First night in Fernvale

We have shifted back. Mr Liow has put everything together but coz we seriously have TOOOOOO much things, there are still stuff lying around.

Now that we are home again, I missed my parents. Hee. Sounds so wierd from a mummy of 2 now to still miss her own parents. As we were leaving their place a while ago, I felt like I did when leaving Tucson...it's sad that I happen to be a person who lives in the past...

I'm going to miss AN running to give my parents and bro goodnight and goodbye hugs and kisses. I'm going to miss listening to AN sing and dance for my parents, miss hearing her talk to my parents in mandarin and even a tiny bit of Hokkien now (I hope she'll continue to speak to them in these languages). I'm going to miss chatting with my parents even if we happen to have conflicting views. I'm going to miss having help with laundry (clothes and towels are constantly being washed and dried and real fast!). I'm going to miss most of all, simply having my parents sit at the same sofa I'm on... :(

Mum will be staying over at our place to help me out for the remaining of my confinement and dad will be dropping by everyday like he did before we left for Tucson. I'm still going to see them around but it won't be the same anymore...it's probably better: AN can be really rude to them sometimes. Probably the distance will help her apreciate my parents more?

I'm surprised that my mum who had always been nagging abt following strict confinement food rules and 'houserules' actually allows me to do what I want to do. I expected quarrels between us when she insists that I, for example, do not bath. But I did on my first day back home. She did nag abt it but then she did not scold me for doing it.

Mum's really trying her best to be of as much help as possible. She asks around for good confinement dish ideas, checks with friends and grocery store people about which food is good fir building my body up (I know coz she will share what she learnt with me), helps bath AN (who always makes my mum angry by screaming for me after her bath every time since before ER's birth), and she's learning to handle ER too (from changing diapers to bathing him). She has fears of hurting him and I can understand that since the last time she's ever handled a newborn was in 1989. She was much younger then, stronger and braver too.

I'm so thankful for her. There are so many times I speak to her very disrespectfully, especially these past few days because I'm constantly feeling sticky and I stink, and some things that she used to hold on to which most happened to be old wives' tales, I'd be very direct and tell her those stuff makes no sense. We could have ended up argueing (if AN spoke to me like that, I'd have to discipline her!). But I, as a mum, couldn't even use a proper tone when speaking to my mum. I really need to reflect. I don't want to take my mum for granted. I want her to feel appreciated! She's been tolerating my comments, my grumpiness and all. And I always forget to keep my own behaviour under control..

Mum has set up the kitchen for more cooking. With my mum around, my kitchen will always be neat and tidy. She's a good organizer of things and since the last time she re-orged my kitchen in Tucson, everything was placed at a more convenient position and I never changed their position again even though she reminded me to put them back where things used to be afte she and dad left Tucson.

Ohhh....this feels just like our wedding night now when I miss my mum (dad too, but mum more).

I pray I'll be able to show her more appreciation and help her feel more confident (she always says she can't do this and that anymore).

AN is now sleeping with Mr Liow in her own room. Mr Liow too had been of so much help by taking AN away so I van rest and handle ER in peace.

AN is starting to show defiance now. Still a sweet sister who is willing to share toys and shower kisses but she's also trying to test how much we can tolerate her behaviour. She'll kick and laugh dangerously near to ER, asks for mem mem all the time now and keeps asking if ER is nt sucking anymore so that she can have her turn etc. And she seems to have grown up overnight! No more "yes mum". She'll choose to do exactly opposite of what we ask, and refuseS to obey even if she's promised. And she has all the excuses ready to retaliate our requests/instructions! She's also monkeying around very much more now! Even when we start to show our displeasure, she will continue with it. She seems to be losing the sensitive spirit that she has in her..sadly so! I pray this is happening only during this period of adjustment and that she will not lose this precious side of her that I love so much! I pray we will learn to discipline her the right way when she misbehaves so that she will not think that we love her any lesser now, and kill the sweet little behaviours she used to have.

This is really a good time for us all to train and build up our patience. Even my mum is starting to lose it with AN).

ER cried quite a lot after everyone left, before he finally stopped slIghtly past midnight. He suckled more than past few days, cried and spit out milk quite often, and then continued sucking. We were worried he'd be colicky but thank God he fell asleep soon after I left jie jie's room with him. I think he's disturbed by jie jie's cries one mmoment and loud laughter the very next.

He just fidgeted and started rooting at abt 5am and since I couldn't really sleep, I nursed him before he starts screaming. He sleeps rather well at night. Has been, this far.

Such eventful first night in Fernvale...I hv abt an hr to continue resting before we have to wake up. It's ER's first checkup after discharge. We pray his jaundice level is under control so he doesn't need to be warded like AN did.