Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Hurting my baby

I fell onto AN who had only stopped crying awhile ago and I think I hit her pee area and she started crying all over again (that was when "what is wrong with you??" came into the picture). I am also wondering what is wrong with me. Clumsy, stupid, can not tell colours apart (can't differentiate blue from grey), always forgetting and losing things (obviously I'm not the only one but who am I to speak up?), does not like to talk to customer service over the phone, does not agree with what was supposed to be right and accurate, frequently appearing to have wierd thoughts on issues. Simply put, plain useless and wierd. Anyway, this 'forever in existence' issue is not the point here.

I was worried I might have permanently damaged something beyond the surface (I din know how hard I kicked her). I am worried I may affect her ability to conceive in future, afraid she may have difficulty peeing tomorrow, afraid I broke her pelvic bone, lots of fears.

My heart aches now as I recall her grabbing her front and crying. Why didn't I fall further away from her??

Really, how more useless can I get? What good am I?

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