe that my baby is now 3 years old. At this time last year (let's not take time difference into consideration here), I should be sleeping peacefully at Mount A hospital while Mr Liow was busy cleaning up the house in preparation for the arrival of the princess. He did not have good nights the week before AN arrived. My almost non-existent pregnancy symptoms (leg cramps, sleeplessness, braxton hicks etc) hit me one nights after another for that last week. And Mr Liow was sweet to wake up with me in the middle of the night to massage me or wait with me to see if the seeming stomach cramps were contractions or simply false alarms. I remember my mum always complaining that my dad asked her to wait till the morning when she felt contractions that meant I was on the way! Hehe. Thank God Mr Liow wasn't such a sleepy head, even though those few nights were false alarms.

I brought AN to Isabelle's house to play with the kids and didn't intend to let them know that it was AN's bday. Still, one topic led to the other and they got to know, so Isabelle secretly asked Shaun to buy a cake back on his way home after school. Poor Shaun had only enough money for the cake and none left for candles. Hahaha!

AN enjoyed herself for sure. She loves Kimberly and the more they met, the more AN loves to be with her. She even told me: "Gor got Issac will snatch toy from me but Kimberly will snatch back from him." I don't like all these snatching of course, but still emphasized that jie jie Kim takes good care of her.

Kim was in school when we reached and came home at about 3pm. The moment AN heard Kim's voice, she hurriedly dashed to meet her, running barefooted on stones and not feeling painful. And then for the next few hours, the girls were inseperable. I was even able to go to target for nearly an hour with Isabelle while AN stayed home with Kim.

We stayed for dinner at Isabelle's place and after that, her family had a little celebration for AN with the bday cake and song. AN was happy (she always is when she hears the bday song, even if it wasn't sang for her). Dinner was needless to say, fantastic. Each time I went for dinner, Isabelle would make Assam seafood coz she knew I loved sour and spicy stuff. And each time I smell her Assam before it was dinner time, I never fail to feel prematurly hungry.

AN had lots of rice with ikan bilis (Anchovies) too. Must have enjoyed dinner as much as I did!

Isabelle was so sweet. No only did she get Shaun to buy a cake for AN, she also asked if she could get something for AN's bday. Told her the cake was already very sweet gift, along with the company! And then she would never allow me to go near the sink to do a single dish or help out with anything at all. So, basically, each time we go, we get good food, good company, and need not do anything (not allowed to do 'work' in her 'territory').

It was dark when we left her home at 9pm and she was worried coz the roads in Tucson are not very well lighted at night. In fact, there are no road lamps over a many stretches of roads. I was, too. I tried driving behind Mr Liow's car once after dark and couldn't see very well then. This time I prayed as I drove and thank God we got home safely.

AN fell asleep soon after she got onto the car. She missed her nap and we kind of expected her to knock out anytime in the car. Before she drifted off, she was telling me that gor gor Issac was very rough and how nice jie jie Kimberly was. She said gor gor banged on the window and that was not vey nice, that it was bad. She talked and talked a little more before she went silent. She had so much to say. I'm sure she'll have more to tell me tomorrow.

She woke up once we reached home and was super cranky!! She didn't want to go home, started screaming and didn't allow me to take her out of the car. I carried her home by force and she continued screaming that she wanted to go "one more round" before coming home. I was ready to take her for another round in the car around our estate if she stopped screaming but she did not stop after I warned her 3 times. So the car ride request was not fulfilled. She continued screaming the next half hour for the "one more round". Got me upset with the loud screams and I blew my top and shouted at her to stop.

I felt so terrible... I had wanted her to be happy today and tried my best to do anything I hoped will make her happy but I do not wish to pamper her by allowing her to get her way through tantrums. U know, her screams are so loud and last so long they loosen my mental screws. I could have turned violent but thank God for self control.

She finally settled down after an hour when she saw me cry. My tears turn her into a kind and sympathetic angel each time and she would go get me papers to dry my tears, and put my glasses back onto my face after she dried my tears. Sigh... If only the whole episode didn't start.. After noticing that I wasn't crying that badly, she told me to touch her face, smiled and asked: "My face very dry hor? I dry my tears in the toilet just now."

My angel, and monster... All-in-one. Many times during her tantrums, I couldn't help thinking out loud that I am wasting my time and youth (whatever that's left of it) on her, but when she's her sweet self again, I'd feel terrible painful for thinking those thoughts.

I love my Adrielle and pray I will be able to love her the way she most deserves. I read quote on the road that day that says: "Childhood should never be painful." I am constantly reminding myself that I want her to remember being very happy as a child. Discipline has to be harsh, even if it's non-physical like time out, but I pray that somehow, methods I use will not give her painful memories when she looks back.