Day 18: more changes for my poor baby

She was aware I'm firm about reducing night nursing time and asked for all sorts of things to do before she goes to sleep. From 9pm, we went into the room. She asked for stories one after another, asked to do her 'homework' (some kumon workbooks that I got for her and she loved them: mazes, tracing, join the dots etc), asked for bread and then milk ..finally near midnight again this time, she felt sleepy.

There was less whining to suckle this time. I allowed her 10 secs on each side and let her count. She usually lets go before 10 secs is up. She sobbed a little after her '20 secs' and curled into my arms to rest. I sang her some songs, took about half hour and she was asleep. Not much fuss this time.

The first night of 'no mem mem' she couldn't sleep well. There were tantrum fits in the middle of her sleep (with her eyes shut...) and cries telling me: "I don't want to sleep by myself!".

Last night was fairly manageable. She woke up and dreamily pleaded for it. I gave but limited her to 10 secs each time. She would let me count, let go at 10, and then continue sleeping by herself. She still needs me by her side though. Will work on that after she's not too needy about nursing.

I'm happy to see that AN has all the attention she can get from my parents and bro. Take a little load off me at times when she's willing to leav my side. But when there are so many people around, it's hard to discipline her.

My mum is one big distraction. She nags when I discipline AN but when AN is rude to her, she grumpily scolds AN. When I'm pointing out AN's bad behaviour to her, mum will be interrupting at a side, asking AN to "look at what's on TV!" She thinks I need not be so strict with AN but then gets upset when AN misbEhaves.

Does she think well-behaved children fall from the sky?? She keeps comparing AN with my cousin's daughter when the girl was younger, how the girl would follow mum around and was well mannered. The last I met the girl, she was aloof and rude to her domestic helper. Each child goes through different stages of growing up, so I will not comment on how her parents discipline her. Moreover I am up to my neck disciplining mine now, it's no business of mine how others discipline theirs.

My point is, see a mistake, correct it on the spot. See a behaviour deserving of praise, praise her. Mum keeps distracting AN when I'm trying to correct her bad behaviour and keeps talking and talking when AN is in the midst of telling me something. It's no wonder AN is not very patient with her (AN goes: "I'm still talking!Keep quiet!", which sounded rude, so I have to correct her tone, and to which mum is obviously not aware of and continues talking to AN despite tension arising. Mum has poor SA.)

Told mum that kids probably enjoy their grandparents better if they do not stay together. Kids act up in front of people they are familiar with, most of the time, right? Mum thinks otherwise, and says she visits my cousin very often. How often? 3-4times a week? How does that compare to living together?

AN enjoyed my MIL's company whenever we met (on 2 separate days so far since coming back) but wasn't keen to let MIL help her with anything anyway. Different kids, different behaviour. Plus I've already noticed the trend that mum hasn't noticed and wouldn't acknowledge when I point it out to her.

So whenever AN is rude to her, she goes: "U want to go playground?" does that teach AN that her behaviour was rude? It doesn't link at all!! She only goes "yes!!" at the mention of the playground, and then continues to be rude again the next time.

Mr Liow and bro has plans to move in together in a bigger house for investment purposes. I have my reservations because I am unable to teach my children under the persistent interference from my mum. But I agree to the arrangement because I feel it's time I do my part as a daughter, to give them a better life now that it's possible, and we can take turns to care for my parents so my brother doesnt have to bear the whole load.

This conflict of disciplining is affecting me and I am trying to tolerate it till our Reno is done and we shift home. I will have nowhere to hide should the arrangement become reality.

I am confused...I want to take care of my parents but I want the freedom to be a mother to my kids as well. Now mum tries to dictate what I feed AN, how I discipline AN, where I bring AN, and what time AN sleeps or wakes up (coming into the room to check on AN and AN IS A LIGHT SLEEPER!!!!!)

I've talked to her about not interferring when AN is being disciplined and we've had some tensions since (thank God she's not in one of those walk-out-on-the-family moods lately). I hate it that when I'm already boiling from disciplining a misbehaving kid, and my mum has to add on to my temper by banging the door at me for disciplining my own child...

I can hide for as long as a year. After that, these issues will come back again. I pray for wisdom and even more patience now, to handle cranky kids and my aging mum...

Thank God my dad is a good listener. He listens, anD understands. I appreciate my dad for being a man of few words, with impressive patience (he can tolerate my mum for longer than bro and I before exploding). AN goes hug him on her own accord but not my mum, something that mum's ego is bruised over (coz most kids who visit, like mum better than my dad).

I pray for wisdom to handle these relationships, and I pray that the Lord will lead us in the right way. Given a choice, I don't want the profits from whatever investments the guys are planning for... I really just want peace and a happy family...