AN sick for a month now

Just as we were hopeful for the trip (AN's cough and stuffy nose got better and all that we needed to tackle was her ear infection), she had an allergic reaction to Amoxicillin, the antibiotics that she had to be on till she finished the whole course.

It happened on Tuesday, barely 3 days into our 8 days vacation. We took her to the hospital after the hives spread throughout her ENTIRE body (including her face, feet and palms, and bottoms..every inch). She was still active and playful but itchy, so we still managed to bring her to 2.5 'Worlds' and she recovered gradually as days went by. More details later.

And then this morning, she started throwing up. We thought it was Mr Liow who played too rough with her, causing her to regurgitate. But then she started throwing up more and more, so we took her to Dr Bean again.

He thinks it's stomach flu (poor AN!!! She's been continuously sick for almost a month now, or maybe even more...) and said it's been an epidemic in Florida and California, especially where crowds are, like Disney! Oh my goodness... He asked if any of us had any symptoms and Mr Liow did. He had runny stools from morning. I was wondering if I gave her any food that's spoilt last night, before Dr Bean said it is more likely a case of stomach flu (because I'm ok and I ate exactly what AN ate).

So, poor AN vomited more than 10 times since she woke up (for the past 4 hours). Dr Bean prescribed a suppository medication (to be pushed into her anus) to stop the vomiting. It's supposed to also cause drowsiness, which he said will do her good.

Thank God AN did not put up a struggle when we attempted to push the 'foreigner' into her bottom. In fact I lied (no, we make it a point never to lie to her but it's different this time) that it would make her more comfy to air her bottom and her being tired out from all the throwing up, believed me. Mr Liow then swiftly pushed it in as i laid her by her side. She did not even whine and the thing went in smoothly. Thank God!

I think the medication is taking effect now. She's thrown up just once, soon after the application but is now sleeping soundly.

Thank God.

Please pray with us that AN will be strong and well after this episodes of outbreak, one after another. We are thankful that AN has always been a healthy girl and hardly falls sick. Yet precisely because she hardly falls sick, it worries us terribly when she now does! I can hardly focus on anything else now other than her. Please pray that anything urgent that requires my attention will....be resolved, one way or another.

Updated @ 16:24pm
I forgot to add that the suppository that AN was prescribed was out at the 1st 2 pharmacies that we went to! Put us into a panic... Mr Liow dropped the prescription at the 3rd pharmacy which had only 3 of that left (and 3 were as prescribed by the Dr!! Thank God!) The pharmacist said the same about an outbreak and that many pharmacies have run out of ..... (I've not really looked at the label and doesn't yet know what was prescribed).

AN has thrown up only once since 3pm. She had been sleeping since noon. I'm worried about dehydration coz she had less than 4oz of water since morning and she's supposed to have 32oz to make up for the loss of water through vomiting. Dr expects her to have diarrhea from tomorrow for the next 5-7 days. Diarrhea doesn't seem to bother her yet. We're praying that the Lord be merciful to her and not let diarrhea happen.

As expected, vomiting seems to have ceased. Will probably pop another bullet into her bottom at 9pm (8hrs from 1st dose) to ensure the vomiting does not return. Praying that AN will be well soon.

To end, I'd like to note something that AN had been reminding me:
Each time she sees cross-like patterns (be it the intersection between 2 tiles on the ground or some poles), she'd go: "Mummy, it's a cross. Jesus died for us on the cross. I'm thankful for this constant reminder and prays that in time to come, she will fully comprehend what it really means to be saved.

Today's the Day

Mr Liow and AN have just taken Baileys and Maen to Camalot. The furkids were so excited they were kept jumping around. -_______-" And AN got really irritated coz they kept getting in her way as she put on her shoes.

[It's of no relation to this topic but I just want to note this somewhere: When I came down from upstairs, Maen came over to greet me. I spoke to Mr Liow and walked about. Baileys was gazing out of the window but did not came over to say hi to me. I called him several times before he responded and when he saw me, he was happy as usual with his 'helicopter-rotor-like' tail wagging. It was as if he did not know I came down!

I wondered why he did not come over right away and did not respond when I called till seconds later. Was he not paying attention, was there something wrong with his hearing, or is it simply that he's old already and less responsive? Oh no...they are only 5 years old and I'm starting to worry about aging symptoms already :( ]

Ok, back to main topic, AN is excited and has requested to bring Minnie Mouse with her. She's recovered already (I believe). It's been 2 nights with peaceful rest (not a single cough) but she did coughed a little during the day. It was not those explosive type of cough, more like a cough to clear her throat (although she liked how she sounded when there's phlegm in there..this cheeky girl..starts to make all sorts of gurgling noises with the phlegm in her throat and then giggles at the effect.).

Weather doesn't seem too cold now, which is GOOD! Coz then we do not have to bring those bulky jackets and get more space in the luggage.

Ok, I need to go wash my hair now. Will probably update in a week's time if there's no internet connection where we will be.

Now AN is driving me crazy (updated: when she's tired)

She behaves like she doesn't hear me when I call. After calling out to her millions of times, I have to resort to shouting to make her hear me (is she deaf or what?????). When she hears me shouting, sometimes she shouts back.

When I tell her to do something or not to do it, she will do it the opposite of what I want.

When I tell her to wait, she will get into a fit.

It's like terrible two repeating itself, expect that then, she probably didn't understand and now she does!! She seems to enjoy the freedom of choice, that she can choose to disobey.

And what's worse is, I have no patience whatsoever left. I no longer have the patience to nag gently at her till she decides to hear my voice.

Seriously, when will I go mental?

Updated @ 7pm:
To be fair to AN, she mostly acts up when she's tired. When she has enough rest and is not too hungry, she is not as bad as described above. Sigh.... Bad mummy me. I really should have more patience with her. She fell asleep as I applied moisturiser on her (after a tantrum) before I even laid down with her. It's been 3 hours of nap and she has not moved (but she is alive. I checked her breathing. hehe). If she continues sleeping like this, she will have to sleep late tonight.

I need patience, I need patience, I need patience....

2 more days to Disney World

We'll be leaving for Florida on Saturday and I had been praying AN will recover on time so that she will enjoy herself when we visit her favourite characters. She has already informed me that she wants me to carry her so that she can say "hi" to Mickey and Minnie.

After the puking episode last night (since the last I updated), everything had been peaceful. I've not heard her cough at all as she slept, thank God!!

Offered her hot water this morning only to have her tell me: "Mummy, I'm ok now. I don't need hot hot water anymore." Oh yeah, right. She's good at reasoning now, isn't she? But when she started coughing soon after milk, she asked for her favourite cough syrup saying: "Adrielle needs to take medicine because Adrielle is coughing."

So she does know what is good for her afterall, like hot water and medicine (whether she will take them without putting up a fight is a totally different story).

She looked much better today and had been a sweet baby so far. I think she's sweet when she takes initiative to hug me.

The most tired person in the house has to be Mr Liow. He's on afternoon shift this week but had been waking up early (having only 4 hours of sleep or less) because of the doctor and gynae visit, and waking up every now and then whenever AN coughed the past few nights.

He found a buyer for his car and is now out settling the necessary documents. After that, he's going to have to bring the car for a thorough cleaning before handing it over tomorrow. And he brought AN with him so that I can cook in peace.

I can't say how thankful I am to have his help this past week. I recognise help when I get help, even more so now that he can reasonably sleep in later (coz of his afternoon shift) or not suggest he bring AN with me (so that he can settle the car stuff in peace).

In the past, whenever he was worked late, he would wake up late, probably just in time for lunch, rest a little more before leaving for work again. It was lots of adjustments and I was not too happy that he was either (i)Always sleeping coz he was always tired, or (ii)Always on the computer during his waking moments, or (iii)Always coming back late when he was on morning shift and wouldn't call back to let me know if he would be back very late.

The adjustment period is over and I was better able to cope (or should I say, I gave up expecting too much). I gave up waiting for him to wake up early enough so that we can talk a little more with each other, I gave up waiting for him to finish his game coz I can also watch my TV since he did not appear interested enough to spend quality time with us, and I would have dinner with AN first, or bring her to bed if he still was not home. Didn't even bother to call to ask anymore..It felt so distant, but so?

But this time, I see him putting away those habits, some at his own expense (like having very little sleep because he wants to help me out). I appreciate those gestures, I really really do. I appreciate him calling to let me know when he was on his way back (if late, I could still have dinner with AN first), and more so that he's playing games much lesser now (only when AN is asleep) coz I seriously think it's important he spends quality time with her, which he is now.

Dear, I don't know when you will read have a chance to read this but when you do, please know that your efforts have not gone unnoticed. Thanks for being around this week. It has been a tiring week, and the next week will not be any less tiring coz we should be rushing around trying to finish touring and enjoying the 'Worlds'. Was that why you commented yesterday that tours are always tiring because we never get to rest and you missed the first one and only time we got to rest on a tour in Korea when we sat at the lobby to chat with fellow tourmates?

I think I am feeling much better now. I can take back the load so you can have some time for yourself again.

Thanks for bring AN out so that I can type this, and I'm going back to make onion eggs now. hehe.

AN smells of her dinner

From the time we came upstairs at about 9.30pm till now (11.35pm), AN had coughed so hard she regurgitated part of her dinner at least 5 times!

The first 2 times were before she fell asleep and the following occurred after. The most recent time the soupy remnants came out, she was so fast asleep that when I switched the lights on to see how bad the mess was, I saw her whole face was covered with sticky transparent stuff with brocolli bits (something from dinner). I wiped her again and again to try get rid of the smell but she still stinks of her dinner. All the while as I was cleaning her, she was fast asleep. Oh, and some of her puke went into her nose which, try as I may, was not able to get everything out.

I wish I can bathe her now. I feel as if I'm sleeping next to a pot of spilled chicken noodles soup and each time she starts coughing now, I keep my finger crossed it willl not be so bad that more yucky stuff exits.

Wonder what I did wrong. Was it the chicken (which my mum always says that chicken worsens cough), sweetcorn, broccoli, noodles, peanut butter or bread (which she had for supper)?

She's still getting honey water which she's starting to enjoy now. She thought it tasted like medicine yesterday. And she's starting to like how her homeopathic cough syrup tastes too (I actually think it tastes like very very thin honey water).

She asked that I feed her the "sweet sweet medicine" and even remembered to carry it up with her when it was time for bed. Too bad though, that she keep coughing out what has yet to be digested so it was almost pointless to medicate her.

I pray she'll be able to sleep well from now on. She was better last night and I thought it will be even better tonight. What did I do to worsen her cough again?

Sigh... I think I prefer a blocked nose to a cough after this experience. I can at least make her feel more comfy by holding her upright as we sleep. I quite enjoying carrying her to sleep. But I can't do anything to help her feel better when she coughs. :(

Dear Lord, I know kids have to fall sick so they get stronger the next time. Maybe we can have that in installments instead of having the viruses come all at once? Hehe.

Yawn.... So sleepy now but I dare not close my eyes.

About medicine and ear infection

Just so I never forget how it is different with the medical system here and back in Sgp, I better note this down.

In June 2008, we got the Infant formula of Tylenol from Walmart as recommended by the doctor we brought AN to at Urgent Care. According to Dr Bean (which was also what I read online), manufacturers of such medicines were instructed to take products for children under 6 off the shelves because they have not actually done studies to prove these ingredients work as they should on young children. So that was why Mr Liow wasn't able to find anything for AN's cold few days back and had to get one for kids abv 6.

We showed Dr Bean what I had been giving AN last night and he said I could continue giving it to her if I want because the ingredients are completely safe (it's homeopathic) but he wasn't sure how effective that will be. He suggested giving herbal tea, or any tea that's decaf or super diluted at the very least, mixed with honey. Honey has healing properties that soothes the itchy throat. He also mentioned Ginger being a good relief. Food intake is not of utmost importance now. Hydration is. He suggested we feed her soupy food so as to keep her hydrated, and humidify the room so that the dry air does not cause more discomfort to AN and make her cough.

So, for dinner, I made AN super soupy scallop porridge with brocolli. I threw in 3 thin slices of Ginger and stirred in a teaspoonful of honey. She did not eat much, but I wasn't expecting too much.

Seems like the honey & ginger worked! Much better than having to wake up every 20 mins to feed her the cold relief (which I doubted worked coz AN still coughed badly last night).

Dr Bean prescribed antibiotics for AN's ear infection and with Mr liow's help, she had her first dose. I wondered how I was supposed to feed her the second dose for today given that AN was super resistent to taking medicine and the amount she was supposed to take was 5mls (2 times more than the Tylenol we fed her he day before and 10 times more than her homeopathic cold relief last night).

The pharmacist said no to diluting when I asked if I could put the antibiotics in her food or something. But then the detailed information suggests we can put the dose in milk or formula!

So, I did. I put 5 mls of it in her milk and she did not even realise it tasted different! If I read that earlier, we could have saved AN of the terrifying moment of making her take nasty tasting medicine this afternoon.

The milk must have made her cough coz she did soon after she finished her milk. I made honey water for her but she didn't like it. She frowned at me and said: "mummy put medicine in my water!" But as much as she did not like the honey water, she would more readily sip it (than take medicine) when I insisted she did whenever she started coughing.

It's been almost an hour since she fell asleep and hasn't coughed yet. Thank God!

And about her ear infection, I was surprised I didn't know she had that! I see her everyday and she tells me everything. She mentioned nothing about ear discomfort. Only during dinner a while ago did I notice a red patch behind her ears and she was constantly scratching at it. I hope it's as mild as Dr Bean said. Even the outside of the ear looked so 'inflammed' I dare not imagine whAt it looks like inside.

Now what we know how to feed AN her antibiotics fuss-free, I hope the infection will recover soon.

Cold + Mild Ear Infection

Dr Bean saw AN this morning without an appointment. There happened to be just one empty slot and we were just 3 patients away. Thank God for that! It's the second time we've been to the clinic and the positive impression remains.

Like the previous time, AN wasn't terrified of Dr Bean and did as he asked ( got her weight taken, opened her mouth for him to check her throat, sat still while he checked her ears etc)

Dr Bean then mentioned that AN was having a cold and a slight fever due to a mild infection in her right ear. The infection was as a result of her blocked nose which caused fluids to build up in her ear canal, allowing bacteria to breed and thus the infection.

He was really patient while explaining AN's problem to us and even made AN giggle when he said: "say 'quack quack' to Donald Duck for me when you meet him next week".

We got her antibiotics from the pharmacy after that, went home for a quick lunch and then tried to give her he medicine. It was a struggle! She spat them out twice and took it in the 3rd time coz I ignored her. She didn't like it when I ignored her, so unwillingly swallowed the medicine. She has to have that twice a day. It's going to be a challenge for the next 10 days.

Mr Liow didn't have a good night's rest coz of AN's coughing whole of last night. He woke up early at 7am this morning to bring the wide awake AN downstairs so that I could rest for a while more. I didn't think I slept for more than 30mins each time before waking up to comfort AN.

Poor Mr Liow is on afternoon shift today. He got really tired by 2pm but had to leave for work. It'll be at least 12 more hours before he'll be able to come home to rest. Pray that he will be able to concentrate at work and as he travels to and from work.

Pray that AN will recover soon. I'm making soupy scallop porridge with brocolli for her dinner. Pray she'll be able to take in some later. Dr said it's more impt that we keep her hydrated now.

Poor AN

An's cough had just gotten worse about 3.5hrs ago. From 5pm, she started coughing almost non stop. She was still active and cheerful, and video-conferencing with my parents, dancing for them as she coughed. I think it tired her out more as time went by and when it was time dot dinner, her cough got so strong and bad her food came back out twice. Poor AN... She was not refusing dinner but her cough would not allow her to swallow... :(

Thank God I found a bottle of herbal cough mixture from drugstore.com that I bought months earlier. They no longer sell Tylenol for toddlers her age over the counter and we bought her something for older kids (from age 6) and fed her 1/3 of that recommended dosage. I was not very at ease with feeding her that but I will do anything to make her feel more comfortable. After reading about these Cold syrups sold over the counters possibly causing side effecs to kids below 6, I started ransacking the cabinets for miracles... and Thank God I found that forgotten bottle of temporary cold relief. It's all made up of herbal and natural ingredients (flowers and roots) and suitable for babies from 4 months!

I know many of you will wonder why I 'self medicate' her. I do not wish to but the doctors here usually end up 'recommending' over the counter medications after the consultation. When we first came and AN had fever in June 2008, the doctor we took her to said we could get Tylenol from Walmart for her. Just those few words! Our first cultural shock. Unlike doctors in Sgp, unless you seriously need something that's not sold over the counter, they do not prescribe.

AN wanted to suckle for comfort. The poor baby has gotten so traumatized by the coughing (so bad she couldn't even finish saying "I want mem mem") and had to tap on my chest to tell me she wanted to suckle. But there was no way she could suckle with all the coughing.

I've fed her the 3rd dose so far (20mins apart). She did manage to fall asleep after the 2nd dose (not because this cause drowsiness but coz she is seriously tired) but woke up abt 20 mine later coz the coughing spell came back.

We will be bringing her to see Dr Bean tomorrow in case there's something more than just a cold she's having.

Credits to Mr Liow

Friday
Mr Liow called home to say that he would bring us out for dinner. Fine with me since I was tired of cooking anyway (having been stranded at home every single day for weeks and having to rack my brains to think of what to cook each day). Dinner was nice and Mr Liow was nice. AN was well behaved too, so she got compliments from fellow diners who got ready to leave (we took a long time to eat coz AN is a slow eater). One thing we really appreciate about the Americans is that they are really generous with praises, even if we've never met!

Saturday
Mr Liow took me to a Vietnamese restaurant which one of the wife here recommended. We entered, expecting to find tasty food but was terribly, terrible disappointed! My soupy noodles turned out looking like hospital food. Seriously, the thought of hospital food made me miss Mount Alvernia's food. I had been hospitalised 3 times there (including the time when I delivered AN) and I never failed to miss their food when I left. Even their porridge tasted good! Erm...Mr Liow was apologetic but it was not his fault. I was the one who told him about the recommendation.

Sunday
We had Dim Sum at Gee Garden for breakfast. Always liked the Dim Sum there. We came home to rest after that and when AN woke up a while ago from her nap, MR Liow took her out for grocery shopping so that I could make her dinner in peace.

AN is sick again, or should I say, she's still sick. She's been unwell since 3rd week of Feb, starting with runny nose. The mucus went away after a few days (that was when Mr Liow also fell sick) but she started coughing sometime last week, mostly only during the nights.

Suddenly in the afternoon yesterday (Sat), her nose started leaking again and she could neither nap nor sleep well. That was also the start of her coughing during the day as well.

She would wake up as often as every half hour to whine in discomfort or cough. There was once last night when Mr Liow had to carry her for a while because she couldn't be pacified. The rest of the night, to make her feel better, I carried her to sleep upright. It did make things a little easier for her.

Because she was not feeling well, she was also cranky. She couldn't eat well (you can expect her to eat even less now that she's sick), got upset over little things, threw tanthrums a lot.

She was a little warm to touch during naptime this afternoon and when we took her temperature, she measured 37.8 *C at her highest. We pray it will not get any higher. It's not easy getting her to take her medicines now coz she's strong enough to break free. We tried talking our way through to her, promising her an ice cube after she took her medicine by mouth. She did struggle a little but swallowed the medicine though unwilling.

I am really thankful that Mr Liow was around to help out with her these 3 days. He's been helping a lot, with feeding her, with disciplining her (I really have no patience left) and doing a lot on my behalf so that I could breath. I would have gone crazy if he was not around to help me.

Thanks dear for hearing me and these few days of taking over my duties. Really appreciate them.

Thanks for the encouragements

Just want to say thanks to those who dropped me messages of encouragement (M&M Ma, Serene, Sunflower and those who've been keeping me in prayers)

I'm feeling a little better today. It helps that AN behaves and is obedient. Mr Liow called back a while ago to ask me not to make dinner. So, we will be dining out. And he did remember to ask how my day was ... *applause* You know, just by being remembered cheered me up a WHOLE LOT!

Also, I think I found what's been causing my bad appetite and making me feel sick. It's just a suspicion though:

I'd been taking the prenatal vitamins and DHA with breakfast since I got them but I forgot and took them with lunch today. Soon after, any appetite for food was gone (not because I was full. It was like the thought of food suddenly made me sick and that never happens). I felt like throwing after a while, and since then, my saliva tasted weirdly bitter.

Maybe I should try taking them with my last meal of the day so that it will not affect my appetite and hopefully all the 'morning sickness' signs will disappear all together.

I ordered some essential oils from online and am waiting for them to arrive. I believe in the benefits of aromatherapy and hope they will help me relax and lift my moods a little. At this point, I think Lavender's safest. I can't say how much I love the scents of essential oils...quite excited just at the thought of it.

Friday

There is nothing that I'm looking forward to, just glad this week is almost over.

Mr Liow reached home at 6.15pm yesterday, an amazingly early time. Better to have him come home earlier than expected than promise and NOT deliver. This is a mental note for myself, to his benefit, in case I forget.

There are times AN does not behave and she's starting to shout a lot. I shout back. BAD. But frankly, I had nothing left inside me to patiently tell her what is right or wrong.

I've not gone physical with her as a form of discipline yet. I don't want to spank her out of anger like my MIL does with the 2 nieces.

To end, here's AN's request to type her own name: ADRIELLE

And here's the naughty girl who saw video clips of our trip at Pinetop, missed the snow and sledding, and then insisted I bring her sled downstairs for her to imagine she's playing on snow again.



That's Mr Liow, AN and Mini Mouse having tea on AN's makeshift table and seats last evening after dinner...

What it was about

WARNING: LONG AND NEGATIVE POST. SKIP IF YOU DO NOT WISH TO BE AFFECTED.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Something's making me feel upset.

I need help because of this stupid pregnancy symptoms that make me sick each day. I need more help than before. Who wouldn't hope to rest a little more when sick?

Of all times, MR Liow also fell sick, and when he almost recovered from his last ailment (the 'Cough'), he spent his few hours at home after work playing his computer games. And the very next day, the slip disc came.

3 weeks ago, he was on afternoon shift. To make things easier for me, he cooked 3 out of 5 days. While he cooked, I did the other housework (bath AN, clean the irobot, clean Baileys/ Maen, took trash out etc). Yes he did try.

That was before he was bedridden.

I got increasingly tired, physically, emotionally and mentally as day went by.

We were supposed to see the gynae on 10th Mar (Wed, yesterday) and he said he wanted to go with me to see the baby and help with AN. Fine. He chose the date and time the last time we went to see Dr Rachel.

Then on Monday (8th Mar), he started making calls and preparations to go back to work. I overheard him on the phone. He did not exactly tell me that he would not be going to the gynae with me.

I no longer hold any expectations when things collide with work. I no longer expect him to come home in time to have dinner with us. By 7pm, I would go ahead and have dinner with AN, whether or not he's home. He said he wanted to be around to see the baby and the date was to his convenience. But in the midst of preparing for things to happen at work, he had no decency to inform me about the gynae appointment, whether he will be going with us, whether I should go without him, whether he wanted me to change the date. No mention of it.

Finally, I asked him on Tuesday what his plan would be for Wednesday (yesterday). He then mentioned that he had to go back to the office for important things and suggest I call in the ask if we could see the doctor in the next few hours. I think this is a ridiculous request (firstly, if we had to make appointments to see the gynae, what makes him think we can get an appointment on that very day, in the next few hours?). Moreover I never liked to talk to anyone on the phone here. Reception is lousy and I have problems understanding them on the phone sometimes (and vice versa). I told him I'd go ahead and bring AN to see Dr Rachel on Wednesday without him (and I was upset. He could tell.)

So, he got irritated and commented: "I'll call them up to change the appointment date. Always when I ask you to call, you don't want to." HELLO, WHO WAS THE ONE WHO CHANGED HIS MIND?????? As expected, the change of date to the same day was not possible. The next available date would be a week later on the 17th March. HOW ON EARTH AM I SUPPOSED TO CALL AND TELL THEM WHICH DAY MY HUSBAND WILL BE ABLE TO MAKE IT AFTER THEY TELL ME I COULD NOT SEE DR RACHEL ON TUESDAY?I WILL HAVE TO ASK HIM AND HE WILL HV TO CHECK HIS OWN SCHEDULE, ISN'T IT?

So, the date got changed.

I told him that I was really tired and hopes he recovers soon so that I can get some help. He then replied: "Do you think I like to be sick?" He thought I was blaming him. I was telling him that I really needed help.

He went back to work on yesterday, came back and continued to be busy with calls. He did call back in the afternoon yesterday to ask how I was doing. Afternoon was bad coz AN took 1.5 hours to eat enough for lunch.

When he came home, instead of asking about things, he started complaining about how a counterpart refuses to allow the guys to further their studies and not give proper explanations. That's depriving them of going further in their career and future. As much as I agree and feel with him, I waited for him to ask about me. Nothing.

He felt something was wrong and asked me what was going on. After taking a while to form my thoughts, I told him that I felt alone in this pregnancy, as if it was my own business and none of his.

He got upset and defended himself saying that he did try. He reminded me that he cooked 3 weeks ago, that he helped feed AN. He admitted that it was his mistake to play games on one occassion but went further to remind me that I have to see things he did to help and not only focus on days that he did not. He had no control over what had to happen on Wed...blah blah blah.

I had nothing else to day.

He wanted to know what was wrong, I told him what I felt. I NEEDED HELP!!!! OUT OF THE MANY MANY MANY THINGS THAT I SAID, THE THING I REPEATED MOST WAS: "I NEEDED HELP!"

I feel sick, I feel tired, there are days I feel like throwing up, when the head hurts so bad, when I do not feel like leaving the bed at all. But I cannot. I have to get up to feed AN, to prepare lunch for her, feed her, entertain her, teach her, prepare dinner for everyone else, clean the house where and when necessary. I cannot rest.

I needed concern, at least concern, if not help. Maybe a hug works just as nice?

I did not get enough. I must have expected too much. He said he did his best but I did not appreciate his efforts.

Yes, it was my fault.

I should not expect too much. He tried to help, I should be appreciative. I cannot expect him to show me more concern, I cannot expect him to help me with more housework, or give me massages when my back hurt.

I did not expect him to say sorry. I just wanted him to know that I need more concern, and if possible, some rest when he can be around. That was all. Simply that.

He heard me blaming him, got all defensive and heard none of what I meant to tell him.

Under normal circumstances, I would have expected less.

This stupid hormonal changes are bad. BAD BAD BAD!

But it's my problem. My own problem. I just have to learn to deal with it. He said sorry. It's no fault of his anymore.

From now on, I will be responsible for my own emotional, physical and mental ups and downs of this pregnancy. From now on, I will no longer let him know how I feel. I change to suit the environment. I have done so, I can do it for this one. I can do it all by myself.

On a side note, AN was super sweet to me. We couldn't reach an understanding and I broke down. AN kept asking me why I cried and asked Mr Liow to "say sorry to mummy.".

She asked me: "Mummy cry because papa shouted at mummy?", "Papa make mummy angry?", "Papa naughty again?"

She's an angel, always been one especially when I cry. She's not the only one. I find comfort in Baileys and Maen too...great comfort. There is something in them that soothes the emotions and calms the nerves that no one has been able to provide.

If ever I can choose to do everything again, I probably will not get married and spend my time helping dogs that need help. Maybe when the kids are all grown up and BM are no longer around, I can spend some time helping the homeless animals.

If you do not know what unconditional love looks like, look at what these animals have to offer.

It's my fault. I got myself into this mess. The damage is done and it will take many more months of suffering from idiotic hormonal, physical and emotional changes before the final bleed into eternal torture.

I am demanding. I am asking for too much. Yes, it's my fault.

I wish I will never see morning again. So many times... I do.

Another missing tooth

Uh-oh!!

While brushing Maen this afternoon, I noticed another missing tooth on her upper gums!!

And then I noticed some teeth elsewhere along the gums are spaced quite far apart from each other, just like AN's.

The space between the 2 teeth on her upper gums appeared a little small to be missing 1 tooth but it's also a little too spacious for the teeth to be apart from each other.

hmm...

I don't know. Maybe her teeth are shrinking?

Slip Disc Relapse!

Mr Liow was supposed to be enjoying himself at Lambert Park with the rest of his colleagues today for PRIDE DAY (I can't remember what he said the celebration was for).

Couple of hours after he left home, I received his call saying that he was at Urgent Care. He's suffering from his slip disc again! Uh-oh!

Among the many viruses or problems, we hate the slip disc worst! Coz it not only cause him severe pain, so bad that he couldn't breath properly or even sit on a wheel chair some years back (I think it was some time during my pregnancy with AN), it takes him a long time to recover fully.

Thank God for the past 23 months, he's been well.

He said he felt the sharp pain when he coughed too hard this morning (he's still coughing very badly. Been a week and 3 days now since he fell sick!). That happens when we were in Singapore. His slip disc seem to happen worse during Nov/Dec (in Sgp) and it mostly happened when he either coughed too hard, or was not careful with how he gets around, like up from sitting on the ground etc.

It's no surprise this time that it came back because of his cough. He's been coughing for a week now..his back must have tolerated enough to give up now.

Thank God that it did not feel as painful as it always did in Singapore. According to him, it felt like 'few days later' during recovery stage. From my point of view, he's walking wierd again like he used to whenever he's bothered by the pain. He's like, tilted to a side.

After that few days of backache at my lower back hips myself (and those were only backaches), I can't imagine how much worse slip disc can feel! I mean, it could be so bad he couldn't even breathe properly..poor Mr Liow.

I'm praying for a speedy recovery. We will be going to Florida in 2 weeks' time and we have to fly there. I pray he'll recover in time to travel. Else I do not mind forgoing the trip. I know he will not give the trip up though...hmm..

Also praying that his cough will go away soon.

He's not the only one coughing....AN is also starting to cough now, worse the past 2 nights.

Pray that both father and daughter will get well soon.

Maen Lost Her First Tooth (not due to teething)

Maen has turned 5 years and although she's not young anymore, she's not that old either.

BUT....Guess what?

She lost her first tooth already!

-___________-"

I wonder where the tooth went or even when it fell off! She smiles at me everyday, revealing her pearly whites and every single tooth was still intact just days before! I can't be sure about her molars that are hidden but we can see her front teeth!

And then 2 days ago, I see a gap. Oh no!

This old woman has aged!

I panicked and checked Baileys for missing teeth. His teeth still looked good (except for tar tar on the k9s and molars that has returned coz they have not been chewing much).

*phew*

It's been a long time since I brushed their teeth. I think it's time they got brushed again. hehe.

Itchy all over!

I've started to itch since about 3 weeks ago, from my shoulders to my ankles.

The bedsheets have been washed, no big changes anywhere else in the house, iRobot is still doing his work...what could be the cause?

It made me wonder for a long time before I suspected it could be the new fabric softener that I had been using on the clothes. I had been using the softener a little too generously, because I like how it made the house smell really pleasant. But then, both Mr Liow and AN seemed to not be bothered by the clothes they wear. Everyone seems to be fine, except me...

*sob*

While randomly reading about week by week foetal developments and comments by other expecting mummies, I came across one asking about itching during first pregnancy and a reply to her suggesting that it could be due to new allergies to old scents.

hmm...sounds logical.

What scents??

*sob*

The itch really irritates me! I get up many times each night to scratch. Every inch of skin of my body is potentially good spot for itchy bumps. There can be nothing when I touch but the moment my fingers touch that particular patch of skin, it starts to itch.

Thank God the bumps and itching have yet to reach my face (and I pray it will go away before reaching my face).

*sob*

How how how?

And I have not been able to sleep soundly. I couldn't get to sleep at night, wake up early at 5-6am each morning, and gets really really tired by the time AN wakes up at about 8-9am lately. By 10-11am, I can be so tired the moment I put my feet up to rest, into dreamland I go...

Thank God that AN had been able to take earlier naps lately too (it's amazing coz she couldn't possibly be sleep that early at 11am when she wakes up at 9am!) so that I could take some rest.

Had taken advices to have small but healthy meals/snacks (peanut butter with whole grain bread, fruits, whole grain cereals etc) and that seems to help keep the nausea under control.

Baileys and Maen had stolen their way out of the kitchen 2 out of 7 days last week and had been sleeping outside our room waiting for us to wake up. Maen managed to break into our room (Maen is a K9 Copperfield) and I was in such deep sleep I did not realise she was licking me. Her licks actually woke AN (who was sleeping beside me) who nudged me to inform me that Maen was in the room.

It actually felt nice to see Maen first thing in the morning..hehe. I missed having both of them jump onto the bed with me the moment Mr Liow left for work in the past. These 2 rascals know Mr Liow do not like them on the bed, and they are always smart enough to know what not to do in his presence.

Still, her presence and licks do not make the itch go away.

We'll be seeing Dr Rachel again on the 10th March. Will be asking her about the bad itching then.

Dear Lord, if it's not necessary that I itch this time, will you make it go away soon, together with nausea and sleepyness. 3 more weeks to the end of my first trimester. I pray these symptoms will not last beyond that!

*yawn*...feeling sleepy already.....*scratch scratch scratch* and still feeling itchy...

Blessed 5 Years Old!

My Maen has turned 5 on 28th Feb 2010.

Each year this day, she makes me wonder if I miscalculated her age. She's still small in size, and puppy-like. As much as we wish for her to grow smarter, it's her silliness that makes us laugh.

Maen, you really bring joy to me. Baileys has grown to be too matured to be treated like a puppy but you, at this same matured age of 5 years, still come to me, looking to be treated like one. It's like I have a forever puppy in you.

Mummy enjoys hugging you as before, because you will never mind being carried belly up even if that really means I am putting you in a position that's vulnerable to attacks (by AN).

It gets on my nerves sometimes how you stay super close to me that I often end up tripping over you when I change directions but not having you anywhere near me also makes me uncomfortable.

It's probably those pregnancy hormones that's making me feel wierd but both times I am pregnant, I crave to hold you to sleep. And it was a pleasant surprise to find that you have broken out of the kitchen into our room a couple mornings, to give me your morning kisses like you used to give when we were back in Sgp.

I love your silliness, your immunity to regulations, your gentleness towards AN even when she was rough with you. I love how you always take a step forward before obeying when I tell you to get "down". You just have to try your luck with everything, don't you?

And you are beautiful, when you were a puppy and riding on the sofa....

when you were shaved down to minimize furballs in the house but still decide that the sofa is the most cushion place to lay your head on...

when you have your coat back, whether you are dressed up or down...

when you bark at Baileys to get him to play with you, even when it gets on his nerves at times.

Stay pretty and healthy. Continue to be the silly little girl that you are made to be. We love you!

Love,
Mummy, Papa, AN, Baileys and the new one.