Leading by Example

My SIL is shifting and left her kids with us over the weekend.

The girls are older now. So different, and sensible. I find it a pleasure chatting with the older niece in fact. It's AN who had to be taught manner while playing with the girls. :(

Baileys and Maen loves them and at the girls' age now, I feel safe allowing them to interact under no supervision from me. I noticed hw the elder niece gives them belly rubs instead of chase them around the house like she used to when she was younger. Amazing how kids grow..

With Mr Liow's mum and the girls over, the house was livelier over this holiday. And I actually forgot to feed the furkids. The elder niece reminded me. But she accidentally added: "Popo (Mr Liow's mum) said she's not going too feed the dogs because you own them, you feed them." That reminded me, about how MY own mum NEVER failed to feed them when we stayed at their place for 3 mths after we came back. It's ok that MIL doesn't feed them. I don't expect her to. She is right, my dogs, my responsibilities. But imagine her telling the kid that. Teaching selfishness?

When they came over on Fri, she couldn't find some ingredients that the helper was supposed to have packed for her. she got very angry and started calling the helper "stupid" and blamed her for not putting the stuff in Mr Liow's car. The elder niece actually commented: "Poor M is going to get it again." The helper didn't come coz she was busy helping Mr Liow's sis pack, shift and clean the new house. IMO, pack your own stuff and stop blaming the helper for everything that went wrong! And don't bring your anger and rudeness into MY house! The poor helper must be up to her neck with the shift. Can't one do this little thing of packing by herself? By the way, I found what she thought the helper forgot. It was on the table! She just didn't see it...poor helper got scolded by her for nothing and I doubt she'll apologise to her.

We thought SIL wanted the kids home ytd, so we took them out before bringing them home. ER needed a diaper change and the odour from the trash in the babyroom was horribly strong. Mil was with me and she kept commenting on the odour. She got increasingly irritated as I changed ER. After I was done, we made our way to customer service to inform them so they could get a cleaner to empty the trash. The odour was indeed unbearable. The CS staff noted and started dialling (for housekeeping dept I guess) when MIL walked over and very agitatedly raised her voice at the girl saying in mandarin: "This is so unhygienic. It really stinks in there!" I was shocked, the girl was shocked. She didn't have to scold the poor girl. She sees nothing wrong in scolding anyone, and I mean anyone who doesn't agree with her.

From the shopping mall, MIL and kids said they knew their way home. On the way out of the carpark, the older niece made a mistake of suggesting a wrong direction and that took us on a much longer way to their new place. Mr Liow's mum got very frustrated and started commenting that Mr Liow should have turned right instead of left and kept repeating that the short distance had become so much longer.

Mr Liow got irritated with her endless blaming while he drove and reminded her that he didn't know the way coz he had never been to the new place. She then blamed the older girl for giving wrong directions. The younger one said what grandma said earlier: "should turn right, not left " and got told off by the grandma: "if you knew, say it earlier, it is too late now."

Precisely. If she herself knew the way like she said, she should have corrected the older niece right on the spot, not tell the older girl off after the mistake.

The thing was, no one else in the car was frustrated with the extra distance. She was the only one pointing one finger at the niece, and the other at Mr Liow for taking a longer way.

At my SIL's hm, MIL started making insensitive comments and getting touchy yet again, worrying about where she'd be sleeping coz reno is still on-going. SIL assured her that by that night (we went yesterday), the bedroom will be ready for sure. MIL then went around inspecting the house and questioning why works in kitchen is not completed, why this why that. SIL repeated countless times that the workers are rushing works at the rooms first so that everyone could sleep in peace soonest.

If my mum was this insensitive during our reno, I'd have blown up. At this point, I'm just reminded further how selfless my parents had been. They were in no hurry for us to shift out of their home and if they saw something that didn't look right, they helped us, not nag at us to make it right! She's just adding unnecessary stress to SIL...I could sense stress just by being IN the house, more so with those senseless comments and requests...

Mr Liow noticed that the rooms would probably not be ready that same night and asked his sis where her girls would have to sleep. SIL had no idea too and Mr Liow asked her why she didn't want the kids to stay one more night with us. She said MIL wanted them to go hm to her. She said her mum didn't want to trouble us. What trouble could there be (if MIL helps out a little with the extra housework? But no, she's a tai tai.)? We assured SIL that the girls were very well behaved and frankly, I enjoyed having the girls. I think Mr Liow too.

Is there a need to be so selfish, to decide for herself that we will not take the girls in just because she doesn't think we should or would. Ask us, don't decide for us and cause a possible misunderstanding between Mr Liow and his sis who may think we are that heartless to not help her when she needs our help.

She wonders aloud why the elder niece is so short tempered and calculative, then concludes that she's "mean, like her mum.". I've seen enough of her own short-temperedness, just these 3 days alone and for the past decade. We rarely see SIL losing her cool. MIL always says that she knows her own daughter better than Mr Liow knows his sis, that she's rotten to the core (when they quarrel) etc. We see a less than perfect side of her but rotten to the core? How rotten can she be if she makes plans for her kids' future, makes efforts to reserve speaking meanly to her mum when we are around, when she brings her mum with her on some of her holiday trips etc? I don't know my SIL well enough seriously.

Updated: Before I even finished writing this, MIL came back to our place after returning to his sis' place. She came armed with luggage and all. SIL had enough, as I will if I were her. And they got into an argument.

MIL started complaining about SIL the moment she arrived, hoping to get my agreement about what the quarrel was about. I do not agree with her at all frankly, with the rush in reno, purchasing of home accessories and work, the last SIL needs is MIL's ranting and picking on minor overlooks. I kept quiet coz Mr Liow will do the talking after a wedding dinner.

Guess what? She listened to nothing he said, insisted that he sided with his sister, claims that both her kids are useless and decided to leave our home after screaming at the top of her voice at past midnight that she had useless kids! She's trying to inform the whole neighbourhood!

Mr Liow could still keep his cool and ask her to stay. He was just staying facts and not chasing her away but she kept repeating that both him and his sis are useless, at the top of her voice!

I wonder where he gets his patience from...he's never that patient with me when we argue. Now he's patiently receiving her accusations...

By the way, she ridiculously insisted she was never wrong to call the maid or kids stupid because they need to learn to deal with it in future when people give them a hard time. Just weeks ago, she quarrellled with her own sis coz the sis commented that sgporeans are stupid. Just a sentence and she flared up.

I think Mr Liow's mum has many problems.. she has the rights to stepon the world but takes no criticism. Ci xi reincarnate.

With this happening, all the more I appreciate my own mum. We argued but my mum never raises her voice. She went out to cool off but never called me nasty names.

I gave my parents nothing but they never complained. Mil has so much but shouts to the world that SIL doesn't give enough.

I've run out of respect for her. Totally no more left.